I've been with my bf for 6 years (we're both in our mid 20s now) and I'm so happy with him. But how do I know if I'm just comfortable and not in love with him? How do I know that there's not a better person out there for me?
How did you know? Or if you're going to get married...how do you know that your fiance is the one for you?
2007-12-17 02:48:59 · 25 answers · asked by Virginia 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Wow, that's really great that the two of you have been together for so long... I was in a "similar" situation with my now husband... I knew that he was the "one" however, he didn't quite get the message... We dated for about 7 1/2 yrs. BEFORE I got fed up and left him.. Though, we didn't live together I just felt that we didn't "share" the same outcome for our relationship.. I moved back home and went back to school. Started a new job and even started dating again.... It just wasn't what I wanted it to be.. I tried the on line dating thing with "mixed" results... Meanwhile, my EX was hanging out with his friends and corresponding with an EX-girlfriend from high school... (FYI... we were in our late 20's) I went to NYC to see a friend of mine from college and he went to Boston to see his EX-gf.... Needless to say after a yr. 1/2 apart that's when he knew that he was an idiot.
Which I had known all along.... We eventually got back together... Got our relationship back on track and got married a couple yrs. later.. I truly believe that we needed that apart time to grow, mature and date other people so that we knew we were supposed to be together.... It may not work for everybody but, it worked for us... We are very happy and we have 2 children...
Good luck
2007-12-17 03:04:18 · answer #1 · answered by pebblespro 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, if you've been together for 6 years, without having dated anyone else, that's a pretty big "love" indicator right there!
Second, I commend you for not rushing into marriage at such a young age! However, if both of you have met the other's families, it might be time to start discussing the possibility of marriage (I'm not saying you have to get married right this second, or even in the next year or so, but, if he (or you!) balks at the suggestion, then it might be a sign that one or the other isn't truly "in love").
Third, if you're not "sure", then take a mutual "break" from each other for about two weeks. If you don't feel any different when you get back together, then you probably are more "comfortable" than in "love", but there's nothing wrong with that. If you feel, "hey, I can do a LOT better", then, obviously, you were just comfortable with him. If you spend every day and night crying over him (or he over you), then you're probably in love (but, also, you'd need a little more time to get your emotions straightened-out! Nobody should be *that* dependent on someone else after the "rugrat" stage!). ;)
Fourth, you didn't say whether you are living with him or not. Unless you are morally obligated not to do so, it might be worth taking a week or two vacation together (call it a pre-Honeymoon), somewhere far away from home (it would be great if you could do this immediately after the third suggestion, above; consider it a "reward" for being apart for so long! That way, nobody's hurt when the suggestion to "separate" is made). If you can stand being with each other for that long, then it's probably a mix of comfort and love, and that's just fine!
Good luck!
2007-12-17 03:18:24 · answer #2 · answered by skaizun 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My mom always used to tell me that when i met "the one" i would just know. I kept waiting and waiting to "know" and it didn't seem to ever happen. It was always a situation of did the pro's outweigh the cons and could i live with this person forever without killing them? Then I met my fiance. I was afraid to get too close at first for fear that it would just be another passing guy. One day i finally realized that it didn't matter who else was out there in the entire world. If every man in the universe was lined up at my door i would still pick him without even having to stop and think. I can picture our future and know that no matter what happens he will be there for me. There is an intense feeling of peace and happiness and warmth when i think of us together. So I guess mom was right, you just know.
You said you were very happy with this guy! If you have been together for 6 years then you pretty know his ins and outs. Is there anything about him that you simply cannot live with? The comfort comes from being happy and knowing you love someone. If he truly makes you happy and you can picture a future with him and only him then don't give up an opportunity for a happy life. True love is rare so don't let it slip away. The grass is rarely greener on the other side.
2007-12-17 07:37:53 · answer #3 · answered by Stained Glass- Baby C 11/15/09!! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it's cliche to say but I JUST KNEW. And it's hard to explain really. It's like asking "how do you know the sky is blue?" Well, you just know...you can look up & see that it's blue. When you meet the love of your life, there's something in your soul that has a certainty you've never felt with any other person. Every other guy I ever dated, I analyzed the r'ship, them, and whether or not they were right. It was a constant thought of "pros" & "cons". When I met my sweet husband though, there was no analyzing....no uncertainty at all....just pure KNOWING. It was a very weird thing really because I'm such an analytical person. He was everything I'd ever wanted in the big things (like values, love, inner beauty) but he also had all the little things too (like loving international travel, being open to adoption, etc). He was and still is the most interesting man I'd ever talked to. And still, when we have conversations, we could talk for hours over nothing! :) Goodluck!
2007-12-17 05:21:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a boyfriend for 7 years and I can say that we were totally in love with each other, nevertheless I never felt like marrying him because of many aspects that were going to be different when living together in the same place.
When you date someone the situation is very different, you don't have to do certain things that would make the relationship totally different, think about those things, picture how you would feel living together at the same house, or even better, move with him for a couple of months and find out if you really feel good about the experience.
Good luck!
2007-12-17 03:07:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I knew that he was the right one for me because I didn't question it. I didn't wonder whether there was someone out there that was better. I felt completely at peace.
Have you been in other relationships? If you've been together for 6 years and you're in your mid-20's, you couldn't have had many other serious relationships, if any. Maybe you're questioning your relationship because you haven't known enough of what's out there. The question that you have to answer for yourself is whether you can live the rest of your life with him without ever really exploring all of your options. If you can't, then you need a change. If you can, he's the one.
Remember, this is not a decision to be made lightly. Good Luck.
2007-12-17 02:57:19 · answer #6 · answered by Ray 3 · 7⤊ 0⤋
I can picture us in the future, and it's not just the good times I can see. That may sound bad, but I can see us standing by each other when there are hard times, like deaths, or loss of a job, problems with the kids, short on money, and things like that. Plus, for us, we have already had some bad times and he was right there beside me the whole time. When the kids are sick and the dogs have tracked mud through the house and the dinner is burned and the sink is leaking, I can picture him right there helping me. Of course I can see the good times too- the wedding, the birth of the kids, picking out houses, vacations, new jobs, promotions, graduations, birthdays and anniversaries.
2007-12-17 04:03:24 · answer #7 · answered by ♥TaZ♥ 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The thing is...you can never really know if there is someone "better" for you out there. Marriage is a leap of faith that needs to based partly on heart feelings and partly on rational factors. Ultimately, you need to weigh how you feel about him and decide whether you are confident you can love him through thick and thin, knowing you will have your tough times, but that the joyful times will outweigh them. For me, being with my husband was just so effortless, so joyful, so happy, that I knew we could weather the tough stuff and always be happy with each other.
2007-12-17 04:36:17 · answer #8 · answered by dingding 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mom knew it was my dad the first time she saw him. He says he knew because he finally found someone he knew he could actually stand to live with for the rest of his life.
I knew with my husband because he made me laugh hysterically and we could spend whole days together without getting on each others nerves.
You will not have that "in love" feeling with anyone forever. Love is not just a feeling, it is a choice. It is a behavior. Comfortable is not a negative thing. Note above examples.
2007-12-17 04:07:28 · answer #9 · answered by Sharon M 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I knew he was the one when i didnt want to be with anyone else, but then again, I'm 29, I have dated men that I knew were NOT the one, and hes dated other people too-so we just both knew. There is NO way I could imagine my life without him... Don't settle for second best if the best advice I can give you, You're young, live life, and experience everything you want to, its up to you whether or not you want it to be with him, on your own or with someone else.
2007-12-17 04:40:26 · answer #10 · answered by DCDARLING 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋