What would you do if your adult sibling physically and illegally came between you and your own minor children?

Question

I am the non-custodial parent with 3 minor children living far away. Because of the high cost of travel and overnight accomodations for four as well as an excessive child support arrangement where I must send away over 90% of my disposable income for their support, I've not been able to see my children in person in 3 years although I do webcam with them weekly.

I have full rights of overnight unsupervised visitation on alternating weekends, holidays and for several weeks in the summer -- standard arrangement. But my sister has no children of her own as she chose to pursue her career instead. Now that she is too old to have children, she gloms onto mine which I haven't minded, as long as it is not to the sacrifice of my visitation.

Well this was the 3rd year in a row that she conspired with my Ex-wife to deny me visitation when they came from across the country to within a few hundred miles to my state. (continued below)

I was all prepared to get on a plane and take my children for a long overdue visit in person but my brother-in-law commanded by phone, "We don't CARE what the law says. Do not come here. You will not get to see your kids." This was all TOTALLY illegal but the local police would not help so my only legal recourse now is to sue or get a restraining order to prevent them from coming between me and my children again. This is the 3rd year in a row where my children came close just once during the year, but my sister and brother-in-law either hid their presence from me or outright denied me. I am an EXCELLENT father and this has nothing to do with my parenting. It has everything to do with a couple of extremely arrogant and selfish attorneys -- i.e. my sister and my brother-in-law -- who believe they are above the law and can do whatever they please so they deny me my visitation with abandon and commit felony violations, daring me to raise the money to pursue, knowing I'm strapped.

The divorce court is where the children are located so for me to pursue there would be very expensive. One attorney advised that I could register a certified copy of my divorce papers in my county and sue my sister and brother-in-law here which would be great. But my local attorney has never seen that done so I'm looking for a new attorney and some case law to back up this route for legal recourse. I want to sue for the full cost of plane fare to bring my children to see me which I think at a minimum, I am due after these two have interfered 3 years in a row now with my visitation. I've heard I could sue for much more but I'm not in this for money. I just want to send my sister and brother-in-law a very clear message that they have broken the law in what is a jailable felony in my state and that I should have their law licenses challenged because they are a disgrace to the practice.

If such legal action is too expensive, however, what other creative ideas might you have for me?

To Responder Neutral Party -- You are totally off in your response. My sister HAS no legal rights of visitation. I've offered to support her if she wanted to petition the court for them. She declined. Would cost too much or too much hassle for her. Instead, she infringes on MY time of legal visitation which is illegal if I object. I do. She still does it.

You seem to have the point of view that an AUNT should come before a FATHER. Sorry. You are very wrong. And again, did you even read my question? Of course I am aware that I could fly to see them...but it is the expense as I am paid in kind, but little in cash so what cash I get paid, goes all to child support and yes, I am working on getting those obligations reduced.

I have worked with so many different attorneys, I literally have a business now in legal insurance plans. But family law is largely an uncovered area under my legal plan so yes, this comes out of pocket and we're talking thousands for just the retainer

As to your questioning why it is illegal for my sister to see my children? By itself, it isn't. But interfering with a court order for custody (which is what the non-custodial has temporarily during court approved visitation) in an attempt to deny a parent their rights of physical custody of their own children IS illegal, in my state and many others. You must not have much knowledge in these matters and I would suggest you reserve your criticism for topics you genuinely know about versus taking pot shots at people and talking down to them. For someone pronouncing yourself "Neutral", you certainly have taken a very non-neutral stance and shown little to no understanding for the way family laws and custody works.

In response to Responder Susan: Yes, I am all over the father's rights angle and am in consultation on a new approach. The problem in my sister's county is that the District Attorney purposely does not pursue custody cases (along with big groups of other cases) because he is moderating his work load and is highly criticized for being a lousey and lazy old man D.A. Sadly, what he is doing (i.e. not enforcing the law) is quite common when it comes to visitation issues and there is a HUGE double standard in the U.S. about this. The US government spends 36 times the amount to enforce child support versus visitation "encouragement" via classes. Violate visitation rights? Rarely will police help. Don't pay child support? YOU GO TO JAIL! HUGE inequity and I'm working to change this. I changed state law this past year to make visitation by webcam a legally enforcable request as a mitigant to unlawful in person visitation interference. So yeah...I'm a "get it done" kind of guy.

Another angle I'm looking at is to report her to the Bar Association in that lawyers are expected to operate at a higher level of integrity, even in their private lives, because they have been entrusted with administering and interpreting the laws of our land. If found guilty, she could be fined, censured, reprimanded, or brought before a tribunal to answer to the charges. I was reluctant to do this before because it would be me against a whole community of lawyers and they have a tendancy to "let one hand wash the other." So going private in a civil lawsuit may help equal the playing field.

I am a media expert of 20 years and have been talking with the local newspaper in her area. The problem is, too often they perceive this as one side complaining so it isn't neutral enough to appear fair and balanced. The real story, however, is that visitation interferance is RAMPANT across America. So if I can raise awareness and demonstrate how broad this problem is, I might get coverage

Answer 1

If it was me I'd give up the life I had to move close to my children.

Answer 2

BusyMomKaren's legal thoughts and the father's rights groups sound like a good start. Your ex wife is violating your rights to see your children, and I'm sure you can do something about that legally if you're willing to go through the hassle. However, on the sister front -- are your parents still alive, and are there any other siblings? If not, do you and your sister have a mutual friend? Perhaps they would help you intervene with your sister.

Another thought -- I know you have the right to have the kids come see you and stay with you, but until you get the courts to make your ex-wife send them along, it would be cheaper for you to go see them (1 person's flight cost, 1 person's accomodation, etc.) Three years is too long to go without seeing the kids. Take a couple of days and go see them. They need you.

Answer 3

Look around. THere is a lawyer out there who will help you and let you pay on the payment plan. Just call around or ask some friends. Take it to court. And make sure they know that you mean business. Your kids need you as much as you need them! Also, consider filing to have your child support reduced. That will at least get you in front of a judge who will get to hear about you not seeing kids. A great paper trail for you when you try to get them for not letting you see kids. If worse comes to worse, get a credit card and put expenses on there and make minimum monthly payments. May take forever to pay it off, but aren't the kids worth it?

Answer 4

If you can, go to the court where you divorced and signed a custody agreement. Ask for a hearing. Your ex must abide by the court order.

Answer 5

Try talking to Legal Aid or other organizations. Try looking for a "fathers without rights" or "parents without custody" group in your area.
I also found this: http://www.fathershelphotline.com and http://www.fathersrightsinc.com

You will need some professional help.

Answer 6

Ummm, why is it illegal for your sister to see your kids? Your sister is right. If she made arrangements to see your kids on her own, and she only gets to see them once per year, then that is her time to see them, not yours. Your kids deserve to get to see their other relatives DRAMA FREE. It's not like your sister is taking them off your doorstep. What kind of parent would want to keep their kids away from loving family members? Your kids are lucky they get to visit their aunt once per year.

Make your OWN arrangements to see your kids on your own time and dime. Don't put your sister and your children in the middle of your personal drama. If you cannot afford to bring your kids to you, then you get a plane ticket and hotel room for yourself, and you go see them once per year.

If you have anger issues, you need to get help to make things better for yourself and your kids. If you don't, you have no one to blame but yourself for your own problems.

Answer 7

this is so heartbreaking, but i think you will be able to see your children soon, look up a good lawyer