I know my daughter is going through a hard time right now because her father and I are getting a divorce.She has been acting out really bad towards me because she knows she can.Just this morning she would not let me sign a form for school and now she is going to get in trouble.She is talking back everyday and has no respect.What can I do to punish her so she knows that what she is doing is not right?She is seeing her counselor once a week because of our divorce.She has a 3 year old sister that I think she is jealous of.Please help!Thanks
2007-12-17 00:04:14 · 34 answers · asked by lvbrdy4vr 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Your divorce may be the cause, but is not an excuse to behave badly. I recommend you explain that your not going to be lenient on her, and that she will be punished for what you just described. In my home, direct defiance earns a spanking, yes even @ 10. I have a 11 year old who needed a few spankings last year, so they are to be expected. Note a spanking = your hand to the bare skin of her bottom, at least 10 times (1 per age, 2 depending on what she did). After spanking a few times, you will be amazed how she straightens up after a warning.
2007-12-17 20:47:21 · answer #1 · answered by olschoolmom 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Divorce is very hard on kids. The only people who come out ahead in a divorce are the lawyers.
Just be patient but firm with her. You need to set up rules and guidelines now that she has to follow. There may be times you can relax those rules if you feel it necessary.
She is 10 so there is still some time before you will have no control left at all. Give her more responsibilities around the house that she must complete and allow her to earn some type of reward. She must earn it though.
A feeling of accomplishment and completing goals is very rewarding, builds good self esteem, and also keeps her occupied in a positive manner.
2007-12-17 00:13:24 · answer #2 · answered by Google Rules! 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Are you in charge, or is your daughter? That is what you're saying is happening here.
Take away priveliges. Talk to her teachers, her counselor, and most importantly...to her. Children are the centers of their own universe, and when things don't go according to what they want, they think that they're being punished or that it's their fault. Keep an open communication with her and do your best not to change your discipline methods from the way they were before. Set boundries and stick to them.
Most of all, show a united front with your soon to be ex. Much as it hurts, you have children together and need to be on the same page when it comes to them. When she sees that she can't get away with her behavior, she'll calm down.
2007-12-17 00:25:22 · answer #3 · answered by erin A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can relate to her alot!!!
I am a foster child now because i got unadopted from my former family
So i had to live with another family for some time and it became a nightmare for me because i was backtalking and not listening to the parent there.So now im here at my 2nd foster home crying of the things i shouldn't of done.
That was my biggest regret of my life so far.
If i were you I would just sit her down one day and talk about her behavior and backtalking. Divorces can be hard on a child big time. Trust me it hurts when you miss someone so bad.If she doesnt want to talk about her behavior or backtalking just call up your X-husband and create a schedule for your daughter to meet him like 5 times a month or 1 time every 2 weeks. Good Luck with the Situation and never say you hate your daughter because it will hurt her so bad.<*I Can Relate*
2007-12-17 06:43:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Shes 10. How is she not letting YOU sign a form????
Your the adult here so step up.
Sounds like your daughter is controlling your life. If she can get away with it at 10 years old, just imagine when shes 16!!!
Ask the counselor to talk to her about acting up at home.
In the meantime, I suggest you sit down and talk to her when things are going okay, then maybe she will be calm enough to listen to you.
Normally I would say smack her across the cheek lol because it sounds like thats what she needs. But with a divorce going on thats probably not the best solution.
2007-12-17 00:42:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just love her. Tell her you love her and that you will always love her, that the divorce is not her fault. You don't have to take the disrespect from her, but you don't have to punish, yell and scream at her either. Let the little things slide (for now), but be firm (yet gentle) with discipline, not punishment, but discipline. Call the school and let them know what happened. Let the school dish out the punishment for not having the paper signed - I would encourage them to do so as she was aware of the consequences. For this incident, this should be enough punishment.
2007-12-17 00:33:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bad news..it's only going south from here especially due to divorce. If she has any type of pricavy, take it away along with tv, cell phone, vidoe games..whatever until she learns to behave. make her do house chores for a bout a wekk or two then reward her for good behaviour. She has to learn right now that you are the provider and the adult and disrespect is not awarded. Guide her more closely and try picking her up from school yourself. and dont let her see freinds until ther eis improvement.Also, try to be in good terms with your soon to be husband. Dont fight infront of her especially no where when she can hear you. Whats done is done and you need to work on some kind of peace to make it work for your obligations.
2007-12-17 00:35:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
respect is to be earn you can't demand it even from your children. children will never forgive you if ever you punish them. they will only learn about this things when they have children of their own. the best that you can do is talk to her and tell her that you love her no less than her sister. explain to her that her sister is much younger than her and needs more help than she is and that she as the big sister is being look upon by her younger sibling for this help and attention too. Tell her that it is not a sign that you love them children less because your getting a divorce but instead your after their welfare that you have decided on this course.
2007-12-17 00:27:03 · answer #8 · answered by Rynald 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you mean...'she has been acting out really bad towards me because she knows she can' ?
Unacceptable...she needs to be sat down and told it is okay she is angry and she might not know who or what to direct this anger at, but demand respect from her. If you let her get away with this behaviour now it will only get worse. Include her in everything the little one is, and make a special time (before tucking her in at night) as her time, alone with you just so you can talk about anything...no judging, no arguing, just listening...let her know you will not argue her opinions, you just want to hear her.
2007-12-17 00:10:12 · answer #9 · answered by pissy_old_lady 7 · 7⤊ 0⤋
she needs stability. how did you punish her before the separation? did you spank her then? then spank her now. did you ground her then for these behaviors? then ground her now. if she gets in trouble at school for the form not being signed, then she must deal with the consequences of her actions. DO NOT feel sorry for her for that. this age is a time of learning that there are consequences for you actions. only a portion of her acting out is stemming from the divorce....part of it is the age. and it only goes down hill from here. she's getting ready to start her teenage years and if you don't nip it in the bud now, you are going to have a hell raiser on your hands in a few years. don't let her get away with stuff now that she wasn't allowed to get away with before ya'll separated or that you don't plan to allow in the future. it will only confuse her. once you lose the control over your kids it is extremely difficult to get it back later.
as hard as it may be for you and her father to get along, you still need to show a united front to the kids. if she's grounded at home for behaving poorly then dad should support that by keeping her grounded when she visits him. if you as parents give the child any reason to believe that you don't agree when it comes to punishments, the kids are going to learn to play the two of you against each other and they will never learn boundaries. good luck and i hope this helps.
she's testing the boundaries now. stick firm with the rules and guidelines for behavior. she will come around eventually.
i need to add one more thing.....this is not only a stressful time for her, but also a confusing one one....she doesn't understand the reasons for your break up...all she knows is that you and daddy are no longer together. she's looking for and needing the security of love from both of you....she will get that from stability and uniformity in both homes....she will understand the discipline better if it stays true to how things have always been......good luck with the situation and i hope things smooth out as she adjusts to having "two homes".
2007-12-17 00:19:56 · answer #10 · answered by 4Xthe fun 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋