Need help my parents+the baby's father=Not good?

Question

What do I do when my parents hate the father of the baby and don't think he will be there at all and don't want me to talk to him at all except for when I get upsdates on the baby. But the father says he wants to be there for everything, but he has a minimum wage job, could have free college but hasn't done anything yet?

I'm 18, amost 19, and the father just turned 20. I'm gonna be moving soon to a city two hours away from him, I dont' know what's gonna happen. I broke up with him shortly after finding out I was pregnant because I don't think he's my soulmate.

I need advice. I got myself is a crazy mess and this poor baby is coming into it.

I'm 8 weeks pregnant. I think it would be best for me and the baby to go with my parents because my family is there, but what about the father?

What if he doesn't show he's gonna grow up for this baby?

Ok, first off, he's the first guy I was ever with, I'm not some slut who sleeps with everyone, second, I never said I didn't want this baby!! I did the deed and I am gonna own up to taking care of this baby. There is no problem there.

We were engaged, so stop criticizing me and just help me out, I already have enough of it, i though people were decent on here, nto bashers!!

I've told him he needs to start with his college, look for a different job and get his life going. I have done that. I do care about him still. I know the best thing would be to give this baby up for adoption, but it's easier said then done when you fell the baby move inside you!

I'm going to enroll into the local college as soon as we move!

The baby's father wants to move to where we are moving.

And just so you know, I want him to be there more than anything. We made this baby together, and I want this baby to have the feeling of love from me and his/her father. My borlogical father left my b=mom before I was born, I was fortunate enough to have my stepdad come when I was only 3, but I still have this emptiness where my birth father should be. So I know what it would be like for this baby and the baby's father is not a bad guy, he's one of the sweetest. If I had it my way, my parents would love him and he would be there for everything. Whether we stayed together or not.

The father and I have agreed that we want to stay friends and that we don't want to be angry with each other.

Part of me wants to stay with the father, but then part of me thinks it wouldn't be that great. idk what to do. Maybe if he showed me he'd straighten up?

Answer 1

Time will only tell. I think you need to give him a chance to be there for his child. The biggest part of being there is to support the baby financially. You need to contact a lawyer now, to find out about child support payments. Most men do not do this willingly. Now, look toward the future, as soon as you can, try to go to college and get a job to do what you can to support you and your baby. God Bless.

Answer 2

It seems you have 2 entirely different situations.

1.) Should dad be involved in baby's life?
2.) Should dad be involved in my life?

I think that the answer to question 1 based on what you've said, is most defintely yes. If he is doing right morally (not into criminal activity or drug use), there is no reason any father or parent should be deprived of the right to know their children. He might not be a perfect mate for you (see the latter part of my answer), but he will always be your baby's daddy and he and your child deserve your respect for that relationship, especially if he is putting forth the effort on his part.

The 2nd question, is a choice only you can make, but before you go much further I would seriously recommend making a firm commitment either with or without him, don't be on the fence because it will only make your parenting a more difficult road. You said you do not feel he is your soul mate so if I were you I would go with that instinct. If you feel at all obligated, or guilty about breaking up or not moving forward as a couple because there is a baby, do not. You have not married yet so the best option for you and baby is to not be with this person, or married if you do not feel it will work long term. He can still be active and part of the baby's life, IF he choses to. Being with him, also will not make him more responsible. Being away from you, will actually put him in a position where he won't be able to "fake" parenting. With you, he can hide in your shadow. Without you, he has to put both feet forward and make a concious effort to be a part of his child's life (and you should let him do this).

Hope that helps.

Answer 3

Whatever you do, don't stay behind with the father. If he's not doing anything with his life, he'll only hold you back.

I can't say if this man will change or not, but it's best to be hopeful. You all are young, and he may 'grow up' in these next several years. But then again... he may not. Whatever the case, don't assume 100% that he will or won't.

Right now, you need to do whatever is best for the baby, not the dad. If he really wants to be there for everything, he'll get his life together, find a good job, and move to be around the baby or visit regularly.

Your parents need to get over it, unless they're completely supporting you; in that case, they have something hanging over your head. In whatever case, Put yourself in a position in which you can take care of yourself and the baby ALONE. The worst thing that could happen is for you to be dependent on anyone and then all the sudden be alone with the baby.

You all are teens having babies... not a great combo, but difinately not the worst thing in the world. Tell your parents that this guy may or may not change, but he deserves a chance to be a good dad. You're only 8 weeks, if he hasn't done something (look for a better job, put in college applications, etc), then things aren't looking good.

I really hope this turns out good for you. The best of luck.

Answer 4

Yes you do have a crazy mess. Didn't anyone ever tell you not to screw any guy that you wouldn't want to marry? Someone should have. He has a minimum wage job so that means you won't get much if any child support. Yet you will need to give him visiting rights to his child. That doesn't sound bad right now but it will when he comes for the baby with his NEW girlfriend. It will hurt lots. If you have any kind of feelings for the father of the baby, tell him to go to college and get going on his life. If you love him maybe you two can marry later and have a real family. Your parents would feel much better about him if he had a financial future. Otherwise, they know they are stuck to pay for your mistakes.

Answer 5

I think that you should appreciate your parents advice and opinion and also thank for them for any help that they are able to give you physically, mentally and financially, but you should also tell them that you are going to do whats best for you and the baby and the decision will ultimately be yours (but do it nicely). If the father wants to be in the baby's life and is a good influence, then I think that you should give him the chance. A minimum wage job is a job and at least he has one. If he is a good guy and wants to be a positive role model in the baby's life then he will figure out that college and a better job would help out much more than a minimun wage job. If he doesn't and he is careless and doesnt want to better himself then all you can do is to be there for your child 100% and pray that one day he comes around, but I would never deny him a chance to be part of the child's life unless it is unsafe. I really hope that things work out for you. As long as you give your baby love and safe caring and do the best that you can, I think that you should feel proud. Don't get yourself down, just because things may be crazy right now. Do the best you can for yourself and your baby and be proud of everything that you do to better your life and your childs life. I hope that everything works out for you.

Also, dont think that you have to be held down by the father and stay in a relationship to make things work. You don't, as long as you both are mature about it and work together for the child's sake, that doesnt say that you have to stay in a relationship that you know is wrong for you.

Answer 6

You broke up with him because you don't believe he's your soul mate? There's no such thing. Do you really believe that of all the people in all the world there is only one person who can make you happy. Then there's the obvious irony that he isn't your soul mate but ok to have sex with, but you didn't know this until you became pregnant. I say this to suggest you get your priorities straight. It'll make what to come much easier.

Listen. you give this guy every chance to do the right thing. The worst that could happen is he proves your parents right. The best thing that could happen is your baby has an active and interested father. At the same time, you create a life for yourself where you are not dependent on him. You have to cover both ways. Give him a chance while at the same time not needing him.

Answer 7

Well, its seems as if neither you or ur parents feel good about the father, he doesnt seem to be able to help you because he is in a bad finacial situation so he is of not help at all and it seems as if u dont need his help either. He cant be very good if ur parents dont approve of him after all parents only want the best for you. You have doubts that he will be around which obviously means that you dont think he is very interested in the life of his child. You r making to right choice just live your life and move on, he has nothing to offer and u dont love him. If he is at all interested however it is normal that a single mother allow her baby to have regular interaction (whether personal or via, email, phone)with the father whether often or not because that is important to the child. A child knowing both his parents is important.

Answer 8

No matter what happens the father has a right to be involved in his childs life regardless whether you or your parents like it. Plus it will make life easier for the child if its parents get along and don't fight and bicker all the time. I am telling you this from personal experience. Nothing is worse than knowing your child is upset because you and your ex don't get along. I was 18 when I had my son. I think you should atleast make an effort to keep the father involved and if he ends up flaking out you know you did your part to try to make things work. I hope this helps and gives you a little perspective on things. :0)

Answer 9

How can you not want a baby?

The baby has every right to have BOTH parents. I grew up without my father, he did not want me. My step father abused me all through my school years. I was so hurt that he did not want me. I was there when he told my mom.

Now is a father who WANTS his child to be in his life. Don't take that away. That is not right and not fair. It is best interest for the child not you as a parent and what you want. If you don't let that child have a relationship with the father, then there will be suffering in the long run.

I would and never have taken my daughter away from her father even though he is a jerk sometimes but I wouildn't take him away from our child unless she was being abused.

Answer 10

Both you and the baby's father need to get an education, prior to even thinking about marriage! If the two of you fore-go your education for the convenience of everyday sex and the "raising of your child" you both are going to regret it! There's no way he can support you and your child on a minimum wage job. You will be relegated to a life on welfare and only the minimum for your child. Is this what you want? Move with your parents. Do what you need to do, to provide you and your child with the style of living that you want. Do not rely on some man for this. I know that sounds strange, coming from a man, but facts are facts, hon. More than 50% of all marriages in this country end in divorce. Do you really want to not be in a position to be able to care of yourself and your children? No? Then get an education and a profession So you won't be dependant on someone else.