caught my daughter during sex?

Question

I would like to start off by saying that my family is strictly Christian which believes in no sex before marrige.

Last night I walked in on my 14 year old daughter having sex with two other older boys I have never seen before. As soon as I opened the door I saw them and smelled marijuana and seen bottles of alcohol. I kicked the boys out, and the next morning I spoke to my minister and he wasn't very helpful. I tried to talk to her and she slapped me and said "I'm bad, I'll do what I want" and she swears at me. She doesn't respond to any discipline and if I punish her she goes out all night, and comes home in the morning with a hangover. I threatened to send her to a Religious healing camp, and I have gotten death threats from men I don't know.
What in Gods name can I do?

Answer 1

Obviously, your family DOESN'T believe in what you THINK they believe in. Forbidding something usually makes it more attractive.

If a parent had been home parenting, perhaps she wouldn't have had the opportunity to do sex, drugs, and drinking simultaneously. What do you think she's been doing on the nights when she stays out and doesn't come home until morning with a hangover - playing Scrabble?

Since you said this happened "last night", why did you say you talked to your minister about it "the next morning"? Wouldn't that have been THIS morning?

Call Child Protective Services and ask them to find her a good parent.

Answer 2

Your child don't need as much help as you do! First off this activity did not just happen over night! Things led up to it. You are the one that molds your offspring, and if you think "I did nothing to allow her to do what she is doing" your wrong! If you were in control of her activities and given her a set structure to follow she would never had been able to fall to the dark side.

Most families don't have a good let along great structure. But as the parent you have to see signs and act apon them! YOU WALKED IN ON THEM HAVING SEX! AND YOU SIMPLY KICKED THE BOYS OUT, SEEMS YOUR CRAZY (SORRY IF THAT HURTS) You should have called 911 and grabbed a camera. All involved with the alcohol and drug usage should have been charged! You should have had trespass warnings and restraining orders issued against the boys. And you should schelduel a OBGYN anointment ASAP!

As for the threats you receive You need a note book made up. In this book on the top wright the date and time fo the threat. How the threat was delivered (phone, face to face, letter, ect) In any way the threat is delivered do not loose your composure, this is the first form of aceaving dominance over you if they can get you to come apart. Instead gather information, engage in conversation, ask stupid questions about nothing related to the situation then a few about them and your daughter. As soon as the altercation is done write all the details in the log book. ALL ACTIONS YOURS AND THEIRS. Documentation is key to being able to show the courts a real threat exist.

Back to your daughter! Strip her Identity! Take her and get her hair cut the way you want it! Take all her clothing and donate it! Take all possessions and donate or store away, but leave nothing in the room except a bed and dresser! For clothing purchase Sweet pants and shirts, they are very plane no logos on them and make sure they are not form fitting. Undies try and get 100% cotton cumffy panties and try and get the ones labeled with the days of the week. Bra's get the approprate size no padding, no under wire, just a plane color. Structure her time and be there for it! Wake up time, time to goto school, (School Admin should be aware of the rebelishness of her and report to you anything questionable and act apon anything not accectiple). When she arrives home she should be doing school work and then find her an activity to pertisipate in (sports, fitness, volunteering) Even look for training programs that she could do at home to give her a head start on a career. Then a set bed time. No Phone, unsupervised computer, or ability to go outside unescorted. YOU HAVE TO GAIN CONTROLE AND RESPECT! You are the adult and there for responsible to your child!

The school of hard LOVE is positive, kids will be kids and try you to see how far they can push you. They loose sight of right and wrong. They will either correct themselves or cross the line. If the correct themselves we reward them with praise. If the cross the line we do not support them! (If sent to juvi jail, we do not hold their hand and say every thing will be ok, we don't bail them out with money, let them serve time now to curve the attitude that nothing will happen if I do wrong. If and when the judge ask for a plea, the plea of guilty should come from your child's moth if the indeed did whet they are accused of. Taking responsibility for their actions must be what you preach all the time!!!!!!

Hope you and your faith can help you find the strength to control you girl and get her to be a person that will live a productive life.

Answer 3

Lock down. She is 14, she can only do what u let her.
If she leaves the house, call the cops. Keep her at home. She needs to understand that until she can follow the rules of the house she doesnt get priveledges like leaving. Also, take away other privledges. TV, Cell Phone, Internet. These are all things u control.

Thats not to say go and drop this on her now but use them when its necessary. U need to get serious about discipline. She will throw a huge fit but she has some lessons to learn that only u can teach her.

Keep her away from her friends too. Its the people she hangs out with that influence her behavior.

Also, try to leave god out of it for a while. Not because i think its a bad thing, but because she wont take u seriously if thats ur reasoning. Just tell her its because u say so.

Answer 4

Sex has no relation with religion and spritualioty, either christian or buddhist or any religion. The sex is the desire of body or the human flesh when anyone could feel the feelings of satisfaction. I b elieve your daughter has shaped to addiction through the bad influence of addicted guys in your community.

The best solution to your problem is to report them to the police authorities. Tell the police of what you have found out. Do not be afraid with the threats which you are receiving. The police authorities will be r4esponsible for the situation. Before its too late, go ahgead , report the matter.

Answer 5

Sorry to say, although you need to send her to a summer camp for troubled teens, or if that does not work, there are schools for troubled teens, the programs run for a year. Don't send her to a boot camp or survival camp. Search the internet, do some research, there are many teenage camps for this. Do this without her knowledge as she will probably run away if she knows you are going through with the threat. Or if you have a relative in another different state that you can trust, send her to school there, but do get her out of that environment, otherwise, it will only get worse. God Bless!

Answer 6

I'm 20 and to be straight...If I ever slapped one of my parents I might find myself getting up off the floor. With that said, the traditional thing to do is beat some butts...but it isn't always the best things to do. If she had the gall to slap you... satan may have a foothold in her life and she is under attack. Anger will only beget anger and I forget this most of the time. I still get angry at my dad, but the times where I could have hit him for no reason, were same times I serious believe I was yielding to the demons that were oppressing me. How did they gain the power to oppress me in the first place??? Sin. It gives them legal ground in our lives. There isn't a set way to fix things, and right now she needs prayer for deliverance. I have an older brother who seems to be throwing away his life, and right now the only thing I know how to do is pray. Another thing that may help would be a mentor. Not a self righteous, corny, bible thumping, legalistic mentor...I mean a selfless, patient, loving, spirit filled, servant leader kind of mentor. A junior or Senior in Highschool is a good start for her.... she is going to war against you. That is part of the curse. God told Adam to cultivate the land, and it will have thorns. It represents the Gospel (how we war against God) and your everyday life as a parent (how children war against the very person that desires to cultivate them). All of this is easier said than done...and may seem cliche since most still see me as a kid, but if all else fails prayer is always the right answer. I'll be praying for you...and her. I'm not just saying that.

Answer 7

Its said in your Bible that all children are Rebels/rebellions..all of them or most as they explore their human make up....If you don't eat you will die fact if you don't drink you will die fact and if you don't mate you will die...Its call instincts the traits we have instill in all of us are we as adults so diffrent?...your father/mother/G-d all three of us.
In the christian up bringing all forms of sex is a sin, yet Jesus also said that i came to up hold the Laws of Moses....Well let's see if that is true then if she took the laws of Moses and call her Rabbi and said i want to have sex with this person and the Rabbi said ok you have the blessing in accordance with Jewish Law which Jesus preach and gave the blessing....what sin did she violate? She got the blessing's and that was allowed before Jesus came to the what we call the "CHRISTIANS'....maybe you should have consulted the Jewish rabbi and allow her to do so if she gonna do it and have the blessing of the G-d of Israel or aka "THE BLESS ONE BE HE" as for the drugs and alcohol that's another issue , but by all means take her to a rabbi and explain and have a meeting and take it from there.......and give a chance to become a Jewish woman and take it from there....

Answer 8

to be sarcastic I would say put a Chastity belt on her and send her to a convent.

I know this is not the answer you want but first of all I would get the information on the older boys and bring them up on charges of having sex with a minor and contributing to the delinquency of a minor by furnishing her drugs and alcohol. You restrict her activities out of school as much as possible until she earns them back. If she continues to sneak out at night and come home drunk take he to the local police department and have them put her in a cell with other drunks for a few hours. Hopefully this will straighten her out.

Answer 9

She slapped you. Man that is not good. If my daughter slapped me I would have no hasitation to put the little b i t c h in a girls home. She should not get away with this. What you should do is take her to court and get them to put her in a girls home.

Answer 10

If you are truly a Christian its simple. Not under my roof! If she slaps you she should be told next time she will be charged with assult. (tough love)

If the behavior continues have her evaluated mentally and if necessary have her placed in a foster home.

I would also be paying the boys' parents a little visit! I would be very angry as I am sure you are, but she is trying to get your attention!

Family counseling is an option.