Why are mothers so sensitive??

Question

I know mothers are protective and all but, sometimes it gets a bit out of hand.

I was with my friend who has a 1 year old boy. I forget what is was he wanted but he was screaming for it. She was trying to not give in and spoil him because whatever he wanted was quite unnecessary.

Anways, she ended up giving in and I casually said jokingly "here is the moment in time when he learns that he can get whatever he wants by screaming."

I guess that may have been a bit rude, but she freaked!! Said "how dare you" and stuff like that.

We have been best friends for like 10 years, why the hostility??

We were not in a store!!! We were at her home!! It was something he wanted that he was not supposed to have!!!

Answer 1

Because motherhood is hard.

Your comment would not have been so bad if you were a mother yourself. Sorry. It the comment came from someone that understood what she was going through it would have had a different affect on her.

She probably felt that you judged her, and you have no basis to be judging any ones parenting, for now at least :)

Answer 2

well you may have been right, however I'm not sure you realize how hard it is sometimes to make those decisions. It can be very stressful to have a screaming 1yr old in public and when stressed we don't always go w/ our better judgement. he is only one and there will be time for her to fix this, it may be harder but there is still time.

**edited**
home or not, it doesn't change the fact that it is stressful to deal w/ a screaming baby and on top of that be critizied (at least in her eyes at the moment) by a friend. It's not really her being over sensitive, it's her feeling critisized by someone who isn't dealing w/ her problems. I think anyone would have reacted like she had.

Answer 3

Not criticizing you, but I know as a mom it's hard enough trying to decide what to do and what not to do, so it makes you feel even worse as a mom when someone else criticizes you to your face. I know I always worry about other people will think of me as a mom, so when someone says something like that, joking around or not, it makes you wonder about the job you are doing, and that because of one little thing other people may think you are a bad mom. Everyone is so judged nowadays, it's hard not to care when people make comments like that. I'm not saying either one of you was right or wrong for your comments and actions, I'm just saying I know how your friend feels since I've been there.
It's hard too cuz sometimes you get other people criticizing you for what you do as a mom, when they have no right to be opening their mouth. My brother for instance - he made a comment once about something concerning me and my daughter, but no matter what he thought I knew I was doing the right thing. He's not around my daughter 24/7, so he has no clue about anything regarding us. Yet he has done plenty of things with her without thinking twice, that I totally reamed him out for doing. And he thought nothing of it, and what danger my daughter was in, but he had the nerve to critcize me for how I handle things at home. And he has no kids of his own either.

Answer 4

I understand that you were joking, but until you've been through it, you can't understand how it feels. Being a mother is the hardest (yet most rewarding) job a woman can do. We put everything we have into raising our children, so we do get very defensive when someone attacks or criticizes the way we do things - especially when the person criticizing us doesn't have kids of her own. Make sure your friend knows you were only joking and meant no harm, but steer clear from the parenting jokes in the future.

Answer 5

I get where your coming from but if i had a 1 year old screaming at me in the middle of a shop, i probably wouldn't be in the mood to hear other peoples opinions.

Answer 6

You know what you have come to a place where you learn about appropriateness, friendship, mothers and adding fuel to a fire. You have an opportunity to grow a little or to be right and clueless.
First of all, all new mothers are very sensitive. Especially young mothers, and mothers who have no husband around to help.
They have a huge responsibility. Most want to do a good job. Lots of them think just having a baby makes them automatically KNOW how to be a model mother. No one likes to be reminded that they are incompetent, especially in an already stressful situation.
You were not being casual and joking-you were serious, and what you said hurt your friend, you just said it in a joking way to keep from being attacked. Didn't work, huh? It is passive aggressive.(not being directly aggressive, and pretending to be innocent.) You got caught-so you are all defensive.
You are absolutely right about what she is teaching her child-she IS teaching him to scream for what he wants, but there are better ways of helping.
This is a case of being right or being happy.
You are right, but did it make you or her or the baby happy? Nope. It strained your relationship and pitted YOU who knows all and has no responsibility to that child and HER who has all the responsibiltiy and zero information about raising a child.
One way to help, if you get a next time, would be take the child from his mother, laughing, and distract him with a fuzzy hat or jangling keys. Be on HER side!
Let her calm down, you help by De--fusing the situation, not making a smart remark or distancing yourself out of embarrassment.
You might discuss with her what you two together can do next time that happens, because it will happen again.
When someone is "freaked" your best strategy is to try to calm the person down, HELP, soothe, even walk away.
Never is it a good strategy to make fun of someone who is already under stress. it is demeaning and very arrogant on your part.
You guess it may have been rude-yeah, it was not a positive action to take. It is VERY typical of a teenager to add fuel a fire, to HAVE TO BE RIGHT NO MATTER WHAT, and to get embarrassed and bail on a friend. All ego and no spirit of love and compassion in it.
Let me leave you with this: YOU have friends for 10 years. That is wonderful. You and she want to keep that, I am sure. Your friendship has changed now. She used to be your buddy and a kid-now, no matter how old she is, she is a mother now, a mother who DOES NOT have a clue what to do next. She will learn, with or without your help-she must! Her role of mother takes precidence over all others-if she has a brain in her head! Help her to be a good mother, and she will continue to hang with you. Make fun of her, and she will dump you. She HAS to.
Your job as her best buddy is to be supportive, to love her, to be on her side as she travels this very important time in her life, and not to abandon her, since she has changed.
I hope you to can weather this storm. Friends are so important.

Answer 7

Might be more that she was simply stressed
I know if I had done that in a shop while young my Mother would NOT have let me scream, but I sure would NOT have got what I wanted.

ANY parent tends to believe they know what's best and implying otherwise might hurt their feelings, but if they are a good friend worth having, they'll calm down later.

Answer 8

Did you mean to ask "why is my friend so sensitive?"

My friends and I joke like that all the time and none have us have run home to sulk. Only thing I can think of is that perhaps you said it seriously. If you did, not only was is rude, but ignorant too.

Answer 9

When you're stressed out it's easy to take comments like that as criticism. Raising a baby it's not an easy thing!

Edit-

It's none of your business if the baby shouldn't have that, unless you were asked for advice. Unwanted advice is annoying most of the times. Speak when/if you have a baby!

Answer 10

She was feeling very frustrated by her child screaming. She knew that it was wrong to give in but it was the easier thing to do to get him to stop. She was probably feeling guilty and what you said hit a little too close to home. She isn't angry with you, she is angry with herself.

It happens to all of us at one point or another.