I have a problem with my best friend of 4+ years.?

Question

I (male) and my best friend (female) have been best friends for as long as we've known each other (over four years). And during our friendship era, we did date on and off. I am homosexual, however she was not aware of this until about 9 months ago. She found out by snooping into my email. The issue is, when first confronted with my homosexuality, she took it hard because of how she found out, but then we talked about it for a while and she told me she accepted it. However due to her behavior towards my wanting to date other guys, I have found that she is indeed NOT okay with it. The reason she is not okay with it, is because she has strong feelings of love for me. I love her too, but she has passionate "spouse" type of love for me, and I don't return her feelings. She says it's too painful to watch me go out and date other guys. But what am I to do? I am gay, that's what we do. Recently I hooked up with this guy, and she says it's over between me and her. I don't want that.

I want us to still be friends because we are SO close. What should I do?

Answer 1

She has feelings for you that you will NEVER be able to return. She has told you that it is painful to watch you date other people (doesn't matter their gender, if you were dating females who weren't her, she'd feel the same).

She needs time away from you to mourn the loss of her fantasy. After she's gotten her bearings then she may be able to be your friend again. She just can't be your friend right now--it hurts too much.

All you can do right now is let her go and email or call her once in a while (once or twice a month) to see how she is doing. Tell her that you love her as a sister and you will always be her friend if she ever needs to see or speak to you about anything. Also let her know that you will give her the space she needs and that you will check in with her once in a while to see how she is doing.

Good Luck.