i found something of my parents'.... what should i do!?!?

Question

my parents are married. ( in their 40's)
my dad has always been the forceful type, and she's a pushover and does WHATEVER he says. She knows me and my sister hate it, and we tell her to stand up for herself, but she never does. i was recently on my mom's labtop and i found a file of my dad's full of different picture files. of course i looked at them and i found some really disturbing pictures and i wish i wouldn't have looked.... keep in mind my dad WAS present for all of this.
-- there were numerous albums of my mom and two other older men fooling around and she even had sex with one of them. i naturally freaked out after i saw this but i can NEVER confront her about it... i guess im just wondering if this is normal and how i can handle this. i'm scared my dad forced her to do it and i guess thats what really bugs me, but any comforting or informative advice would be great! this is serious so please answer accordingly. THANKS!

Answer 1

ahhh that is a really difficult situation. WELL, if you don't feel like you can confront your mom about it (which seems perfectly reasonable haha), i would suggest just continuing to comfort her. tell her if there was anything that your dad did that she wasn't comfortable with, she can talk to you about it. make her feel like if she were to say something, she wouldn't be shut out. at the same time, your parents could be in to that kind of thing (as disturbing as we think it is) and it could have been completely voluntary. i hope that helped!

Answer 2

Oh my goodness - I can certainly understand why you'd be freaking out right now. I would be too! What did your dad say? I assume he KNOWS you saw the pics since you said he was present during all of it. So, if he knows....then don't you think he's told your mom that you saw them? Has she been acting strange around you?

There are 2 possible scenarios which led to those pics & you won't like either one:

1) It IS possible that your mom is into this type of thing. Believe me, it's always the quiet, shy type of women who end up being the freakiest and I don't mean to be disrespectful here but it's true. While I know it's hard for your to see your mother that way, she IS a sexual creature and she could be into that sort of thing. In which case, it's her business.

2) You could be right - he could be this domineering ****** who pressured her into doing those things. If that's the case, then I'm afraid your mom is in an emotionally abusive r'ship and you MUST talk to her about it. Once you find out if she felt forced or not, you can proceed from there. If she was forced, you need to encourage her to seek counseling. You aren't equipped to deal with the emotional consequences and you'll both need to seek therapy. If he's been pressuring her to do these things, he obviously has a much stronger hold on her than you ever imagined. She needs to know there is a CHOICE.....she needs to know that she doesn't need to stay with this creep for her kids. That's how alot of women rationalize staying with an abusive man. So, it will make her feel more free to leave if she has your support and blessing.

Either way, you just need to TALK TO HER. I know it will be a very hard conversation but it's the only way you'll ever know the truth.

Answer 3

I don't think she was forced into doing it, but i can understand how this can be disturbing- no one likes to see their parents fooling around...That being said, if you did bring it up to your mom she'd probably be just as embarrassed as you are disturbed- no parent wants their kid seeing that kind of thing. It may have been just a way for them to explore their sexuality and keep things fresh. They've probably been married for a long time and don't want things to get boring. While there are other ways of keeping things fresh in the bedroom (I won't go into details because you've witnessed enough) maybe this works for them. You're mother is an adult and there seems to be no infidelity involved if your father was there for it. Don't worry about it too much, unless you REALLY think her health is in danger and this. Trust me older couples can be freakier than college students on spring break, so it may have been just harmless fun. It was pretty irresponsible to have them uploaded on a computer that her daughter would be using, but I wouldn't worry too much. Just try and erase the image from you're head.

Answer 4

If the pictures disturb you find a trusting adult and talk about it. You parents are both adults. If they participate in open marriage or whatever it is between them. If it upsets, know that the decisions they make with their lives do not have to be decisions that you make.

It is creepy if your dad knows that you saw the pics. That is probably illegal. If this frighten in any way then tell the counselor at school. It is important to document anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.

peace,

Pam

Answer 5

I know this is very disturbing,but your parents are married adults that may be part of a group called SWINGERS...You must remember that every relationship has people with different attitudes & approaches to everything,& your Mom being a pushover is not uncommon,so accept their relationship as their PRIVATE business.If your Mom didn't want to be part of this lifestyle,she probably wouldn't be..Their life has to be private,& has to remain so....Keep this information to yourself & keep their life private,so that they are not exposed to local ridicule.This info would be very damaging to your family in the communities eyes....Try to accept their lifestyle as their choice,& be aware that many things go on behind closed doors,in other peoples homes...Your parents are not the only people that lead an alternate lifestyle....Seek counseling if you continue to feel disturbed about this...BOL

Answer 6

there is nothing you can do about your mother's sexual activities or encounters. she is an adult, and so being she needs to make her own choices... it seems she's chosen to remain married to your father. it's just a damn shame you had to see those pictures... i can not imagine how devistated you are...

your father is rather "sick" if he was there when you saw the pictures of your mom having sex? what is wrong with him? i'll never figure it out.

confronting your mother because she is doing what she wants to as an adult person, isn't the answer anyway. you can't tell your parents how to live.

this sort of activity is not normal for me, but may be for others? i suppose that i see it as wrong and demoralizing?

if you do not like the lifestyle, then live as you think is best...

i'm truly sorry for your situation. i'm sure it's causing you pain... sending hugs

Answer 7

Well, this may be something that your folks wanted to be kept secret. And, it is their business. I am sure that it upset you and amazed you also. Many married adults do have a sex life that is not what we would consider for people in this country. It has been going on for a long time, nothing is new. Your mom may not wish to dicuss this, whether or not she was a willing participant, and you might have to wait to find out what is going on. Better to remember that, no matter what, they are your parents and have raised you, just remember that love you have and rely on that.

Answer 8

Just leave them alone. Whatever it was, it's done. Leave your parents alone, if they didn't tell you in the first place, then you shouldn't know. Why did you look in the first place?

BUT...if you want to test them....Go up to your dad, and be like, "Hey dad can I use your computer?" And he'd be like, "Okay." Then you'd say, "I just gotta delete some pictures for the memory. My project might overload it." Then he'll freak out and be like, "Oh, honey, I just remembered, I have some work to do, you can have it soon." And he'll zip right to the folder.

♥nikki

Answer 9

if you really think your dad forced your mom to do that, then even though it will be difficult to confront her, it is in the best inerest of your mom. Or if it comes to it the law can be involved. good luck and god bless

Answer 10

Personally if I were you Id stay out of it your parents are grown enough to make their own decisions! the thing is thats their personal life and relationship! you shouldnt get involed because if you do then you might **** something up then youll look bad as long as their good parents to you thats all that matters live your life let them live theirs ..learn from their mistakes.