Calvinists, what do you say to a child when a loved one dies?

Question

You believe that God will be glorified whether that person was written into the book of life or not. Will you tell a child that you don't know whether their loved one was taken into the arms of God, or condemned to an eternity of hell because this is what they deserved?

They need an answer, and a good one. What will you tell them when they ask where Mommy or Daddy is?

Answer 1

What matters is what the living child needs to hear. Not what the reality of the situation is.

Belief is only belief, its not based on reason or evidence or anything that isn't emotional in nature.

So when a child looses a parent, its ok to tell them that the parent is doing fine, even if you believe they are in Hell or hades or a chocolate river in lolipop land.

Looking out for the well being of the living child should be our top priority, not indoctrinating them or slapping them with the truth of decay and death.

Talking to the child about love and happy memories is very important, saying that the parents are not in pain, is ok.

Answer 2

I would tell them we loved Mommy/Daddy and they're with God now and that we hope to see him or her someday.

When the child is older they will be able to discern for themselves the possible fate of their parent. It would be presumptuous to say anything else as only God knows the heart of His children.

Answer 3

Tell them the truth, that the person has died. Depending on the age of the person, you may even explain the details of the death, but you don't need to explain anything about the religious dogma that the child may believe in. It will be up to them to contemplate their loved one's fate.

Answer 4

Child!!! The child does not answer nd then u leave it alone bcuz it really is just A dream nd u cought ur self trying t find A way to tell this child A ****** dream ndu streesd so long over this not dead loved 1
God has no arms!!!

Answer 5

There aren't any real Calvinists anymore, not anywhere. It's the same with Nazi's: these are people who've only read a few well-written books and surround themselves with an aura of romantic idealism, but there are no Calvinists or Nazi's.

Answer 6

Well I Think You Should Say Son/Daughter I'm Sorry To Say But So And So Has Died And I Will Never Try To Replace Him/Her In Your Heart For We All Loved Him/Her. Theres your Answer!

Answer 7

God gets no glory from the unrepentant sinner. What you tell your child has no bearing upon the person's postmortem destination. And it's unlikely the child will question it.

It's a unsolvable problem for you, so you'd better leave it to God. And then stick to subjects you know something about.

Answer 8

My sons dad died 9 years ago and my son was 2 years old at the time.I believe everyone has a perpose.I would have never told my son that his dad went to hell..
He knows that dad is with god and very happy and will never feel pain again.
also everone that has died is with his dad,and all the animals that have past.
My son loves to hear stories about his dad.

Answer 9

I would tell the child that they are in the hands of God. there is no better place than that.

I would also add to an older child, that no one knows the fate of any otherperson except for God.

Answer 10

Not Calvinist, but here is what Jehovah's Witnesses think;

**Helping Children Deal With Death

When death strikes a family, parents as well as other relatives and friends are often at a loss as to what to say or do to help children cope with what has happened. Yet, children need adults to help them deal with death. Consider some commonly asked questions about helping children understand death.

How do you explain death to children? It is important to explain matters in simple terms. Keep it truthful too. Do not hesitate to use the real words, such as “dead” and “death.” For example, you might sit down with the child, take him in your arms, and say: “A very, very sad thing has happened. Daddy got very sick with a disease that not many people get [or whatever you know to be true], and he died. It isn’t anybody’s fault that he died. We’ll miss him very much because we loved him, and he loved us.” However, it may be helpful to explain that the child or his surviving parent is not likely to die simply because that one gets sick at times.

Encourage their questions. ‘What’s dead?’ they may ask. You might answer this way: “‘Dead’ means that the body stopped working and can’t do any of the things it used to—it can’t talk, see, or hear, and it can’t feel anything.” A parent who believes the Bible’s promise of a resurrection can use this opportunity to explain that Jehovah God remembers the departed one and can bring him back to life in the future earthly Paradise. (Luke 23:43; John 5:28, 29)—See the section “A Sure Hope for the Dead.”

Is there anything you should not say? It is not helpful to say that the deceased has gone on a long journey. Fear of abandonment is a major concern for a child, especially when a parent has died. To be told that the deceased has gone on a trip may only reinforce the child’s feeling of abandonment and he may reason: ‘Grandma left, and she didn’t even say good-bye!’ Be careful, too, with young children, about saying that the departed one has gone to sleep. Children tend to be very literal. If a child equates sleep with death, a fear of going to bed at night can result.

Should children attend the funeral services? Parents should take into account the children’s feelings. If they do not want to go, do not force them or in any way make them feel guilty for not going. If they want to go, give them a detailed description of what will take place, including whether there will be a casket and whether it will be open or closed. Explain, too, that they may see a lot of people crying because they are sad. Again, let them ask questions. And reassure them that they can leave if they need to.

How do children react to death? Children often feel responsible for the death of a loved one. Because a child may at one time or another have felt angry at the person who died, the child may come to believe that angry thoughts or words caused the death. You might need to offer some comfort: ‘Your thoughts and words are not what make people sick, and they don’t make people die.’ A young child may need such reassurances repeatedly.

Should you hide your grief from children? Crying in front of children is both normal and healthy. Besides, it is almost impossible to hide your feelings from children completely; they tend to be very discerning and can often sense that something is wrong. Being honest about your grief lets them know that it is normal to grieve and at times to show your feelings.