Parents: Would you say my mom is too lenient with me? I would like a lot of answers.?

Question

Im a girl and Im 18 years old and a senior in HS.

I have a cell phone.
I have a tv and a laptop in my room with no restrictions. No blocks on the tv and my mom doesn't have programs that record what I do on my computer.
I don't have a "bedtime".
I don't really have a curfew, it just depends on who I am with and where I am as to how late I can be out.
I can date.
I have a 23 year old friend who works in radio, she knows him and Im allowed to hang out with him where ever and have even been over to his place twice.
She doesn't really regulate what I wear but I don't give her reason to.
I have a Myspace and a Facebook. IM and email.
I don't have a car though all though I do have friends who drive.

Would you say my mom is too lenient with me and lets me do too much?

Im content with the way things are, Im just looking for opinions, now read carefully OPINIONS, not LECTURES.

Clint: We aren't religious and she has met him. She even got him an x-mas present.

Edwina R: The rents' are divorced and have been since I was 2. And the 23 year old is a Dj at my fav station and I started talking to him one night and then finally met him and we became good friends.

Bonsylar: IM STILL A STUDENT IN HIGHSCHOOL!!!!!!

How could I work during the day if im suppose to be in class?

Oh and Bonslryauwet whatever you are:

The first year I will be going to community college and will still be living at home, since I won't be finiancially stable to not. My mom has said she won't charge me rent or anything that first year but the last 3 years of college when I go to a university if i don't dorm or get an apt and stay at home she will charge me.

Also not all parents think that they should charge their kids rent past a certain age or once they are out of HS, so their parents may not see their children as bums.

Answer 1

Somebody above me called you a bum. You're not a bum. As long as you're acting toward bettering your future, you're not a bum, specially at 18. Now if you were 30 and still haven't changed much, you would be a bum, but not at 18.

I'm surprised at some of the answers here. Quite harsh. The idea that somebody should immediately "switch over" to being more "adult" at the age of 18 is preposterous to me.

As for my opinion on your situation, your mom is pretty cool, with respect to the cell phone, laptop, etc., if she paid for these items.

Answer 2

Sounds like you have it pretty good, because it sounds like your mom trusts you and that you have never given her reason not too. So i would say that it is not so much as her being too lenient, it is the fact that you have earned the right for the privileges you now enjoy, don't screw it up and think you are allowed to do whatever you want whenever you want, because you just might find yourself with only the privileges allowed are the right to eat, sleep and continue breathing. This may sound kinda like a lecture, but it is not, as i was in pretty much the same situation when i was your age, and i did screw up a few times, and each time, it took me a long time to earn back those privileges, and it sounds like you have your head screwed on straight in the first place, and it also sounds like you have a mom who is one hell of a parent. Count yourself one of the lucky ones, because most kids almost demand the things you have, and most do not deserve it, since they think it is their right, but you just naturally grew into it, and this also tells me that you should go quite far in whatever direction you choose your life to go.

Answer 3

As many people have already said, you're 18--a legal adult. Therefore, you have the legal right to do as you please.
It definitely sounds as though you've been raised to be a responsible, respectful person--for example, you've said that you don't dress objectionably, and as for the other areas of your life/question, it sounds like you have those under control as well. I'd say that your mom has raised you within a trusting relationship, and because of that, you've grown to be a trustworthy, dignified person.
The one thing that I do wonder about, however, is the degree to which you're "pulling your own weight" (just considering the amount of tech stuff etc. you have)--because although you're a legal adult who can legally do whatever she chooses, you're also still living under your mom's roof, so I wonder if there needs to be more "give" on your part (i.e. do you contribute to the household/buy your own things with a part-time job?). Please don't take this as a lecture :-) I'm just wondering if your mom's being too lenient in regards to giving you too many material things (but as I've stated, I think she's done really well to raise a daughter who can be responsible for her own actions in her social and personal life).

Answer 4

You've described what your mother allows you, but you haven't described anything about your level of maturity. Some people can handle no restrictions, but others really REALLY need them to be in place to stay on the right track. As I child, I thrived much much better on having restrictions in place, partly because I knew I was better off with them than without them. (Even as an adult, I thrive much better with structure.) However, I've also seen kids who are way too overly restricted by their parents. I think it matters most, as I said, based on the maturity of the child. For example:

Although you don't have a bedtime, do you still get a proper amount of sleep for yourself, or do you find yourself physically drained due to lack of sleep on a frequent basis?

Do you have certain responsibilities at home that your parent(s) expect of you? (You only mentioned your mom. Should I assume your dad is not in the picture? WAIT, you mentioned they were divorced.) Do you consistently meet those responsibilities?

What is your communication level with your parents (both of them, even though you are not probably in consistent contact with your dad)? If you were REALLY in trouble with something, would you feel confident enough to call them for help? If not, do you have a backup plan in place for who you would call, and can you be sure that that person would necessarily be able to come to your aid if you needed them to?

How street smart are you? Myspace (and any other social networking site, for that matter) can be wonderful tools, but to use them safely, you (and anybody else for that matter) need to be aware of the potential risks of both online and online-to-in-person interactions. Once something gets "out" online, you can't exactly take it back very easily. I've read that some people are being denied job opportunities based upon what has been written by themselves online in such places.

Your friends who drive, are they safe responsible drivers? If you had kids of your own, would you let them be passengers in your friends' cars? Would you be able to refuse to be a passenger in their cars if you thought the situation had the potential to be unsafe (say, if they wanted to drive home drunk, for example)?

Thats a lot of questions from me, but I can't assess your mom being lenient with you or not without knowing a bit more about you. If you are up to the task, I see no reason why your mom should not be lenient with you. However, if you think maybe you need a little more structure in your life, you'll want to probably talk that over with your mother.

Answer 5

I am not a parent, but mine were (still are) fantastic.

Technically, since you are eighteen, she has no say over what you do anymore (if you are in the U.S.). All she can do is kick you out of the house if you don't follow her rules.

That said, I think whether she is too lenient or not depends on how you behave yourself. When I was your age, I had only three rules:

Let us know where you're going and when you'll be back.
Call us when your plans change.
DO NOT call us to bail you out of jail.

I had no bedtime.
I had no curfew.
They didn't require me to introduce them to my friends.
They didn't check my homework.
They didn't even check my report cards.

I was a straight A student (all honors courses).
I didn't smoke, drink, do drugs, sleep around.
I didn't get in troble in school.
I usually did my chores (dishes, laundry, vaccuuming, taking out the trash).
I was active in my church youth group and in several school clubs.
The only time I ever had a run-in with the police was when I was asked by a store detective to call the cops when he was following a suspect who had left the store at the local shopping plaza.

In short, they respected me and trusted me to make good decisions, and I respected them by never betraying their trust.

If that is how things are at your house, then no, your mom is not too lenient. If on the other hand you are a mouthy, obnoxious, promiscuous spoiled brat who is barely making the effort to slide by in school (and I am NOT implying that you are), then she needs to take your toys away and ground you.

Answer 6

Are you responsible? Are you doing anything that would hamper her trust in you? I mean, as long as you aren't doing drugs, getting knocked up or looking at porn until all ]hours of the night so much that your grades suffer, then obviously, her leniency isn't an issue. If you are doing those things, well, she probably ought to crack down on you!

But seriously, you're an adult. She can't really say that much to you about any of that stuff. She could probably tell you not to smoke crack or have sex under her roof, but what you choose to do with yourself is up to you.

It's great that your mom trusts you enough that she can let you do your thing with minimal interference. I have that with my dad, and I'm just a year older than you. Don't lose that, it's the key to being happy with your mom with the least angst. ^_^

Answer 7

Hmm..I'm going to go with too lenient..on some things. It sounds like you have proven yourself to be pretty responsible for her to allow you to do these things so maybe she just trusts you to make the right decisions. I'm not a parent though. If I were a parent I'd be a little weary of the 23 yr old guy. Id definitely want to meet him..instill the fear of God in him and all that. The curfew thing is really showing her trust in you. I wouldn't go messing that one up. I think you know she is pretty lenient with you or else you wouldn't have asked.

Answer 8

No, If you don't give her a reason to not trust you. At 18 you almost grown. But I have one question what is a 23 yrold doing hanging around you? It sounds like your mom is trying to be more of your friend than your mom. An where is your dad?

Answer 9

I'm 14 (yes, I know I'm not a parent) and have all the same privelages. Meaning, she is not being too lenient, she just wants you to be your own person, because since you are a senior, you will be moving away soon and having your own life and she can't regulate that, so she wants you to be prepared and to learn to make the right decisions.

Answer 10

Well you are 18, you are an adult, so basically you are entitled to do whatever you want. So no, I don't think she's too lenient. She must trust you to be responsible and not get into trouble, I assume you've been a "good kid" while you were growing up or she might want to have more control over what you do.