I always nurture men too much then they leave for somebody else?

Question

I am attracted to men who always need me around emotionally, financially. I try to give them everything they want then later on they leave me. sometime they don't return my calls or call me stupid B.... I don't like to be single i need one guy who i can be friends with and share everything with. why can't I be happy. I get jealous when i see cute couple because i don't how it feels like to be in somebody's arms and be happy. I pray everyday to find Mr Right but i always come accross Mr. wrong. Am i suppose to stay singl;e for the rest of my life?

Answer 1

I feel the same way concerning women I've been with. I'm always the loving, giving, perfect boyfriend but they then take off after draining me and giving little back. I wish I could find someone like you, then I'd have a relationship which was being built upon by both people giving to it, instead of being used for the satisfaction of only one person in it.

And it isn't as though I look for women who need or want a guy to make things better for them. The relationships usually start off where both of us are contributing to it, but then quickly becomes one where it's just me doing it. So I'm not looking for women to take care of. In fact, I want one who can take care of herself but wants to have me in her life as well. But they all seem so ready to give that up and take from me when the opportunity presents itself.

Answer 2

No, but you have to stop playing the role of mother and constant caregiver. When you say the men "need you around emotionally and financially," it seems you are allowing yourself to be used. Unless you're in a very established relationship, money should not be a part of this. I think you really do need to allow yourself the freedom, the time, and even the pleasure of being single to find out why you want to give even the time of day to any loser who would treat you the way you've described. You're wonderfully and uniquely made. What is it that has make you feel willing to accept guys with no manners and little feelings? Why would you want to continue a relationship with a guy like this? Mr. Right won't come along until you do the work that makes you Miss Right. I think that starts my putting your self respect back in place, putting your money in the bank not some loser's pocket, not being available to these guys, and just hang out with friends. Take some walks, do some reading. Picture yourself as a strong, sweet, confident young woman, and you'll start to project it. You won't be single long, but don't settle for the first guy who asked you out. Be selective; remember, you deserve it.

Answer 3

Rule number one: you should NEVER nurture anybody too much. It is not just the guys, i bet you are the same way towards everybody else. The thing is, when we give more than we have, we end up feeling empty and worthless. Many people are like that. They are overly helpful towards relatives, do too much at work, can't discipline their children and before long, there is nothing left but the feeling that they have been taken advantage of. And the sad truth is, they really haven't. It is normal for people in need to take whatever they can get. And being helpful is good just as long as you don't cross your boundaries.

Don't fix things by going to the opposite extremes. I know people who have been where you are and instead of working with their issues they are now suspicious of everybody, keep people at an arms length and don't help out unless it's "quid pro quo." do not do that, you will only hurt yourself more in the long run.

Your best option is therapy. Be serious about working with this issue and before long, you will be a happy person in a happy relationship. I promise.

Answer 4

I just think that you are looking at this situation at a emotional point of view. instead you have to look at this logically and as an outsider. hell, lock yourself in your room or go some where else to think for a while. Don't make any rash choices. it seems like you have already set apart the pros from the cons which is good. i would not say break up with her immediately, but give it time, talk to her about it, suggest counseling for the both of you together. if she believes in mental disorders than she should have somewhat faith in shrinks. you might not on the other hand. its always good to have an outsiders point of view but take what ever any one says as a grain of salt. in the end the only person who has say on what needs to be done or what is best, is you. find something to get her mind off of everything. go on a trip with just the two of you. no cell phones, no computers, just the two of you. just talk. talk about memories of when you first got together, help her to realize why it was that you two got together in the first place. hopefully by doing this she will realize how lucky she is to have someone who cares. on top of that it should inspire her to change some of her actions. hopefully making her a better person as well as strengthening your relationship.

Answer 5

Don't give up...Someday you'll find a man that appreciates your nurturing. I'm the same way you are and had the same thing happen. I always thought the same thing, that it always seems like the bitches have all the nice guys. You don't have to be nasty to have a nice guy, mind you, don't be a door mat either. If you are mistreated stand up for yourself, but you can still be a nurturing partner. That's probably just they way you were raised. Good luck

Answer 6

You just have not found the right partner as yet! perhaps you are trying to hard, try relaxing a little and for sure "Mr Right "will turn up when you least expect! Best of wishes and stay calm.

Answer 7

Insanity is doing something the same way everytime but expecting a different outcome. Maybe you need something a bit different. Food for thought, anyway...

Answer 8

i hope you wont be offended with this...

i think its your mistake to give all what you have for a guy. its good for your sight but it really is not...boys they get bored with girls who gives them everything surely later they will leave you...i have proven this. i think i have 4 friends who experienced that. they gave all but their ex bf's left them and found somebody else. i know all you did was just to please them or love them to the fullest and do everything what you can for them. but as everybody knows, everything too much is always not good.

Answer 9

You're looking to fix a guy and hope that he is grateful because you have low self-esteem and don't think you deserve someone who doesn't need fixing.

Work on your self-esteem and it will follow that you will seek better men.

Answer 10

Dont tell this story to the other one u get and use the past experience to make him stay.