wedding ring etiquette?

Question

My dad bought this gorgeous ring back in the early 80s from a friend of his for about $800. I've always loved the ring, so my dad has saved it and also considers it an investment of his. It's 1.04 carats, platinum, and apparently one of the best qualities available. It was appraised at ~$8500 (not with the diamond wedding band). My boyfriend recently proposed to me with it and apparently proposition my dad for it. My dad sold it (both rings) to him for $5000, but told him all that money would go right back into our wedding since they don't have a lot to help me out with. It's a little steep, but I understand my dad's point of wanting my fiance to be proud, as well. Since then, my fiance's father has flipped out and accused my dad of being very wrong by selling it and told my fiance my family isn't normal. He thinks my dad should have given it to us, regardless that it's going into the wedding. Now I don't even want the ring. I guess what I want to know is -- was my dad wrong?

Answer 1

I have both of my mother and father's rings, and she did not charge me anything.

Answer 2

Your dad was not wrong. He bought that ring as an investment for himself and his family. He could have sold it for so much more and used that money to most likely pay for the wedding, but instead he saved your fiance money (about 3,500) if he was planning on getting a similar ring.

I'm not sure why your future father in law thought it was appropriate to open his mouth but it's none of his business. If he's such a good man and financially well off he can just give your fiance the 5 grand.

Don't be mad at your father. He did a good thing

Answer 3

NO, your dad wasn't wrong. Your fiance did put a proposition in with your father because he knew how much you loved the ring. And since it is traditional for the brides family to pay for the wedding, you know you will have at least that spent on your wedding. If your boyfriend is going to propose then they need to BUY that ring regardless from family or a jewelry store. If it was a ring that is supposed to be handed down from generations, then that would be a completely different story. Your soon to be father-in-law needs to chill out because where your fiance got your ring and how much he paid for it is none of his business.

Answer 4

Maybe you should ask your father the reason he did this. You may be right that he wanted the fiance to have pride in his ability to provide you with a ring. was it always a given that you wanted this ring? If it was and pressure was put on the fiance to get this ring then perhaps you should ask him his feelings on why he bought it.
If you feel that it is hurting your relationship then sell the ring for what it is worth and get in excess of what was paid for it and buy another ring. Then use the money over towards your wedding.
But the thing that you really need to keep in mind is that no matter what you do you will end up feeling like piggie in the middle as you can generally guarantee that his folks will have an issue with yours and vice versa.
So if both you and your fiance are happy with how the ring was purchased and want that ring then tell your families to back off as otherwise you set yourself up for a lifetime of it.
Imagine how your family are going to share a grandchildren if they can't even get on over the wedding!

Answer 5

Personally, I don't think there was anything wrong with that, especially since the money is going right back to you with the wedding anyway. Now if the ring had been in the family for generations, that would be a different story. But this obviously wasn't a family heirloom, since your dad bought it as an investment. So congrats to your dad for getting a good return and using that to pay for your wedding (which it sounds like he wouldn't be able to do otherwise), congrats to you for getting married and getting a ring you like and congrats to your fiance for getting you that ring and giving your dad a good return on his investment that is helping him pay for your wedding. It sounds like a good deal all around. After all, many people have to pay for their own weddings, in addition to buying rings and everything else. I hope this cycle of helping each other out continues and that you may have a happy and prosperous life.

Answer 6

Your dad is absolutely not wrong for selling it. It is your fiances responsibility for getting a ring if he wishes to marry you and since he knew how much you loved that ring, he obviously did the right thing. Think about it, the ring gets to stay in the family and your dad said the money is just going to go back into the wedding anyways. It sounds like you dad is a really sweet guy and your fiance too. Just ignore your fiances dad. Your fiance made a decision to buy it from the heart and your dad made a decision to sell it from the heart. All is well, do not let people bring you down.

Answer 7

The groom is supposed to provide the ring. If it was an heirloom from his family, his dad would have had the option of giving it to him. As it is coming from your family, I think it is right that your fiance should pay something for it (and he's getting a great deal at $3500 UNDER the appraised value).

If he didn't pay for it, that would have been the same as your father providing the ring, and what would it say about a fiance who didn't want to buy a ring for his bride?

Would your future father-in-law have paid $5,000 for the wedding if your dad had given the ring to your fiance?

Somehow, I doubt it. He probably would have wanted to put all of the expenses on your family.

Sounds to me like your future father-in-law is a tightwad and a jerk. He will probably always be that way. When he is, just smile and remember how much you love your husband DESPITE his unfortunate gene pool. And be thankful you don't have to move in with his family like you would in some cultures.

Answer 8

I think you Dad is being generous because he sold the ring at a discount to the appraised value and was under no obligation to help your fiance with a wedding band. I think your boyfriends father is the one in the wrong if he just expected your father to GIVE his son the engagement ring to propose to you with. Your father is not proposing to you. Your boyfriend is, and he is the one who is supposed to buy the ring. That he found something meaningful to your life in that ring I think makes it special. That he was able to get it cheaper than what he would have to pay at a store was also a bonus, thanks to your dad. There shouldn't be an argument here. But remember, you don't just marry the person...you marry their family too. Heads up if your boyfriend's father has a warped sense of fairness and is primarily driven by self-interest.

Answer 9

I don't think so at all!
He gave your fiance a deal that he couldn't have gotten anywhere else...
Why should your father have "given" the ring... I agree with you when you say it gives your fiance a sense of pride, and the money will be put right back into your wedding...
Would your fiance's parents preferred that your father sell the ring to someone else at appraised value, and then put that money towards the wedding?!?
Besides, it's not the parents' choice for any of this... how do you and your fiance feel...:)
Congrats and good luck!

Answer 10

I don't think your dad did anything wrong. Receiving free items is not a good habit for a man to build. Besides that, you probably don't want your friends thinking that your guy is so cheap that he had to take a free ring from family in order to propose to you. Now he looks very thoughtful and intelligent: bought you a ring he knows means a lot to you and also is worth more than he paid for it. Besides all that, he has already put a fist full of cash down for the wedding. Bottom line - good move on your dad's and his part. Your future father-in-law should be more interested in your guy taking responsibility instead of getting a freebie.

Answer 11

I think you should be proud to honor your mother's wishes. There is no rule against using a deceased parent's wedding ring, I have even heard of living mothers giving up their engagement ring (not wedding ring of course) for their son's use when "popping the question". Of course you should talk with your fiance` about any "dreams" he might have on the matter of wedding rings but ultimately it is what feels right in YOUR heart. Your mom wanted you to have this option and unless you really don't want to use the ring then why not?!?