When i visit my mom, alot of the time she will talk about the past with family...growing up her family had alcohalism, abuse, and she's not with my dad anymore but he was also controlling so when little things that i don't need to hear for any reason come up and i always leave stressed and just with a negative energy. Life is good now so why discuss a bad past? But even telling me about her friends ill have to hear they're bad news or stories. I dont want to offend her and dont know if its right to tell someone not to speak their mind or thoughts or about their life, but i cant take it ...its definetly not uplifiting! And i knwo she wont see a pychiattrist as shes well adjusted around great people and at a great point in life and wouldnt see the reason.
2007-12-16 13:38:45 · 9 answers · asked by AARON C 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
She just has a lot of stuff that she needs to vent. Buy her a journal for Christmas, and see if that helps any. Other than that, I don't know what to tell you. If you ask her to tone it down she'll probably take offense.
2007-12-16 13:44:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She hasn't got over the trauma of her past. If she is serious about becoming happy she will see a therapist.
If she's not she might be doing it for attention. She's equated pity with love perhaps. So getting your pity is showing to her that you love her.
Next time try to say something like "yeah that's horrible." Just keep up very unemotional and quick responses (without defending her or saying how good she is or how brave she was or anything like that), when she questions it you should be truthful and say "I don't want to hear this bad stuff. I came here to talk about the good stuff." Tell her how stressful her focus on the bad stuff is and how it affects you and how it makes you not want to see her because it always brings you down.
2007-12-16 21:46:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The reason she could seek professional help is because she obviously has emotional distressors left over from a time in her life which impacted her deeply. She's not really dealt with it all or learned to cope, and by talking to you about her past difficulties, it gives her a little bit of relief. Maybe she just doesn't know how to cope with it all.... living with alcoholism always leaves deep, emotional scars.
If your mother is older, then her friends are going to have physical problems, and ailing health... so these are the people she knows and cares about, and when they are sick, she's concerned... and talks about it.
She's not trying to bring you down... she's just expressing her FEELINGS. And it's truly alright to have them, good OR bad...i suppose it's better than her going to the top of a 20 story building and jumping off?
Believe me, i know what dysfunctional means, and what it's like to live in an alcoholic home and to be abused, as well..... i know what mental illness is because i have it as the result of my childhood... and most of all, i understand that people NEED to talk to those they love.
And do you know what else? I NEEDED the people i loved more than anyting on earth, and they were the first to reject my feelings and need to talk... now i am alone, and have no one to talk with... so i suppose that my relatives are happier...
2007-12-16 22:02:43 · answer #3 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes things that happen in the past are not easy to forget. But your mom should try to find some one to talk to about it besides you. She should find a counseler or someone else besides you. You are most likely the only person she feel comfortable talking to about these things. Why don't you tell her it makes you feel depressed and you really feel bad she has gone through so much in her life. Ask her if there is anything you can do to make her feel better.
2007-12-16 22:35:18 · answer #4 · answered by franfifi@sbcglobal.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you love her and that you want to visit her, but her attitude brings you down. You have to protect your mental state. So if she won't leave the past behind for her own sake, ask her to leave it behind while you're with her. Tell her you can't visit her if she doesn't. Once you explain the affect her morose talk has on you, I'm sure she'll understand.
2007-12-16 21:42:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What harm is she doing? None. Just listen for awhile and them change the subject. As people age they love to repeat stories of their past, maybe you can learn something by listening.
2007-12-16 22:03:30 · answer #6 · answered by kny390 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would tell her not to dwell on the past and to focus on the future. That what happened in the past is in the past and that no matter how much she wants to change it she cant.
2007-12-16 21:52:08 · answer #7 · answered by tifah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her ya you told me and then tell her the story in short words that's what i do it works
2007-12-16 22:01:02 · answer #8 · answered by rozycruz 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
omg ur not the only one lol i kno i feel bad and dont wanna say anything to my mom either but yea it totally brings u down ....i just try to be like lets go shoppin that way she wont talk about all that stuff ....but that doesnt always work ...haha so i dunno ....good luck
2007-12-20 16:25:32 · answer #9 · answered by TotallyAwesomeChic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋