My daughter has had this boyfriend for 2 years now. He treats her TERRIBLE!! I see it, her friends see it, other family members see it. He even threatened to kill her one time and also has ask her to have a 3-some. My daughter has told me all of this.
She met another man at college who to my husband and I seems perfect for her. I forced her to dump her current boyfriend to be with this other guy.
He drove all the way (4 hours away) to come visit her over Christmas break already IN THE SNOW....he brought her donuts took her out for ice cream last night and treated her like a queen. He even got her a Christmas gift.
I allowed him to stay the night here since the roads were awful. This morning my daughter couldn't get rid of him fast enough. She made up an excuse stating she had to go to work and then made up a second excuse stating that she had to go with friend's to lunch!!!
Then she went over to the ex boyfriend's house to talk to him and now he's coming over tonight!!
2007-12-16 06:00:41 · 51 answers · asked by Nnay 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I don't know what to do!!!
why does my daughter keep going back to him!!!
2007-12-16 06:01:08 · update #1
My daughter is 20 years old by the way.
2007-12-16 06:04:44 · update #2
wow
2007-12-16 06:02:46 · answer #1 · answered by J 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Umm... isn't the answer obvious. The fact is this other guy is allowing himself to be treated like a doormat. At this stage in life your daughter is turned off by this behavior. This other guy will do very well in a marriage, whereas her bf that you hate will not. However until then, the bf will have the upper hand, because he's the so called 'bad boy'. I'll bet his behavior is appealing to her because he presents a 'challenge' for her. This emotional rollercoaster he has her on is an appealing alternative to her otherwise daily routines. I'll even wager that you yourself wouldn't fall for this new guy when you were her age.
2007-12-16 06:10:09 · answer #2 · answered by unixmachine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They have a history, and been through a lot, shes attached to him, and it probably feels weird being with anyone else. If he doesnt physically abuse her then really you should be thankful for that. She needs to learn how to not tolerate his crap if she is going to stay with him, and show him that she isnt going to put up with him walking all over her like that. There isnt much you can do to get them apart because the more you try the further your going to push her to stay with this guy. She has to decide she wants to be away from him on her own without everyone who dont like the guy telling her hes wrong for her. That never helps the situation any. When shes ready to move on she will, dont push for it. The whole date she went on the other day was probably all uncomfortable for her because of the circumstances, she isnt sure what to do right now, and all of the pressure shes feeling from it all probably made it so she couldnt enjoy herself. Just leave it alone for now, shes old enough to make her own choices even if they arent ones you approve of. She will eventually see what your seeing, and figure out that its time to move onto something better, but it wont happen until she is ready to let go. The only thing you can do is be there for her when she needs you.
2007-12-16 06:26:34 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that your daughter may be trying to "live on the edge" or even subconsciously just to rebel against you, her authority figure. I think that instead of negative reinforcement, by making her break up with her ex, you should try some positive reinforcement, even mixed with some classical conditioning. Maybe be a lot nicer, or make better food when she comes over with the boy you approve of, and when she comes with this boy you don't like, get McDonalds, or have leftovers. When she comes with the boy you like, make the house warm and cosy and inviting, lots of yellow light, fireplace (if it's cold), etc. Otherwise, if she comes with this other boy, leave the house slightly cold and uncomfortable. Subconciously, she will come to realize that the boy you like is better, safer, more comfortable, and the other one is not.
2007-12-16 06:08:40 · answer #4 · answered by Shounakenator 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mt God. I couldn't even read your whole question. The first part made me nervous enough. Get professional help. I have been a victim and left for dead .You don't want your daughter to become a statistic. And I hate to say this, but the Police are useless. Get a Victims advocate through an abuse service. The Police say they can't do anything unless you are beaten or dead. So sad, but so true. Speaking from experience.
2007-12-16 06:07:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter isn't as innocent as you think, and get your head out of your butt... the moment you start "forcing" someone to choose who they are with, you've already failed.
Now I'm not saying this guy isn't a terrible guy, and in no way am I sticking up for him. But I'm not also going to say that I pity your daughter or you. If you want to help her, don't pick her men for her. If you want to resolve her relationship problems, get her a counselor where her and her boyfriend can sit down to work out their problems. If she is being honest (god forbid she's overexaggerating... I don't imagine she was honest when she drew on the walls as a kid) then this guy needs to work on anger management.
Not everyone is a case where you give up on. Give this guy a chance, and it's quite possible that you may grow to like him and make this relationship work.
Most of the time in situations like this, the daughter runs to the boyfriend for freedom, and when an arguement rises, she runs back to mommy so she can make it better. Then when she gets tired of mommie's controlling nature, she runs back to the boyfriend so he can make it all better.
Realize that if she could lie to you about her having to go to work in the morning, then she can lie to you about other things. This guy that drove 4 hours in the snow and bring donuts sounded like he wanted something in return. But that's just my assumption with the facts given.
2007-12-16 06:10:00 · answer #6 · answered by untamed_soul 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women like strong men. Often women some how equate strong men with crappy behavior. If she was older (your age) she too would love the guy you would pick (experience).
Your story is probably the second oldest story in human experience.
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The harder you drive your daughter, the harder you drive her away. Me and my twin brother was raised together. We could not be more different. There's only so much a parent can do to influence their children. You have to accept that.
Good Luck to you and your daughter.
2007-12-16 06:06:32 · answer #7 · answered by Lover not a Fighter 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I truthfully think that if you trust this boy enough (and I think you do trust him from what you have told us) I think you should let them stay home alone together. You even said that he is like a son to you, So he will respect your daughter and not do anything they shouldn't be doing. I hope that helped, Good Luck!
2016-05-24 05:31:56 · answer #8 · answered by jeniffer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish I would have listen to my parents when I was younger. I went through my fair share of losers and now am a newlywed to the greatest guy on earth. A total opposite from what I was going out with, dating. It's just a sort of a phase. A rebelous stage. Don't push! She'll get tried and find some one right for her.
2007-12-16 06:06:58 · answer #9 · answered by Melissa A 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Since you call him a boy, I'm guessing he';s under the age of 18. Since he threatened to kill your daughter, why haven't you called the police? Exactly what sort of parent are you?
The threesome--big deal. That's their private life. If your daughter says no. That's her choice too.
He brought her donuts. Donuts? Seriously? Why don't you have a backbone and toss the guy out on his ***?
2007-12-16 06:06:10 · answer #10 · answered by fugutastic 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Have you heard the phrase you want whats not good for you. If this man has threaten her and is verbally and mentally abusive to her, she may feel she can do no better that there is some sort of reason the other man wants to be with her. He has broken her self image and self want. do not force her to see the other guy and not see the ex this will just force her to want and see the ex more. Just stand by her. next time he threatens to kill her call the cops. She willsee on her time.
2007-12-16 06:06:58 · answer #11 · answered by mkys 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋