me and my grandmother are in turmoil so i decided to stop going to her house. and she embarrassed?

Question

me in-front the whole entire church!
so my grandmother is very religeous, so she doesn't like the fact that i wear sleevless shirts. whenever i do, wear them she gets in a fit and says i'm naked and whatever. she doesn't like it when i relax my hear because she feels as though god made me with kinky hair. and when i grew my natural hair back, and wore it in a puff, she yells and says i look like a crazy person and how my hair looks like a birds nest. she doesn't like when i go to visit my cousin because she feels that a woman should keep her feet in her house and learn how to cook. any thing i do upset her! so i got fed up and told my aunt to tell her that i wasn't coming back to her house. now my grandmother was mad so she decides to blow me up infront of the whole church talking about how i'm not coming to her house anymore how i left her all alone and disowned her and other people have to stay with her and the list gos on. i've been following this religeon since i was 9. now i'm 18.

i don't have any pants in my wardrobe. all skirts. i don't wear jewelry. my ears aren't even peirced. i'm tired of this conservative lifstyle.

but my grandmother demands i follow. i don't even live with her and she treats me llike i live in her house.

am i wrong for not going back to her house?

Answer 1

I don't think it's wrong to not want to let her control you. You need to figure out what is best for you and if this is hurting you then you need to remove yourself from the situation. I do think she needs to let you grow up a little. Also maybe you can make a deal that when you are in her presence you will dress with sleeves, but the rest of the stuff is who you are and who you are going to be. She can only control you if you let her. What does your aunt think of this? Can she help you reason with your Grandma? Also I wouldn't say anything bad about your Grandma to the people at church because then you aren't fueling the fire and they can't speak poorly about you. Good luck!

Answer 2

Your grandmother must be a very unhappy woman! Now that you are of age, you can make your own decisions. She was very wrong by talking to the whole church about you. You can't change the way she treats you but you can change how you react to her. I would probably go see her during the holidays. However, I would not listen to her abusive talk. At the first thing she said disrespectful, I would say, "I really want you in my life but I will not ever again let you disrespect me this way. Good-bye." And then I would quietly leave!!!!!!!

Answer 3

You need to find another way to deal with her. I have a friend that has the same problem and she just tells her grandma that when she is tired of being this way she will change. In essence, her grandmother speaks her peace and lets it alone. You need to go to your grandmothers house and tell her that you are sorry for not talking to her about what is bothering you and letting someone else do the talking. This is also how family rumors get started. You want your grandma to treat youlike an adult so you have to act like one. !st you need to tell her what is bothering you in a calm manner. 2nd you need to tell her how you feel about the things she says and why they bother you 3rd you need to humor her on occassion. Remember that she has lived a lot longer than you and is wise. As far as the clothing is concerned, I would abide by her standards for church only. After church I would change into what is comfortable for me. Anytime you gma says anything about your clothing you need to kindly remind her that you are your own person and are an adult. 4th you need to find out why she is hounding you so much. maybe she is on you because she loves you and wants the world for you and she does know some ways to get it. One thing I know from experience is that dressing like a lady and appropriately will always put you ahead in life. I am not saying that you are inappropriately dressed just that she is trying to get you to be lady like. A sleeveless shirt is not considered lady like. It is okay for todays standards but always a woman will look like a lady when dressed in sleeves and a skirt... That will never change. I don't know what kind of career you want but if it has anything to do with nice attire I would heed what my g-ma says. If she doesn't like your hair I think you should seriosly find out what she dislikes and see what you could both agree upon to appease her and not compromise yourself. After all of this, if she is just doing it out of malisiousness then I would tell her so and tell her when she can love and accept you for who you are you will come around more often but only after you have tried everything else.

Answer 4

honey, i've never read anything in the bible about kinky hair being bad or good. CHRIST said that these things dont matter anymore. (just like the rules of culture such as eating and how to wear one's hair are not salvation rules)

your grandmother sounds like a very angry old woman. you will probably never be able to please her. in your place i would still continue to visit, but only occasionally, and i would say nothing to her about the religion or her remarks, i'd would be very directly about ignoring her comments. perhaps a marked silence at her words will speak louder than anything you can say.

i have an aunt very similar to your grandmother. you can fight women like this, you CANT change them with anything you say, but if you ignore them they eventually give up.

also, time to research your faith for yourself. there is nothing wrong with looking

Answer 5

Your grandmother sounds very rigid in her beliefs. She sounds like she wants things to be like they were back in the 50s. Might be time for you to take a break from grandma's company. If you don't have to go to her house, then don't go. Dont go to her church for a while either. Go to church with other friends. She probably wants what is best for you, but she is driving you away with her outdated ideas, even if her intentions are good. You are old enough to make decisions for yourself. Good luck.

Answer 6

Tell your grandmother that you love her but that she needs to stop being so judgmental. You're 18 years old now and should be allowed to make your own decisions and it is not acceptable for her to constantly put you down especially in public. Don't worry about what her church friends say, they probably are talking about her behind her back.

Answer 7

She sounds like a person you would do better to avoid. You're an adult now, and need to follow your own heart. You're grandmother is behaving inappropriately and it's not your fault or your problem. Family does not mean you should take abuse. Family is where to find comfort. Seek out people who treat you well and don't try to turn you into someone you're not.

Answer 8

You shouldn't allow angry feelings come between you and your gramma. She means well I am sure. It may not be she is so crabby and picky as she is old and set in her ways.

I always tell my grand kids what I think about their appearance. I don't tell them because I am trying to pick. I just feel they go over board with some of their choices. Your grandmother no doubt feels the same way.

You know God gave us the 10 commandments to live by. The 5th one tells us to honor our parents. This is not limited to our parents, but extends to grand parents, all adults, rulers etc. We are to respect them and hold them in high honor no matter how bad we may think they are. This does not mean we always have to agree with their ideas. It does mean that no matter what we are to Love and care for them and honor them. Prayer and continued love for your grandmother will one day give you peace in this matter and will close gaps that may be there between the two of you.

If you want to straighten your hair do it. When your gramma says something just say, "pray for me gramma." She will respect that I am sure and you won't be acting hostile. You also pray for her every chance you get. Ask God to help close the gap between you both, and ask Him to help you love her, like he loves you.

Answer 9

Things are different today than they were in her hay day. It's a generation thing. The dressing code has changed alot. Now, it's ok to dress a certain way. To her, it seeme that you're dressing in a way thats too revealing. My Grandpa told me that women used to cover their ankles. Just try to be more understanding. Trends change.

Answer 10

My mom is the say way, they are never pleased with anything. they say something but they mean something else, and when you listen and do it they still have the nerve to complain. I would still go to your grandmother's house, you never know until there gone.