What do you think about marriage?

Question

I am not a christian- I was brought up one but wouldnt be hypocritical enough to call myself one now. I have had a wonderful girlfriend for 5 and a half years now, and we are amazing together. Is it right to get married? Marriage really, although people take it for granted, is a declaration before 'god'. But I think that also it is a good foundation for a relationship, which to me is maby more important than worrying about being a hypocrit and getting married for the wrong reasons. I know a lot of people will say if my relationship is as good as I say, then I dnt need marriage to back it up, or make it mean anything. But I like the idea of it, y'know, having a wife, being a husband. I think marriage to me is about officialising something that you want forever. Not to mention my gf, who has never been a christian is adiment that i propose! So am I wrong? Or is marriage simply the right step for a beautiful relationship? What do you think? Opinions not orders please... :o)

Answer 1

Lots of people get married who arent ready. Your relationship is built on time and dedication. If you two are that happy together then there is nothing wrong with getting marreid and making it "offical". There are a lot of reasons to get married. You don't have to have a religious ceremony for it to be special. Good luck, and follow your heart!

Answer 2

I'm 45. I married when I was 30 because I liked the idea of an instant family (my wife had a 3 year old). Unfortunately she was a nutcase, and we didn't live together first, and it was probably the biggest mistake of my life (except that I got a son out of it, whom I have custody of now).

That marriage SUCKED.

I remarried. I've been married two years (lived with her for two years first). I love her. It's great. This marriage ROCKS.

It's not MARRIAGE, it's who you pick. If you're doubtful about someone before marrying, it's not going to change after marrying.

I don't know where you are in the "live together first" department, but if you're open to it, it will tell you a LOT about the person you're going to spend your life with. I found that with my wife now, we could probably be married for 80 years with no change. I knew what kind of person I was looking for and found her.

Marriage, originally, was not anything "before god" or whatever, but simply a legal and financial arrangement, typically a way to merge two family dynasties.

Now, well, you know what it is now.Ultimately, though, it's not any different than being employed by a company as opposed to being a contractor - not to be so crude, but really, it is. The terms may very, but you still have to work with the same people.

DON'T get sucked in to going for "the dream" if you're not comfortable with her. If she is someone you can wake up with and say "I could wake up every day of my life next to her and be happy", then marry her. If you're questioning it, then don't. And for goodness sakes, don't bring kids into it until you know. You CAN find someone you want to be with. Maybe it's you're girlfriend, maybe it's someone you haven't met - I don't know - but don't go for something that doesn't really make you happy.

On the other hand, if she really REALLY makes you happy, go for it!

Answer 3

I think you got the key toward the end of your question: "I think marriage to me is about officialising something that you want forever."

If you are both ready to commit to a life together, that's what it's about. But don't think of it as losing your freedom; you aren't really free if you aren't free to make a commitment.

But if you aren't Christians, and one of you was raised Christian but the other wasn't, you might want to have a serious talk about what both of you mean by marriage, because you might be carrying some baggage there. Make sure you are on the same page.

I would advise that you not go into this if either one of you is thinking seriously that "if it doesn't work out, we can just get divorced." Divorce does happen, but getting married while thinking about divorce as the option when the going gets tough is probably one of the major causes of divorce.

The going WILL get tough. (Trust me on that. I've been married 25 years.) If divorce is your first option when that happens, you'll take it. I don't condemn divorce, but if you make this commitment while thinking it's your "out," you're not really taking it seriously enough. If you're really committing to each other, you owe each other better.

Answer 4

In a secular society, which the United States and most of the world is, marriage is a legalism designed to ensure the smooth transition of property from one person to another. Generally this would mean from the father to the mother (after he dies) and to the children after the mother dies.

It also used to exist to provide a legal underpinning for establishing blood relations and to support claims for membership in a particular family or clan.

That said, marriage is not outmoded. It is very common in today's culture, it does provide a legal framework for property and relationships to be hung on, and it does indicate a level of commitment that signifies that people are serious about maintaining a life together.

It can be a religious ceremony as well, but it doesn't have to be. Go to the local Recorder's office or Justice office on Valentine's day, and see the literally hundred's of couples who get married by City Hall.

Answer 5

If God isn't the center of your relationship, all marriage is is a legal (business) contract. It says your spouse owns everything you own, and if the relationship dissolves, you give her half, if not more. I don't see the point if it's not a three way contract. (God, Husband, Wife.)

That being said, my husband and I have been together about as long as you and your girlfriend, but we've been married for over 4 years. My legal status to him is next of kin. Your legal status to your girlfriend is friend.

Answer 6

5 years is along time to be together and not be married. If you know she is 'the one' than marry her. She may just move on if you don't ask her already. There is no commitment otherwise, you are just dating. Marriage is a lot of work, but its worth it. Ask her already!

Answer 7

I am a christian. My husband and I make it a priority to have God in the center of our relationship. Lots of people don't, and they wonder why the divorce rate is over 50%. People are basing their marriage on "feelings" rather than if God has chosen that particular person for them. No one's marriage will last without a good strong christian foundation. God created mariage, wheather you want to believe it or not. If you don't believe in God or Jesus, that is your decision. But don't expect a marriage to last without God in it.

Answer 8

It is better to have tried and failed than not to have tried at all. If you want to try spending the rest of your life with the woman you love now, then do it. My parents have been happily married for 35. I'm married, have been for almost five years and I love it. I hope it works for ever.