My parents argue almost every day...?

Question

They've always had little petty arguments, but it seems like as my brother and I have gotten older, its gotten worse. There has never been any physical abuse, because both of my parents really are good people. I am a very sensitive person, so I usually end up crying when they fight. I am 17 years old now, so this is a little embarrasing to admit. Most of the arguments start out small, like today they started arguing over who sually vaccuums up the needles from the Christmas tree. Then it turned into this huge yelling match.
I know that when they were younger they loved each other a lot. I think they still do, or maybe thats just me being too hopeful. After each argument my mother usually comes into my room and apologizes for fighting in front of my brother and I. But I've only seen my dad apologize a few times.
Also, my dad has a problem with contradicting himself. H will say something hurtful during an argument and the later deny that he ever said it.
What should I do?

Okay, so my dad just came into my room and said he was sorry, that they shouldnt fight in front of us, so I feel a little better now. And I actually am already in college and home for Christmas break. It just upset me that its only my 2nd day here and they're already arguing. Thank you for all of your help. It really comforts me to know that other people are going through this. I'm just thankful that the arguments aren't a lot worse.

Also, they know it upsets me a lot, because I have made the mistake of getting into it with them and so they know how I feel about it. I think the main reason that they fight is because they are both home together a lot. Its normal for people to fight when they spend a lot of time together, right?

Answer 1

Just sit down and talk to them about it. Or if that doesnt work, then schedule them an appointment with a Family Consultant...tell them Merry Christmas when they recieve the news!

Good Luck!

Answer 2

I'm sorry that you are having to go through this. I think you should tell them everything you've told us. Have a family meeting. Try to get to the bottom of WHY they're having these petty arguments. If they really love each other, then they should care about how the other person is feeling. It sounds to me like they have forgotten.... Love isn't mean and cruel. Love doesn't mean keeping score.

And I'll tell you a secret that I learned from my grandparents who were together 54 years before my grandpa died. Someone needs to chose to shut up and let the other person be right. EVEN if they're wrong! They both can't be right everytime and someone has to be willing to let the other have one (a win)... Do you know what I mean?

Being right about some silly little thing isn't really that important, is it? It also sounds like they need to learn to fight fair. You know, stick to the issue at hand and don't get personal. Saying mean and hurtful things can't get anymore personal..... and it will do more than win a fight. It will lead to a new fight down the road. People who REALLY love each other won't be trying to tear down and hurt each other. I would like to suggest some kind of counseling....either with a preacher or a professional counselor. This might help them see whether or not they still want their marriage and love each other. And the counselor will give them some new tools to use when it comes to having conflicts.

Good luck to you. And your parents.....

Answer 3

A lot of times, stress will manifest itself in different ways...like arguing over silly stuff. My wife and I recently moved out of state...both started new jobs...and put our toddlers in new daycares. We have DEFINATELY been under a lot more stress than we have ever been under in our lives and I find we are fighting much more because of it. Everything is much more difficult and much harder. We haven't been able to find a home that we like to move into so we are stuck living in a town home with two toddlers...that are acting up because they are also under stress because of the move.

So, I guess what I am saying is that your parents may still love each other a lot, but there is probably something else going on that is causing them to lash out at each other because they can't control whatever is the real culprit. Do you know if there is something going on like money or job issues? Is somebody in the family really sick?

I'm not saying that you are, but if there is anything that you kids are doing that could be creating stress or adding to the stress levels, like not listening to them when they ask you to do something...please change your behavior because that might help the situation.

Answer 4

You really can't do anything. I just suggest you try to be strong for your younger brother. It is uncomfortable for anyone to hear their parents argue all the time. The good thing is that your 17 and can drive. So, maybe you should try to stay out of the house, and try to get your brother out as well. Also, I suggest you go out of town for college or start working and move out. Things will be a lot better, when you no longer live in the house.

Answer 5

The best way to get your parents' attention,is by talking to them as if you are wise beyond your years. Ask them something like "Do you guys ever think about how this aurguing might be affecting us kids? Do you want us to someday get married and have a relationship like yours?" Also,when your mom comes in your room to apologize,ask her if they would consider getting counseling. It isn't healthy for anybody in that situation,especially if it makes you cry.That is just too much of an emotional burden for you,honey! Tell your parents that you are only 17,and you should be worried about other things besides your parents fighting like 10 yr.olds.And if they won't get counseling,ask them to at least argue somewhere so you and your brother don't have to hear it.Good luck,and I'll be praying for you!!!

Answer 6

Don't get in the middle of it. This is a problem between your mother and your father therefore you shouldn't get involved. I know that you want to help out but that will only make it worse. Try to clean up after yourself, or sometimes if your mom/dad had to do something and forgot, do it so the other parent doesn't get mad at the other parent. Try to get good grades in school and take care of your brother. Don't argue with him and try to just be the best child they can get. Also, support your mom when she's down on herself about your father...that's the best you can do.

Answer 7

My parents argued everyday when I was growing up to the point of me getting stomachaches so bad I thought I was going to literally crap myself. Now, that I'm an adult I stay away from guys that are very aggressive. I'm sorry you have to go through it but try and talk to your parents and let them know how much it upsets you. If they continue to argue. . . you only have a couple of more years. . . start saving so you can get your own place or go away to college. Good Luck!

Answer 8

All married people have spats. Some more
than others. However, most mature people
don't argue in front of their kids.
I'm sorry for you. I'm sorry for your parents.
You're not alone. Many of us have been
through this.
You can't change your parents. But you can
raise your own children someday, by your own
standards.
I wish for you the best.

Answer 9

Its not your fault. The good news is you are 17 and a little older to be mature about it. But sit down and talk to them. They might be suprised. And hopefully they wil seek counsel. But dont sit back and say nothing.

Answer 10

You need to talk to them and tell them these things. When your father says something hurtful, speak up right then and tell him how it makes you feel. Then he will not be able to deny it. It sounds like he has a hard time expressing himself without yelling.