how do you cope?? ...?

Question

I've been in a relationship with the father of my children for a few yrs. we waited to get married because we wanted to make sure we were both mature enough to handle it (i'm 19 and he is 20- and that was my suggestion not his.) we have had a rough patch this summer, but i never pictured myself with anyone else....he said he didnt either. we were working things out and i was planning to move back with him after this baby was born (im due February 3, and i'm staying with my mother about an hour and a half away from him.) We had made all these plans and today he told me (i had to MAKE him say it cause he was too chicken) ...he told me that he didnt want to be with me, but he didnt want me to push him away. It came out of nowhere....we had all these plans....and we have kids!....how do i deal with this? what do i do now? I put everything on hold and now i'm not going to have any help! (my daughter is 14 months old and im 33 weeks with this one) how do i get over this pain? it hurts so bad

ok smart azz....my first child was not planned (like u've never done it before...come on now) , and the second was concieved after the wedding date was planned....there were other contributing factors why i decided not to marry him yet....mainly because he let other people influence him....don't make me feel bad for NOT marrying him. know what ur talking about before ur get on ur high horse. ok? i was asking people who have beeeeeeen thru this type of thing before...not people who THINK they know what they are talking about. ***

and another thing....i wasnt asking ...how am i going to raise my kids. im a good *** mother thanks...that worked two jobs in both of my pregnancies...I'd put my kids before anyone...i've been raising myself since i was 11 when my father was murdered...so don't tell me im not mature enough. get over urself.

and its not like im crying me me me me me. The whole reason i moved out is because i was thinking of the kids. dont try to degrade me because you think im a stupid teen. like i said, i've grown up in the "real world" ok. i HAD to grow up very young. this has nothing to do with my maturity level. thanks. im hurt! i need encouraging words from people who've been there! not people looking to bring others down. gah. i get tired of the holier than thou answers people submit!

Answer 1

Could just be cold feet. Give him some time and space. You guys are awful young to be having two kids already and maybe the stress of having to provide for you and the kids is getting to him. If he said he doesn't want you to push him away, he is asking for time to get adjusted to everything that is happening. Don't stress so much. Try not to dwell on the problems, it is not good for either baby. Give him some time and space to think things out and let him know you will be there for him.

Answer 2

I have not been throught something like this, but I want to answer this. Do you want to be with him? I mean, if there is no protection, then why do you need him?And if he is not sure about what he feels, are you willing to waste your life this way? Don't worry about the children, it would hurt more if you break up later, right? And who knows, you may find the right one sooner and your babies would know him as a father.
As long as you can take care of your family, it is okay, I think. It would hurt more to break up when your babies would have known him as a father, they would experience it badly.
He needs to grow up and make clear what he wants with you. Not getting married in a hurry was a wise decision.Remember that you took it to avoid such problems in the future.You should talk to him and if there is not gonna be any solution, then walk away.I know you can do it, raise wonderful children!Your bad experience will prove good for all of you! I cannot do much.Just to wish you good luck from now on.

Answer 3

Because you are a mother you will have to get over it and not dwell, even though I know it hurts. You will have help, because you will file NOW for child support payments and back date them from when you moved out. I would stay with you mother until you get back on your feet and then learn to be a single mom for a while. It sucks but you have children now and it's ALL about THEM and not so much about you anymore.

Answer 4

Okay... you decided to make babies with a guy that you wouldn't marry because you wanted to make sure you were both mature enough for marriage?
You put the cart before the horse. The whole point of getting married is the demonstration of commitment BEFORE the hard commitments of rearing children!
No, he is not mature enough and neither are you.
You essentially gave him permission to break up with you.
File for divorce... you probably need to anyway because you have been living together for over a year (common-law marriage)... and get child support payments coming in.

Answer 5

People seem to be to judgemental. I just want to commend you on doing what you have to do. If you have your bible near read Matthew 6:6 and Philippians 4:6-7. If your have a friend or family member you can share all this you are dealing with please do. In the mean time trust God read Proverbs 3:5-6.

Answer 6

You'll get thru it just concentrate on your kids.I raised 3 girls after my husband and I split up .You'll be real close to your kids.But maybe he'll come around.Good Luck!!!

Answer 7

Tell him okay and hit him up for child support.