Last night some friends and I were drinking. My friend, we'll call him Bobby, and I were getting a little touchy feely. We were all on the couch and he was reaching underneath my shirt. I didn't say no, and I didn't try to move his hand or anything. Well he has a girlfriend, she wasn't at the party. As soon as everyone fell asleep we went into the bedroom and had sex. He left shortly after that, I'm sure he feels guilty. As do I because I know his girlfriend and she's a sweet girl.
Well I don't know what to do. Should I tell her?
Should I wait until he tells her, if he even does?
I think things are going to be awkward from here after, because Bobby and Jane live together. I see them constantly and I really just don't know what to do. I need advice.
2007-12-16 05:06:48 · 16 answers · asked by optimistic jeskka; 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He was sober, I was drunk. We are both at fault, but I'm sick of being chastised.
2007-12-16 17:03:57 · update #1
As bad as you feel, he's the one with the real problem.
Go to the girl and apologize for your behavior, tell her you were drunk and used poor judgment. (Drinking isn't an excuse, you still used poor judgment)
Their living situation isn't your problem. You need to be honest, otherwise you're just enabling.
I'd explain to "Bobby" first, give him the chance to try to make things right between he and Jane, but if he's too chicken, go do what you need to do to be at peace with yourself & "Jane".
Sorry
Luck
2007-12-16 05:11:27 · answer #1 · answered by spam_free_he_he 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all you can't change what happened - so I'm not going to say that you shouldn't have done that in the first place.
You really should touch bases with Bobby, talk it over with him and decide what you want to do. If anyone tells it to Jane, it should be Bobby - he is her boyfriend and therefore he was more at fault than you. If she's a sensible girl then she will know that y'all didn't mean anything, and that you are both terribly sorry and don't mean to let anything happen again. She will probably take it hard, but hey, it's a pretty bad situation.
Also, if Bobby wants to keep quiet, let it be. Don't do something other than what the two of you decide. Just make sure that he's not going to let it happen again, and then try to forget about it. It's all up to the two of you, but personally I would tell the girlfriend.
Remember, you can't control what other people's reactions are going to be, so just try to figure out what you need to do to make yourself feel best - don't be hinged on her feelings (but don't be insensitive to her either!).
2007-12-16 05:18:03 · answer #2 · answered by missknightride 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This was no accident(waiting for people to fall asleep is a conscious decision)....what you did you did very deliberately, so why act all guilt-ridden now? Where did you think things were heading when you were getting "touchy feely" BEFORE everyone else fell asleep? Where was your concern for his "sweet" girlfriend then? You both did what you did because you obviously wanted to, so why go through this high "post act" drama now?
As for confessing to his girlfriend, you can if you feel you must but it's better coming from him; he's the one who's involved with her. Anything you tell her is going to come off insincere: "You're so concerned that you thought she needed to know, but that concern didn't stop you from sleeping with her man in the first place?". (That's a valid question, which is precisely why it's better coming from him than from you.) Good luck.
2007-12-16 05:31:07 · answer #3 · answered by Captain S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem to have a bigger problem than that.
1st of all, It is his call to tell his girlfriend. You can tell her now and she will be angry with you (for good reason) OR you can wait until they breakup and tell her then and she will be mad at you for not telling that he cheats on her (probably with more than you)
Problem #2,,,,If you cannot make responsible decisions and fall into the moment when drinking, YOU NEED TO STOP!
Having the maturity to drink means having the maturity to handle yourself while drinking.
Either way you are completely responsible for sleeping with another girl's boyfriend. He couldn't have done it by himself. Chances are that in the others that were "sleeping". Someone knows what you did and secrets like that are often too fun to tell about.
2007-12-16 05:23:03 · answer #4 · answered by Susan M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its not your place to tell her. i think you have already done enough to skrew up their relationship. now its time for you to stay out of it. if he choses to tell her and she stays with him for whatever reason, be thankful apoligize if she brings it up and never mention it again. grovel if necessiary if you share the same circle of friends. if they break up over it keep your head low as much as possible, but if she says anything to you, take full responsibility and dont try to justify anything, you only make it worse. if someone asks just say you are embarassed it ever happened but other than that just keep your mouth (and your legs) shut.
i know it took two people to get into this situation, and he is as much at fault as you are, but pusing the blame on him wont help, and if he is as good a person as you make it seem he will come clean without your help. to be honest tho- they probably would have ended up breaking up anyway. cheating isnt the problem its just a symptom of a bigger problem...
2007-12-16 05:17:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't have done it in the first place, to me, I think alcohol is no excuse for "accidentally" having sex with someone, but since you already DID do it, I think you and "Bobby" should approach "Jane" together, and let her know what went down.
2007-12-16 05:13:19 · answer #6 · answered by imawierdy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to Bobby and tell him that it's a mistake that you slept with him and it was nothing and you were drunk, but your feeling guilt over this and want to take it back.
Should we tell Jane?
Tell him that.
I think Jane would hate you if you tell her.
What you don't know can't hurt you!
2007-12-16 05:12:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell Hime To Tell Her. Or Tell Her Yourself.
Yuo really shouldn't oflet this happen. You may lose friends over this. just explain the situation to his girlfriend. She may understand. She may not. But you have to be honest. && surelyif he is ready to cheat. He isn't good enough for her?
2007-12-16 05:11:01 · answer #8 · answered by Meggie. ^.^ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well you and him made an equal mistake and you need to tell her and she might hate you or not but at least you told her and apologized, and try not to do it again because that ruins alot of relationships and friendships, you have to pay for the mistake you can't have your cake and eat it too!
2007-12-16 05:14:37 · answer #9 · answered by lil_b 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It seems fair that she knows her man is a slut who can't be trusted. esp. if she is sweet, why should she go on living in a lie?
You had it in you to let him prove that.
Do you have it in you let her know that?
Unless you teased and led him on, the fact that he was up your shirt establishes his untrustworthiness, if it wasn't with you, it would have been (and probly has been) someone else.
2007-12-16 05:19:36 · answer #10 · answered by billypea 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋