Long story short - I'm 31 she is 17. We work in close quarters together and it has become clear she has feelings for me, most likely a normal teenage crush. To make things more difficult, she appears exceptionally, emotionally mature and is quite lovely in appearance.
I know what I should do, but as time goes on she is getting increasingly more flirty/touchy-feely and I am growing increasingly less reasonable.
1) I don't know if a relationship would be "legal."
2) This is the last thing someone of that age would need, messing up the natural best years of her life.
3) I don't want to be "That Guy", you know the one I mean.
I really like this girl and don't want her to get hurt. I need advice.
2007-12-16 15:37:28 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I applaud you for your ethical values and your restraint.
As others have noted, this could possibly turn into a sexual harassment case if you allow yourself to get involved. Also, if you rank above her in terms of your position, then it is a serious abuse of authority....
These are merely informal suggestions, I am not a professional counselor, nor an expert on the subject.
1) Request to be reassigned at work, or if this is impossible, try to find another job if you can. Talk to your manager about it, tell him/her that your personal feelings are getting in the way of your job performance.
2) Maintain a tight professional ethic. Keep your hands to yourself, don't flirt with her, or otherwise give her any reason to think that you are seriously interested. Don't respond to her if she tries to flirt. To do otherwise would be cruel and dishonest to her. Avoid situations where you would be alone together if at all possible.
Once you have the first two covered, then you should probably break it to her as respectfully as possible Just be honest, and cool; don't let it boil into an argument. Remember that simply saying that you're not interested means nothing if your behavior and body language don't reflect this.
She'll have to learn to deal with rejection sooner or later, you can't be held responsible for her feelings, there's nothing you can do about that.
(Also, for some reason, sometimes women or men tend to view "not interested" as a challenge rather than honest facts....I don't know why....)
Good luck,
~W.O.M.B.A.T.
2007-12-16 16:08:55 · answer #1 · answered by WOMBAT, Manliness Expert 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well depending on where you live. it is illegal until she turns 18. first..you need to know for yourself. do you like her? do you think you could be in a relationship with her? honestly. age shouldnt matter. so i think that maybe when she does turn 18. and you guys do have feelings for each other. then why not try? let her make her own decisions and let her decide if she wants you to be that guy. and you wouldnt be messing up the natural best years of her life. so dont worry. i think that if you do have feelings then dont let these reasons get in the way. but if you do really want to just let this go. then you need to just tell her straight out. dont hide behind the bush and lay it down softly. because even though shes young. she still knows what you are trying to say. so just tell her that you guys work together, and its not really appropriate for you guys to have some sort of relationship. maybe you can tell her that you feel uncomfortable with her being flirty. anything like that and she'll get the point. she should understand because im sure shes thinking the same thing, but shes just acting on it anyway. so just let her know that right now its not the time, but you still want to be friends. and who knows maybe in the future you guys can work something out. but for now. no. no matter what you say she'll be upset. because she does seem to like you. so just tell her what you need to say and dont wait too long because she might grow more feelings for you
2007-12-16 23:51:40 · answer #2 · answered by j yanks 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well first of all, I get where you're coming from. In some ways, I am in the same situation and reading all you have to say about it makes me think. I currently have feelings for someone whos 23, and I'm 16. I think if she truly cares for you, like I care for this guy, she'll back off if you just explain to her. Like many times I've explained to this guy that because I do care about him, I will back off at any time because I understand the dangers hes putting himself in and I dont want to be the reason things get screwed up for him. So pretty much, my advice is talk to her and explain to her that although u do like her, at this point in both ur lives it would be best if u dont pursue it and maybe someday down the road if she's still interested in u things might work out.
2007-12-17 01:29:05 · answer #3 · answered by futuresuperstar_91 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wait until she is 18 to talk to her about it. she may see you as a older brother or father type and you said you work together so you have to be very careful with what you do because it can easily turn into a sexual harrassment case- and this isnt what you want. when she is 18 she will be lagally an adult, i think you will still get into trouble going near a 17 year old so wait it out and dont even talk to her about it yet.
it really depends how mature she is whether you will become "that guy"
but goodluck
2007-12-16 23:45:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You seem pretty much immature to allow this relationship to be more than just co-workers. You really need to step out of yourself and tell her that you are not interested in seeking anything beyond a professional work relationship.
If you don't tell her asap, you'll find yourself the exactly what you don't want to be.
2007-12-16 23:46:45 · answer #5 · answered by anaise 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it. #1 you work together. #2, yes it would be illegal because she is still considered a minor. She may seem mature for her age, but I gaurantee you, once you really get to know her, she's probably not. Keep your distance, and let her know that it is not going to work out that way between you. It is more than likely a teenage crush. Don't jeopardize your work, jailtime, or her young life.
2007-12-16 23:42:53 · answer #6 · answered by tinkerbell_pixy24 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
When is she going to be 18 ? for the legal part anyway.
If you really like this girl then go ahead just dont have sex until she turns 18, If she is flirting with you and things then she likes you too so why not ask for out for a drink or something? If everything goes good and you two start dating just make sure you don't be a total jerk and make her regret going out with you.
Just try to make it work
2007-12-16 23:44:05 · answer #7 · answered by dvsgurl2005 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Talk to her alone somewhere. Try to let her down gently by saying the reasons why you don't think it would work out. Tell her that you really care about her and you don't want her to get hurt, but that you don't think it would work out.
Hope that helps. Good luck.
2007-12-16 23:42:15 · answer #8 · answered by trivkc 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
if you're uncomfortable with the age difference, let her know, she should understand, unlike tinkerbell said, 17 is not necessarily a minor, that's a state law, in texas she would be legal.. in 32 states the age of consent for sex is only 16...
http://www.actwin.com/eatonohio/gay/consent.htm
http://www.moraloutrage.net/staticpages/index.php?page=states
check your state to see if she's legal, but it's still your choice to be uncomfortable with it
i suggest everyone check out the links above... only 11 states require that she be 18 to have sex with her, please get informed
2007-12-16 23:58:39 · answer #9 · answered by gammaraze 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to be serious when you tell her and tell her nicely.....if you were ten years younger you would make a great team..but since you arent you are gonna have to be good friends...she will get over it...but you should make sure you are protecting yourself by not being alone with her ...
2007-12-16 23:42:40 · answer #10 · answered by bailie28 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋