Ok... I'm In So Over My Head.... I had this boyfriends James** for just over a year, we both decided we were better of as friends and we stayed best friends, about a month after we split I started seeing one of his mates Andy**, he said he was fine with it and we stayed best friends me and Andy** have been together a year and a half now, I never really got over James** he was my first love and I just thought it was normal... The other day me and James** were out and we talked for about 2 hours, I have began to develop very strong feelings for James** and he likes me too but what about Andy**? I don't want to leave Andy who I Love for a filling, but I don't think it is fair to be with him if I like some one else!!!
Help!!
There is also one other thing they are really good mates they both work together and they play football together on saturday and sunday!!! They see each other all the time...
** changed names...
2007-12-16 20:08:47 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
first take some time out to understand your feelings with your ex... are they legit? do you truly want to be with him again? and if the answers turn out to be yes... chances are you're not as interested in your boyfriend and you need to be fair to him and break it off. tell him you don't feel the same but that you really care about hi as a person and friend. then tell james you still have feelings for him which is partially why you ended things with andy.. but tell him you're not ready to be dating him yet because andy would need a bit of time before you could drop this on him. ask james to keep things between you two until you were sure things were going to get serious. then talk to andy again and tell him you fell your ex/his friend again and that he was your first love.. if you give him sometime before telling him this chances are he'll be understanding..but a bit hurt. good luck.. just make sure you really know what you want first though.
2007-12-16 20:28:41 · answer #1 · answered by luckmess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you and James once had feelings for eachother at one point and decided that you were better as friends, then I think that your decision was probably a good one, and i think you have a case of not wanting what you have until it's gone. If Andy makes you happy and you love him, dont throw that away on somthing you already tried once and didnt work. If James was your first love, you'll probably always have some sort of feelings for him, but you need to decide if those feelings are something more, or just the feelings you always have for your first love.
I think that if you leave Andy for James, you guys will realize a few weeks or months down the road that you were just meant to be friends, and by that time you will have broken Andy's heart, and ruined the friendship between Andy and James. Just ask yourself if it's worth it.
Good luck hun!
2007-12-17 04:20:24 · answer #2 · answered by Lindsey P 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It isn't fair to Andy if you like James and James likes you. If you and James are going to be hanging out and having feelings for each other, it's best that you go ahead and let Andy know. Do it nicely, but do it soon.
2007-12-17 04:12:35 · answer #3 · answered by Ashley S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow! too bad u can't have them both!
maybe u should stay solo for a while and sort out ur feelings cause u sound like u r confused and u can't lead one on while trying to get another u know that's not right.....but u r young and I believe u have the right to experiment with ur feelings and choose the one that best meets ur needs and makes u happy all the time even when u r mad......but do so without hurting the other guys feelings....how? communication and honesty works best...good luck and choose wisely :)
2007-12-17 04:15:51 · answer #4 · answered by girlygirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont really know why you bothered changing names lol there are so many people on this website they probably dont even know you anyway...
anyway i kind of had the same experience with my "first love" and deep down i feel like i still love him as a friend and i always will....
the WORST thing you can do is say things in your head and tell yourself things that you think are true or want to be true but really they arent. my boyfriend dumped me after 2 years and his excuse was "we were probably going to break up when we got a bit older anyway" or something like that, i was devistated and for ages i tried to tell myself yeah hes right we were beter off friends rha rha rha but i am SURE thats not the real reason... so dont make yourself believe things that arent true
you can give it another go, if you want to risk it, but remember you have to prepare youself for another heart break... just incase
the ONE thing and the ONLY thing you have to remember is YOU BROKE UP FOR A REASON IN THE FIRST PLACE
on the other hand, maybe you are each others true love, BUT in the end, its your decision.
look into your heart and imagine your life with and without him
write down the pros and cons of being with him and being without him
all in all, it comes down to, do you have feelings for him coz you have been with him before so its safe and it feels farmiliar
or do you really love him? if you arent with him are you thinkingabout him 24/7.. .see how you go over a few weeks and dont talk to see him and see if you miss him or if you forget about him..
its your decision, i hope whichever one you chose is the right one!
2007-12-17 04:17:53 · answer #5 · answered by **Jemma** 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to andy. if he is your friend he will understand. if you love james then it's not fair to keep andy in the dark.
2007-12-17 04:14:57 · answer #6 · answered by princess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's the hormones talking, girl. Think with your brain and leave the other organs out of it. You're with Andy now, and that's it.
2007-12-17 04:13:35 · answer #7 · answered by Orla C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you are really in a screwy situation.
Id say tell Andy whats going on, If you dont tell him he will eventually fin out on his own and its gonna be worser. You're just gonna hurt him more than if you just tell him.
Good Luck.
2007-12-17 04:15:55 · answer #8 · answered by xrobot.ambulancex 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to talk to Andy. it is not fair to continue with the relationship when you know full welll that you like someone else. there is no easy way to do it but try to explain the situation in the nicest way possible. he deserves it.
2007-12-17 04:24:45 · answer #9 · answered by Bernadeth B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi.
Be in a relationship with who you like.
Don't let eather feel upset make a choice and leave the rest on time.
If you split with your first friend then go back to him and see what the solution can be.
Best of luck.
furqani@yahoo.com
any suggestions feel free to ask.
2007-12-17 04:32:53 · answer #10 · answered by Furqan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋