My husband & I are having a disagreement. I say things to him & he doesn't answer or respond in anyway. I am uncertain of whether or not he even hears me, because he says nothing & does not acknowledge that I even spoke. It is upsetting to me because I was taught that you respond when you've been spoken to giving some response. He says there is no need to respond to anything that is not a question. I understand that a question requires an answer, but it is proper for someone to not in anyway acknowlege you when you talk to them? I'd think he is probably technically correct, but it is kind or considerate? Thanks for any help.
2007-12-16 01:52:18 · 20 answers · asked by memyselfi 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
It is rude and disrespectful not to acknowledge your statement/question... there is a minimum standard of courtesy we owe to all people, let alone a significant other, because we are civilized
2007-12-16 02:45:15 · answer #1 · answered by Richard C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people are more reticent than others. Has he always been like this? I have an Uncle that is very curt and to the point, most of his answers are "yes" or "no", and anything beyond that starts with a reluctant sigh. It wasn't always so though. I can remember a time when as a child I could'nt wait for Uncle Roy to come; to tell us stories, and jokes, and to play his guitar & sing, and to tell us of all the wonderful places he had traveled to, and of the things he had seen and done.
Then he married Aunt Trixie, she was pretty and such a talker too! Then Uncle Roy had a stroke, and had to learn how to speak again, which he did - but was slow to get going, and that is when Aunt Trixie usually steped in and answered for him, and then continued to prattle on about this, that, and the other; stopping only for a second to ask Uncle Roy to confirm what she was going on about, and then jumping right back into her monologue.
After a while Uncle Roy just quit speaking around Aunt Trixie all together, boy did that make her MAD!! Just for that she wanted to stick him in a nursing home! At 49 years old!! The Family held an intervention with both Aunt Trixie and Uncle Roy, and Uncle Roy admitted to being mentally and physically abused by Aunt Trixie, and wanted a Divorce. That was the last day they spent together, the divorce was final months later.
Granted I think it is good manners to respond to any one when they speak to you, in my mind that is just plain common courtesy. However, when there is some one who is doing it just to bait you or antagonize you - that's is another story. I wonder how many "Battered Women" got a "battering" because they knew which of their old man's buttons to push - and they kept on pushing them? I am not excusing the men who beat their wives, girlfriends, children, - or anyone; however I DO NOT HAVE ANY SYMPHATHY for those who bring it upon themselves.
I have at least three very dear friends who are extremely dangerous and powerful men, former special forces trained combat killers, still in excellent shape, and who all have hair- trigger tempers. Under the right circumstances, I've no doubt that I could bait anyone of them to a point, (push enough of their "buttons", where they could kill me with a single blow. Now as far as I am concerend, that would probably be justifiable homicide, - I mean what did I expect the outcome to be?
Remember there are times when trying to use "proper" and "good manners" as some kind of PC magic shield against rude or bad behaviour - especially on an situation that you have created, is a very silly and dangerous thing to do. I do not know how many times I have seen road rage incidents, where a young woman has gotten out of here car and gone back to the vehicle behind her to read the riot act to the driver behind her - most of the time a man. A man that could get out & beat the crap out of her, or bring out a knife or gun and kill her. What was she thinking?
2007-12-16 03:08:00 · answer #2 · answered by jtrall25 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are making a simple observation, then it is not necessary to respond. If you are asking a question, make sure it can easily be understood as a question.
Some people are talkers, others are not. Not everyone feels a need to talk in order to feel close or connected. I can enjoy another person company with out exchanging conversation. Perhaps this is difficult for you but it does not mean the other person is being rude.
2007-12-16 02:01:15 · answer #3 · answered by kvcar2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Basically you are correct that even an acknowledgement is appropriate.
Unfortunately your husband may be suffering already from a problem many have called "selective hearing". Unfortunately there is little know about how to cure this problem and it is the cause of many wives frustrations. It does allow the husbands to claim no knowledge of the item you are talking about as the selective hearing problem allowed them to not hear your prior statements, comments, etc.
(sorry I had to say that as it is so common a problem)
2007-12-16 02:05:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really don't even know if he heard, or you just want him to respond. It sounds a bit like a control issue, and you are fighting for control.
Does he often actually NOT hear you? If that isn't the problem, maybe you should let him be, and even give him a dose of the same. Whichever, if that is the only problem you two have, be thankful.
2007-12-16 02:30:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with other people. I believe that a person should always respond to a conversation to at least acknowledge that you've heard them. Whether you want to process what you heard is up to you. I've been guilty of doing that too, and it's a horrible feeling to give someone and yourself. Tell him to loosen up a little, this is childish behavior. If you want to be mad, let that person know you don't want to talk to them and then give him some space.
2007-12-16 02:08:33 · answer #6 · answered by Bee 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-01 22:32:46 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whether you are asking a question or just making a statement to him, it is rude of him to ignore your presence. That is a blatant statement that what you say or do doesn't matter to him. He wouldn't do that in the business world so he shouldn't be doing it to you. Tell him so and if he continues then do the same back to him and see how he likes it.
2007-12-16 03:03:12 · answer #8 · answered by dawnb 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think we should only answer or respond to questions only. Its like when you say hi or smile at someone especially to someone you know and how would you feel if that person didn't respond to you, upsetting right?..I do think that you should explain to your husband (in a good way :)). anyway, i envy your patience towards your hubby..gud luck my dear!
2007-12-16 02:09:26 · answer #9 · answered by a_bee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is bad etiquette not to answer. BUT there is an unwritten rule that states it's okay to nod, pat our knee, or say a generized "yup" or "uh,huh" during a football game, kickboxing event, or war movie. That's when us gals can say,"I'm going shopping and maxing out the credit card. Is that alright?" Record it on your phone just so you can play it back later his response...and you will have to play it back! ha.
2007-12-16 02:16:45 · answer #10 · answered by zen 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋