So I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. When he is normal, he is the most amazing, caring, loving boyfriend a girl could ask for. He is very considerate and does lots of cute little things for me. He never puts me down, has never said an insulting or mean thing towards me, and isnt one of those controlling ******* alot of girls get involved with.
Here's the thing: he has alot of stress/anger issues, and his mom is bipolar and he may be too. When he gets in one of his "moods", the slightest thing will piss him off. Stupid things that normal people (or even slightly angry people) wouldnt get upset about sends him over the edge. Even when he is like this, he has never come out and insulted me, but walking on eggshells around him really gets old. He has done a good job of controlling himself i guess, because he told me the other day that he will get these really hurtful thoughts running through his head sometimes....
2007-12-16 21:27:11 · 11 answers · asked by sami_sam 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
When he gets like this, he usually stays in a bad mood for a few days and then magically gets better and acts like nothing has happened, even though I am still hurt by it. We rarely have sex anymore (think, we're going on 2 months of no sex) but when we do, it is amazing. He has just admitted that he should get help because he doesnt want to be like his mom.
The thing is, though, is that I am 21, and he is 26. I live with him, and while I pitch in alot with the bills, I wouldnt be able to support myself currently alone, living here in southern california with my family across the country.
But because he was like this for so long, I have withdrawn from him alot and started trying to protect my heart from the next outburst he may have, and I think I am falling out of love with him. I may be getting a job in the next few months that I could support myself with, but I dont know if I can stay with him throughout that time if he gets like that again.
Any advice would be most helpful :(
2007-12-16 21:30:42 · update #1
He has been having these anger fits more and more often now, and he is like that more often than not, and therefore I am miserable more often than not. Should I stick around for the few good times we have? Should I give him a chance to fix himself knowing he will still be prone to it for the rest of our lives together?
My mom stayed in a relationship with a man who we found out later hand a degenerative illness, and she was miserable. I dont want to end up like that....
2007-12-16 21:34:03 · update #2
No, he has not been tested, seen anyone, or been diagnosed as bipolar. but he has talked to his mom about it, and she said that all the thoughts he has been having when he is down are just like hers. I told him to go see a psychologist the other day, I dont know how much of a priority he will make it though.
2007-12-16 21:35:52 · update #3
As far as it being a learned behavior, his mom didnt start really acting out until the past few years, and he hasnt been around it because he has been away at college. He is 26, and I am 21, and yes, I do love him... I just dont think I am one of those people who are of the "love conquers all" mentality. Because it surely isnt conquering his moods....
One of the biggest things is that he cant control it even when he really needs too, like he was like that on my 21st birthday and ruined that, and was like that when my grandpa died and wasnt there for me AT ALL through that.
2007-12-16 21:39:18 · update #4
I thought i was reading my own question just then... I was with a guy for 4.5 years, and the exact same thing happened to me, His mum was also bi polar. except he became violent. If you really love the guy Id try to get him to get help, and support him through counselling, anger managemant, medication etc.If he wont get help Id bail while you still can, i know its really hurtful but if he cant get help then it will get worse.
2007-12-16 21:33:04 · answer #1 · answered by Chloe R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well ask yourself this.. Do you LOVE him? I mean really love him. Has he gotten better or progressevly worse in teh past year or so? Can he control it? Is he willing to work on this? How old are you and he? Theres to many variable that we don't know to give an educated answer.... You have to consider it all, the main one being DO YOU LOVE HIM. If you do then its a no brainer. And I mean real love to not some teenage highschool (typical) type of love but the kind of love were you know hes the one.. If your posting this I have a feeling you may be questioning that at the least though. Even so ask youself these questions first and take a good hard look at it, then make your decision. You'll figure it out. :) Good luck and god Bless.
2007-12-17 05:34:29 · answer #2 · answered by Blizzzard 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has anger issues, it could be the result of the way he grew up.. if his mom lashed out at him all of the time or neglected him, he could be reacting to OLD STUFF without even knowing it.. he is not necessarily bipolar.
You do not have to walk on eggshells when he is in a MOOD... you can acknowledge his mood and let him know you hope he's feeling better soon.. and if he acts out and gets pissed off, you can let him know his behavior is unacceptable and you can't tolerate it... ask him if he'd like to sit down and talk about his mood; otherwise, find another outlet for his anger beside YOU.. he can go out running, exercise, play basketball, use a punching bag, but there is no reason to treat you badly... Again, he might lash out at you because that is how he "learned to do things" when growing up.
He would probably do well seeing his doctor and discussing this.. and if i were his girlfriend i would URGE him to go... and in fact, i would probably insist he gets a handle on this by talking to a professional for some assistance or we'd have to break up.
Feeling uncomfortable is no fun. YOu and your boyfriend need to open the lines of communication. If he is in a bad mood, he can tell you "I'm in a bad mood.. and i can't help it" or whatever...
His bad mood should not cause you to "walk on eggshells" ... just continue what you are doing if he's in a bad mood.. his mood should not be a life-altering experience for you, personally. It's HIS mood, not yours... remember that.
take care.
2007-12-17 05:35:16 · answer #3 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's making an effort to control his rage; then you owe it to him to make an effort to show that you support him as well. It's about an 80 percent likelihood that your boyfriend is bi-polar, issues like these *are* inherited. Is he taking medication or seeing a therapist? These things may end up helping him out in the long run, and hopefully you can make your relationship that much healthier and happier.
2007-12-17 05:33:58 · answer #4 · answered by gillianinchains 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If u truly love him im sure ull accept him for wat he is.. at least he take the effort to control himself and he nvr insult u which is a great thing.. u should know that he never choose to have anger issues or watever that u said he have.. u should be understanding enough to know how he feels.. but then again its for you to decide.. but guys like him maybe one in a million although theres millions out there
2007-12-17 05:34:11 · answer #5 · answered by babe maniac.. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok. thats a mess. I have a rommate that is bipolar and I just have to walk away when she gets crazy or not answer her texts when she goes crazy. The best thing to is tell him how uncomfortable you feel when he gets upset and that you still love him but he needs meds or at least get tested, cause he may just pick up his mothers habits and not be bipolar. best of luck!!!
2007-12-17 05:32:29 · answer #6 · answered by CHRISTINA E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! i know someone who is going through the same exact problem....she came to me and told me the same things u r saying only she just started with him for about four months now....my advice to her was that when he gets like that just go away because it could get worse.....and just wait for him to call when he is ready to be normal again...ppl like that need serious help but we cannot help someone who doesn't want to be helped. u know...he has to help himself and deal with his problems himself and find happiness within and for himself...then and only then will u both be happy together. please be careful cause u never can be too careful with ppl even if u have been with them for a while. good luck to u and remember that ur happiness counts too
2007-12-17 05:39:44 · answer #7 · answered by girlygirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can decide -do you love him and do you see yourself being with him in years to come?
2007-12-17 05:30:38 · answer #8 · answered by Jackie M 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES U SHOULD STAY WITH HIM OF HE IS TELLING THAT HE WILL IMPROVE U SHOULD TRUST HIM
U SHOULD NT LEAVE HIM JUST CAUSE HE HAVE PROBLEM U SHOULD HELP HIM OVERCOME HIS ANGER BY GIVING HIM MORE LOVE
2007-12-17 05:31:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Think about your welbing, both mentally and physically.
2007-12-17 05:36:55 · answer #10 · answered by Ann W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋