pregnant by a married man. Any good people to give advice and no judgment?

Question

I found myself having an affair with a married man. He as 2 young daughters. He was always complaining about his marriage but stayed in it for his children.
I recently found out that I was pregnant and that he was the father.
He is begging me to get an abortion, because his daughters would never respect him if he had another child with someone else. He says he doesn't care so much for his wife, that his worry is mainly his daughters.
I am against abortion, and can not see myself having one. But the situation is far from ideal.
I need some people to give me advice, i don't need to be judged, i know i sinned and i don't need to be reminded. This won't help at all, I just need advice.
My heart leads me to want to keep this child, but I feel like it would affect so many people's lives, including my child. I just can't think straight. I want to keep it but I don't know if it's the best option for me and the child. Also, should take the father and his family into consideration?
thanks

Answer 1

I won't judge you. You're not the first women this has happened to and unfortunately you won't be the last. The guy who got you pregnant however is a selfish #%$ hole.He wants you to have an abortion so his wife won't find out, and he doesn't want to pay child support. If he gave a damn about his kids he wouldn't have been having an affair with you.I bet his wife would be surprised to find out her marrage wasn't a good one.( then again maybe not.)
Get a lawer, have the baby, and make that SOB pay his share of the expenses.

Good luck and God bless.

Answer 2

the father made a bigger mistake, but you shouldn't think of him, he is a very selfish man , if he didn't want you pregnant why have an affair in the first place? why stay with a wife "he doesn't like so much?"
isay think of what is in your and the baby's best interest
btw yes you have sinned and where i come from we only go on unsupervised dates after marriage
as a person who wants to help you i say either force him to pay for the baby by going to court if you want to keep the baby or opt for adoption if you cannot be a single mother.
now get a stable job, a higher education , then find a decent guy to marry who will help you raise the child
i think that if you had an abortion or gave up your baby you will regret it for the rest of your life esp if you have the means to be a mother and provide whatever the baby needs.
don't even think of the father , just because he is the child's biological parent , it doesn't mean that he has a say in it now. he only wants to get rid of the responsiblity and look like a good husband to continue fooling his wife and kids . he wants to have a family amd a mistress at the same time and he has no plans on having a real commitment with you.
end it now and then decide what you want to do about the baby and move on with your life.

Answer 3

if your heart tells you to keep the child - then you should!
even if it doesn't - there are many options available other than death of a beautiful child! adoption is a possiblity if you aren't ready for the responsibilty.
you said that the baby would affect those around you -
no matter how these people think of you it is important to realize if you abort the child it will affect the baby's life in a worse way. they will never experience life and it's joys. nothing, not the father, the daughters, or anyone should influence you to end a life. you made a mistake - you are sorry - the best way to make up for a sin such as that is to create happiness for a family looking to adopt.

if your heart is telling you to keep the child, and you abort it, there is a good chance you will regret it later. there is no turning back.

please have the baby. if not for you - to another deserving person or couple.

Answer 4

Well.......if your heart is not into getting the abortion, you should have the baby and plan on him not being involved. I would not push him for involvement because he might be resentful anyway about you having the baby against his wishes. Furthermore, you should think about where this relationship is going. If you are going to continue seeing him then he has to be willing to be inclusive of you AND your child. He also has to be prepared for child support. Whether you want to go through the courts or not would be your decision, but he has some what of a responsibility to support this child in some way.

I can't imagine that you two would be able to keep this quiet with a child involved, but again, you have to decide if you want to keep seeing him then he has an obligation.
I hope this works out for you and I hope that you are able to get through this situation in the way that ends up best (as it can be) for your child.

Answer 5

Ifyou want this baby don't let him change your mind or make you feel bad about keeping the baby he made the decision to have the affair to so he needs to take the resposability of that no matter what his daughters might think if he thought about it they would probably disrespect him more for asking you to abort the pregnancy, maybe not right away but as they got older. But if you really don't think you can handle having this baby think about adoption. You would be making a couple the happiest people in the world by giving them a child. Hang in there there is always good things that could come out of this. good luck

Answer 6

You need to take you and your child into consideration - do what you feel is right in your heart. Does he have any intention to leave her - ever? If not, you will be on your own anyway so his opinion shouldn't matter.
You say he wants you to abort because his daughters would never respect him if he had another child with someone else....would they respect him if he had an affair? They would probably enjoy another sibling if the two of you ended up staying together. It's sh***y to use them as an excuse.
Staying in a marriage for the kids is crazy in my opinion as both parents and children deserve to live happily - even if it isn't 'ever after' as his situation would be with his current wife.
If you're against abortion, don't get one just because he instructs you to do so. It's your life...


A_BAB - She asked for NO judging - it takes two anyway...

Answer 7

Okay, so it is your body and he cannot tell you what to do with it! It is your decision so you have to decide what you want to do. This is a very hard situation, but the question is, can you live with having an abortion? Weigh out the options, that is all you can do. This will probably destroy his family if you keep it, but he is not happy anyways! Are you in love with this man is another question, or is it just a fling? He is not happy with his wife so therefore he should not stay with her, I hate when people do this "for the kids." It is only making things worse. Life is short, don't stay together if you are not in love anymore, you know? But you make the call hunny, I am so sorry you have to go through this I know it can be very hard! Keep your head up and talk to someone about it...

Answer 8

He should be a man enough now to stand up and take care of the problem not remove it. This innocent baby that's inside you didn't bring the problem, you guys did, and you should take the responsibility to bring this child into the world and be parents, if he doesn't want to, well too bad you can make him pay child support. I have saved a lot of babies from being aborted and to look at the mothers face now, the girls are so thankful to me for talking them out of this and it puts a smile on my face to see that baby being born, you have no idea how awfull u'd feel, every year u'd be thinking around that time it was supposed to be born that it could've been that childs birthday.
I'm not the one to judge u, u're right! But u guys should really think about this, and talk it over 100 times before making the decision before it's too late, because once u do abort it, u will feel such guilt, u have no idea. And as far as the 'father' of this baby he doesn't love u, because if he did he'd want to have something beautiful with u and to share such joy with u. Sorry for writing so much, but as far as the subject of abortion goes this is only how I feel, I'm nobody to tell u what to do it's none of my business but I'm just trying for u to think over stuff, please! U can email me if u want, or email me when u make the right decision, please. Happy Holidays!

Answer 9

You are a good person. You made a bad choice. It's a tough road, but you are leaning towards keeping him/her. A good person like you can do it, but you will need help of some kind. Are you financially straight? Can you handle the extra work load? If so, Keep the baby! They may be the cure the world needs. You will never know until they grow! I am certainly not against abortion although I am pro-life for myself.

Either way, the road will be tough. Any choice YOU make will be the right one. You must be stressed to the max. I wish I could give you a big hug!

Answer 10

I agree with mal777. It's not the babies fault, and you need to do what's best for the baby. If he cheated on his wife, then he would probably do it to you if he hasn't already. You also don't want to continue to hurt the woman he's married to.Granted he said he's not happy and stayed in it for the kids, but you don't know that. A lot of men say that to their mistress, but they have great marriages. It's a sickness. Get out of the situation and away from him. Do you believe what goes around comes around? How would you feel if your husband was seeing someone else much less got them pregnant. A lot of the mistakes we make in life are with lack of consideration for others. So now that you have admitted that you have sinned, don't keep doing it. Do the right thing. It may be hard at first, but you wil be happy you did it later.