If your grandmother did this, how would you react?

Question

She told us that she bought herself her Christmas gift. $700 worth of landscaping, much of it paid for with cash and gift cards that she'd begged for on her birthday earlier this month.

Now she's saying that because of this, she can't afford any gifts except for those for our three youngest cousins. (My cousins range in age from 14 to my 33-year-old self.) The rest of us are "too old" to have any kind of presents anyway. Yet those of us who are "too old" have gotten her the gift cards she begged for, at least $10 or $25 worth.

She also tried getting us to go to a poor neighbor's house on Christmas and give them stuff in person, which several of us thought would embarrass them, because she says we were never taught about charity. Our parents beg to differ, and so does the guy at H&R Block when he does my tax write-offs.

So, what is the right response to my grandmother when I see her? Because I'd like to organize a game of rugby on her new lawn, with cleats.

It's not that limited--she's still working. And as I said, $700 worth of landscaping. She's played favorites all our lives, and this is confirming what most of us thought. I'd have taken a gift from the dollar store with a smile--it's the thought, as they say, that counts.

Answer 1

Eh. My grandmother always plays favorites (right now, I'm it because I'm the oldest and the only one that bothers to talk to her, but she gave me s*** at times, too). I don't much care. I buy her a present or two every year - she likes opening stuff and then telling you that she hates it, so I usually just get her some "cheap trinket to placate" her. (Not really - I get a book or some gloves or something - but I don't get all emotionally involved in it because there's no reason to. Recently I learned WHY my grandmother is so weird about stuff (it's a long sad story) so I cut her a bit of a break. I send her some presents, talk to her occasionally, make the drive up to visit her once a year and that's the best I can do.

I actually think she stole from me once, but I let it go. Send her a $10 gift card, wish her a Merry Christmas, and down't dwell on it. Do you really want gifts from someone who doesn't really want to give them, anyway?

Answer 2

I agree with Granny in regard to gifts for adults. I personally do not buy gifts for any adults (with the exception for people who work for me like my babysitters and I give bonuses at my business).
I also agree with you that if you do not believe in buying gifts for adults then you should not ask for gifts for yourself.
The neighbor thing I also agree with you. Unless they live in a shelter or something, the REAL charitable thing to do would be to give them the gifts (or whatever) in a way that will not make them feel uncomfortable. Especially if the stuff is for kids. Let the kids think mom dad or santa gave them the stuff. When you really do something for the right reason, you dont need praise for it.
Grandma is old, ignore her and wish her a merry christmas.

Answer 3

She's sounds like a cranky ole' woman!!! You know I've heard that your worst qualities just get worse the older you get... your Grandma is the example. But here's the thing... she is who she is, if you gave her the gift out of love, then really she should be able to do anything she wants with it and it shouldn't matter to you. Maybe next time, don't get her anything, only do what you can, so you're not mad at her in the end!!! As for getting something... well gifts are what they are gifts! Unfortunatly, we can't expect them, that takes away their meaning!! Just do what you can with your Grandma, so that YOU are NOT the one suffering in the end... just say no to her!! The best way to get love is to give it... unconditionally!!

I'm sorry she's such a tight wade... what's up with the older folk!!! Just set in their ways I guess!!

Answer 4

My grandparents quit giving gifts to all but the youngest years ago of course they have 23 grandchildren and 22 great grandchildren. Christmas is not about gifts its about being with family. Let it go.

Answer 5

Gifts should never be expected. If you get a gift, say "thank you" and be appreciative. If you don't, then you don't. I hate when people keep score when it comes to presents and other similar things. "I gave you a present, so now you have to give me one. I did something nice for you, so now it's your turn." That type of thinking defeats the purpose of gift-giving and doing nice things for people.

Answer 6

She is your grandma, she is old,
she is probably lonely, has lost her looks, others thinks she is mean, and she knows it, her health is not all that great either.

Remember we too will get old one day, and would piss off our kids and grandkids, and do some irrationaly behavior. Just give her a hug and tell her you love her, she has silly wishes fullfill them big deal. Just give and Forgive.even if she gets and Forgets ...(old ppl forget easy.)

Answer 7

My grandparents are in their 80s and while I love them very much, they often do things that are strange and manipulative. Try to let your parents deal with her as much as possible and politely ignore the inflammatory and annoying things she says when you see her in person.

Answer 8

I never expect anything from my Grandma. She gave a lot when I was a child.

It's my turn to give to her.

You really need to think about something else.

Answer 9

Try to remember your Grandmother is on a limited income. I would be very forgiving of her and tell her you are happy she got something she wanted.

I know it doesn't seem fair but you are too old to be whining!