How on earth do I keep everyone happy without going mad. My step-daughter who doesn't now live with us, has a habit of turning up at all hours drunk (she is 15). She appeared last night at midnight and kept us up until 3am. I have two other children to care for - one is only 3 and very active. If I don't get a good nights sleep, I am good for nothing the following day. I have asked my husband on numerous occasions to have a word with his daughter and explain that we love seeing her - just be sober and make it sociable hours (excepting emergencies of course!). He has never done this and always left it up to me and so I end up looking like the nasty one who doesn't want her around. Behind her back, he has said awful things about her and he says he doesn't really care about her and that all his children are money-grabbing s..ts anyway. I might add that she hasn't been to our house for a few months but is quite happy to visit her brother and aunt who live 100 yards from us.
2007-12-16 10:03:03 · 9 answers · asked by AUNTY EM 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
sounds to me this girl needs her dad to be a dad and maybe you should back off and let him be one, why do you have to stay up too.you come across as sounding bitter and maybe hes agreeing with you to keep the peace.this girl has problems at 15 its not to late to be resolved, he has a resposibility to this girl to help her no matter how much she interferes with your life.
2007-12-16 11:42:46 · answer #1 · answered by lavender 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow.....okay, ah...15 and drinking regularly...not a good thing..I don't mean to place blame, but must point out that a TEEN really shouldn't have such behavior. I do understand about the toddler and sleep issue. You are correct to request some social etiquette. This issue is bit bigger than that I think. I know you don't want to be the nasty step parent...but SOMEONE has to be the parent!!! The legal drinking age is 21, and this may be signs of something else....at any rate it should be address by an adult. Whether it is a step parent, real parent, teacher, pastor, mentor..somebody needs to DO something!! Not sure what answer you where looking for, but that young lady's future well being needs to be safeguarded.....
2007-12-16 18:19:22 · answer #2 · answered by lakota164 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay. Your husband is pretty much AWOL on this one, therefore you are in charge... so tell him he no longer has any say in the matter.
Quit answering the doorbell or phone after 10 PM.
If she insists on showing up to rattle your world, take a few minutes to read her the riot act and then shove her out the door.
If she still will not "get it", consider calling the police to have a drunk person removed... a few days in the drunk tank might be just the cure she needs. DO NOT allow your husband to bail her out!
If your husband's ex has custody of this 15 year old, you need to call Children's Protective Services and let them run the intervention on the little drunk. DO NOT let them pawn her off on you, though.
2007-12-16 19:26:11 · answer #3 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh I wish I had such an easy time dealing with stepfamilies.This one is fairly easy.Tell your husband that if he doesn't do something,the next time you will just have her physically removed for public intox.Right now I am struggling with my ex husband and his family all wanting to have the kids for the holidays,but no one wants to communicate with one another.My question is this,where is the childs mother that she is drinking at 15?I would ask your husband what he thinks about petitioning for custody of this child.Then I would lay down some ground rules as to what is acceptible behaviour for her.I certainly would not condone the allowance of her being out at all hours,much less the drinking.Your husband needs to step up and be a true father,not a part time dad who is only there for financial support.If you do not push him towards this,he will never be there for any of his kids,including your own.
2007-12-16 18:15:19 · answer #4 · answered by sacred_hart_99 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not fair on you that your husband is not more supportive in this difficult situation. But equally, that is not your step-daughter's fault. She is obviously troubled and may really value the fact that you are there for her. We had a similar scenario years ago with my husband's younger step-brother who was kind of like a stepson to me.
Based on our experience I suggest that if you have room you create a safe space that your step daughter can crash in while causing you minimum disturbance. LIke a spare bed or even use of the couch. And explain to your husband that he has to share the role of looking out for her.
If you have time why not invite her round when she is sober and be a sympathetic ear. At present she may only have the confidence to visit you when drunk; if you build a relationship she may have the confidence to visit you when she's sober.
Good luck!
2007-12-16 18:15:47 · answer #5 · answered by Bridget F 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow I'm really wondering why you married your husband. I'm guessing his children were mostly raised by their mom but still doesn't seem right for him to let her show up drunk at all hours of the night and say such cruel things about her. If she hasn't been over in a couple months don't worry about what to say or do until she causes problems the next time she visits. I think she might have caught on to the fact that she isn't welcome and is avoiding you guys.
2007-12-16 18:10:37 · answer #6 · answered by nobody 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Gosh! Teenagers! You sound like you really do have your hands full. I understand as my step sister- who lives at home is going through the 'drunken' state from time to time. I have a four year old that is hard work, i would hate to have to 'put up' with the two types!
With my sister, i try to encourage her to do the right thing by making her believe she is the one making the decision...oh, going of course, you didn't ask that did you?
Trying to please everyone heh?
GIVE UP NOW.
It is impossible. Be YOU. Do what YOU want. Be selfish for a change, the fact that you are posting this Q is a suggestion that you may not be pleasing yourself enough.
At the end of the day, if you try to do everything to please everyone, not EVERYONE will be happy. Just do what you want and if you please everyone along the way, you will feel better about it.
2007-12-16 18:12:09 · answer #7 · answered by AnneShirley03-03-07 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is a big a-hole. He sounds like the worst parent in the world! He doesn't care about his OWN daughter. She is getting drunk at 15! His kids are money-grabbers! Well, tell him it cost money to eat, get clothes, etc. What a good-for-nothing a-hole of a dad!
2007-12-16 18:09:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
It's all up to him to tell his daughter the rules. If you said anything she would just make things worse. He needs to grow a pair and step up and tell her that she needs to only come at a agreed up on times. And he needs to think of you and his other children. Good Luck.
2007-12-16 18:11:31 · answer #9 · answered by brianswife 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋