My fiance came to Japan to propose to me. He was so angry when I asked to wait till I really think about it, he thought that was the end. I had accepted it after that.
But after 4 months, I start to think again, maybe having cold feet, because I will be moving to different country, loosing jobs, not going to speak my language, and finance reasons. I've shared my worries with him, and he was always so upset, and asked me to give him answers in a week...I got really scared. I felt he couldn't think in my position at all. I needed to know that he would still love me with true love, and would wait for me until I could really be sure that I want to be with him.
Last week I flew to Paris for 4 days just to talk with him. I had a great time, but he said now or never. I told him again, that I would need time. He said "I've fought with you too much, this is over."
I don't want to loose him, and I've told him that I would move in April...or should I just leave him? I still love him to bits.
2007-12-16 01:03:20 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
He has made it clear that he cant wait. It is probably because he knows that all the reasons you listed, will not change no matter how much time goes by. If you are not keen on moving to another country or challenging your career in another country, etc. now, you will never be ready. You either want it or you dont. It sounds like you dont, even though you love him.
International marriages work when each party would be willing to live in the others country. Circumstances change in the course of a marriage. You both need to be ready to move if needed. It sounds like you dont want to move, and neither does he. This is not going to make a happy marriage for the rest of your lives.
I think you should move on, and so should he.
2007-12-16 02:35:36 · answer #1 · answered by fizzy stuff 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he truly means now or never, then let it be never. If he truly loved you, he would take all the time you need to make that decision. Do not say yes until you know without a doubt that that is what you want to do. If you do go ahead and marry him with the uncertainty that you have, then you will regret it later, and it will likely lead to divorce and resentment toward him. DO NOT do it until you are completely ready. Tell him that you are not sure about that bc of it being such a huge step, and it is something that is a really huge life changing event for you, and you want it to be perfect. Tell him that he is not understanding or respecting your feelings, and he is trying to push you into doing this by trying to push the fear into you of him leaving you forever. Let him know how much you love him, but you need his support and understanding in this. If he cannot wait for you, then he does not truly love you as he should. If he truly and completely loves you, then he would wait for you for as long as you need him to. If he will leave you over this, then you are better off without him. He is controlling in that aspect, and immature due to the fact that he is trying to make you afraid of losing him only to get what you want. A relationship takes two, and both have to give a little. It cannot be his way or no way. I guarantee that you will regret it if you give in to him and do this. It is a life changing event, and it will drastically change your life forever. If you have the slightest doubt, then do not do it. It will be one of the worst mistakes of your life if you do. Let him go if that means more to him than the love the two of you share and have for each other.
2007-12-16 01:16:55 · answer #2 · answered by Angelic Valentine 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As much as you may love him you need to listen to what you are telling yourself... you need more time for a reason. If he didn't push so much maybe you could make a decision with a clear mind. He isn't very understanding. It sounds like he really loves you but is being possessive and pushy about it to get you to marry him. However, if he really did love you then he could wait for you. It's unreasonable to ask him to wait for years, but you're just asking for a few months. It's harder to make this relationship work because of the long distance between you and the differences in culture. If things are rough now then it probably won't get much better. It sounds like this relationship is over and you both need to start fresh and go your separate ways.
2007-12-16 01:14:18 · answer #3 · answered by Rockit 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but this isn't about him being impatient like most others are saying. It is about you not wanting to commit to him even though you are saying you are in love.
You either want to marry him and do what it takes to be together, or you don't. And seeing as you couldn't give a definitive answer straight away, then you clearly don't want to do it.
Like he says, "I've fought with you too much", he should not have to keep on at you for an answer, or beg you to marry him, you should want to do it and not have to spend so long thinking about it.
To be honest, you should forget about him, and leave him to find someone who DOES want to spend their life with him, instead of making him wait around until you decide it's what you want. You can't keep him hanging on for you, if you can't see your future together as getting married, moving to be with him and coping with all the obstacles that will bring, then you shouldn't be together.
Let both him and you move on.
2007-12-17 00:14:38 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't be that into him, if you need a year to decide to marry him. Let him go, so he can find someone who wants what he wants. You guys aren't on the same page and loving him isn't enough to keep a relationship going. Stay in your country and find a nice guy who wants what you want. There's something really romantic about a long distance relationship in Paris but it's not realistic and you can't live on romance. Reality will soon intrude and you'll be lonely and miserable in a foreign country.
2007-12-16 03:56:35 · answer #5 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He surely isn't a very understanding man. He seems uncaring to what you're going through. He is asking ALOT of you--way more than in a more typical relationship, and when you express your concerns, he got angry? That is an inappropriate response, IMO. I'd be worried more about that than anything else. I wouldn't leave my home country for anyone, most likely.
2007-12-16 01:26:27 · answer #6 · answered by melouofs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be very careful. Any man that is that impatient and can't wait for you to decide such a big decision isn't worth it. There are way too many risks like an abusive marriage, etc. Even though you love him, it doesn't sound like he really loves you. I would walk away and don't look back.
2007-12-16 09:59:35 · answer #7 · answered by mynxr 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he loved you he'd appreciate your concerns and give you the time to work things through... He's expecting you to make a lot of sacrifices and compromise.....
He's being very selfish....and If he can't appreciate that you're concerned about the situations ahead..and still trying to rush you.
Call his bluff.....If he loves you he'll realise that he is being pushy and maybe sit down and work things out with you rather that pushing you to make a decision on your own.
2007-12-16 01:14:39 · answer #8 · answered by audrey_o 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
whats the use of saying yes when your not sure about it,getting engage is not an easy thing it a step closer to marriage,and if your not sure about all that,its like you are torturing yourself,take your time,when worse come to worse,I think its better for you to loose him when your not sure about getting engage than loosing him after saying yes and end up loosing him after being engage,do not be pressured,live life as you want to,do not allow anything to go on your way,its your life be your own master
2007-12-16 01:48:37 · answer #9 · answered by Lionel M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As much as you love him, this man doesn't seem very patient or understanding. Go with your heart and if that doesn't work, then you won't make the same mistake again. Talk to him, and make sure you talk and he listens not the other way around. Good luck.
2007-12-16 01:07:04 · answer #10 · answered by neeky123 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋