I told R. S. President and she told the bishop I think and he wants to talk to me on Sunday. Will they dis fellowship my husband or anything like that? I am worried.. my husbands going to be pissed..
tiana
2007-12-16 15:45:35 · 21 answers · asked by lovehawaii_23 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
He was mentally, and a little physically abusive...
what do I say to the bishop?
2007-12-16 15:52:59 · update #1
There is no room for abuse in a Latter-day Saint home. Please tell the Bishop the truth. Let him know what is happening. Try to be objective about it but let him know how you feel about it as well. The Bishop will want to talk to your husband and get his take on the situation. If he confesses and is willing to subject himself to the Bishop's counsel, then repentance and forgiveness is possible without further action. If he get's defensive and denies the abuse or tries to blame you for it, such as "you deserved it", or something like that, then further disciplinary action may need to be taken. President Hinckley has been very vocal in opposition to any kind of abuse, especially from men to their wives and children. You cannot exercise the priesthood and be an abuser. The scriptures are very clear that when we begin to exercise unrighteous dominion over others, the heavens are grieved, the spirit withdraws and amen to that man's priesthood authority. In other words, he loses his priesthood authority unless repentance takes place.
I caution you not to feel guilty or responsible for whatever disciplinary action your husband might receive. It is up to him to confess and repent. He must learn to control his anger and to be humble and submissive to the Lord and His representatives. Then he must learn that marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship.
I hope it works out for both of you.
2007-12-17 04:46:47 · answer #1 · answered by rac 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would hope that your Bishop would talk to you privately then with your husband and try to help your husband know that what he does to you (and the kids if there are any) is unacceptable and an abomination in the eyes of God. Mental abuse is just as devistating as any other form of abuse. If needed, hopefully your Bishop will suggest that your husband see a counselor at LDS Family Services. Kerry is a counselor there, although I don't know where he is (city, state). You might need to go too. I don't know if they will disfellowship him or not. Don't be surprised if it goes to the Stake President, or even a Bishops Court, although it might not get to that level. It really depends on the particulars and severity. Remember what is said about unrighteous dominion.
I'm sorry this happened to you, but I'm glad you told someone, especially your RS Pres. You've probably already met with your Bishop, but I hope you weren't scared, but that you went forth boldly and honestly even though I'm sure it was hard.
2007-12-17 10:42:48 · answer #2 · answered by Tonya in TX - Duck 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pissed or not, what he is doing is wrong. You need to realize that. He will be strongly talked to by the Bishop and that is a good thing. If he does not repent immediately after, and has the gall to be mad you and your kids need to get OUT!
I am serious. What kind of priesthood holder in the church does this?! It is disgusting and he NEEDS to change.
The church and its members will be there for you 100%. And when he is on a better path and repents, then they will help him also.
CTR
ps-she said LDS ONLY. Notice how many others piped in?
2007-12-17 10:41:29 · answer #3 · answered by LDS Mom 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you are worried about what trouble he will experience with the church then guess how much trouble he is with the law right now? Why aren't you pissed that the abuse has happened to you? This man needs to feel the wrath of his ways and by you enabling him, life is going to get worse for you, sister! Get some support; contact your local helpline for women in abusive relationships. Don't know what city you are in, but you really need to get another form of direction than with the church.
2007-12-16 23:53:19 · answer #4 · answered by anaise 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
The LDS Church does not condone a spouse physically, emotionally or otherwise abusing another. That is not what Christ taught, and it is against civil law as well. LDS Church teaches us to be accountable to the laws of the land, and such is illegal.
Further, in order to repent, improve, and grow one needs to face the consequences of the law.
A "church disciplinary counsel" would decide regarding disfellowship, excommunication, or probation.
2007-12-17 10:48:53 · answer #5 · answered by Kerry 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Church or not, would you not be more concerned for yourself and have more respect for yourself. What happens to him is far less a concern than you and children. I suspect this will heat up the problem. I would suggest looking up a womens shelter in your area and be ready to get out. They have the resources and the ability to stabilize your situation. Abuse should never be tolerated. I was raised LDS and this man is wrong. The church will just try to council you or him. You need more than that. Safety first. Get to a womans shelter.
2007-12-16 23:53:50 · answer #6 · answered by a2z_alterego 4 · 6⤊ 0⤋
He SHOULD be in trouble with the law!!! Call the police and file criminal charges against him. You are NOT a punching bag. I don't care what the bishop or your RS President says. Put the jerk in jail.
2007-12-17 14:24:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My guess is it depends on the extent of the incident(s). If it is a first time offense, or a relatively recent train of events, he will probably have to go through counseling of some kind. If this has been building up over, say, six months to a year or more, I would think it is possible he would be disfellowshipped for a while. If he is going to be pissed off, as you say, that indicates he has a problem with pride and directing his anger in a non-Christlike way, and he definitely needs counseling and anger management classes.
2007-12-17 00:57:44 · answer #8 · answered by Cookie777 6 · 4⤊ 2⤋
Disfellowship is one course the Bishop may take. This is used to bring about repentance. When someone is not allowed to take the sacrament, it is hoped, he will reflect upon what he has done.
2007-12-17 01:56:51 · answer #9 · answered by Isolde 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I doubt seriously your husband will get disfellowshipped. It wouls serve him right!!!!!!! You need protection and prayer. Don't worry about him, worry about yourself. Please be very careful! I'm more than certain that the bishop will recommend counseling first. Men stick together, trust me! Don't worry about speaking to the bishop. It should be a help to you. I'll pray for you. God Bless!! Good Luck!
2007-12-16 23:56:13 · answer #10 · answered by paula r 7 · 1⤊ 4⤋