How do you combine step-families?

Question

Well I am in a loving relationship. We have a son together, I have an older son, he has 2 girls. How do we combine these families together? I try very hard to be loving with his girls, but if I'm not a hard-butt, they don't respect me. He wants to be a hardbutt with my eldest son that tends to act spoiled (gets mouthy, unappreciative of what we do) while his real father is exempt from his life. His eldest daughter wants to live with us and I'm excited, but she's been (lieing?) to her mom a lot. With her just turning into a teen and my 5 yo that adores her and a 1 yo, what do I do? Did I mention he has a 5 yo too? I don't want to be thier mom, but I do want to be respected without being mean or yelling all the time (to all of them!). How can we set boundaries and show love at the same time and try to agree on parenting while we both work full time and have limited hours with them anyway??!!

Answer 1

Good for you for all your effort in making this confusing thing work. The bottom line is that you and your husband need to be on the same page and have the same rules for each child (age appropriate). Be consistent! Have a special day once a week or month when you can get everybody together and have a family day. Talk to your husband and tell him all your concerns. If he wants it to work as much as you do, you guys should be ok. Good luck and God bless!!

Answer 2

You set rules... and have a family meeting after you and your husband decide on the rules... and stick to them...

Children don't hear us when we YELL.. did you hear your parents when they yelled? Probably not.

One of the best things i ever did with my kids was, when they misbehaved or did something wrong, i had them sit at the kitchen table immediately... then i said "i'll be right back"... i'd go outside or into the bathroom to cool off... anything so i did not sound "irrational". I'd finally go back to the kitchen, and we'd talk. I'd ask my child how they felt about what they did, and also what they might have learned from their mistake... If i felt punishment was in order, i'd let them know there would be punishment (then, i'd think about it for a bit before i submitted to a specific punishment).

Sometimes there was no punishment at all, because, as you probably know, kids sometimes learn their lessons the hard way.

You don't have to try and impress your husband's girls, or his son... just be YOU... I think that being a positive role model, acting like a lady, and being consistent is a good start. You can also let them know you'll be there if they need someone to listen.

You are your husband aren't always going to agree in every aspect of parenting, so maybe discuss this before a family meeting? You both need to understand this.. and sometimes work toward compromise.

that's my best answer. you have a BIG job ahead of you, and i hope you get some good answers and advice here ! take care!

Answer 3

All of this should have been worked out prior to saying "I do", don't ya think? You and hubby need to be on the same page in raising the children so you can present a united front and the kids will know they don't have a chance to play you against each other. Go to family counseling and get it sorted out so the kids don't suffer.

Answer 4

sit down as a family and place the boundries on everyone. of course there will be some different rules for the older kids, but they all at the same time will sit and listen to the rules and boundries. you and hubby need to have a list for the rules and boundries that are broken and their concequences.

Answer 5

good luck. i raised a daughter to 15 before i got married. we now have a three year old and my daughter is 19. they get along famously. they both surf, so there was an instant bond. he's never pulled rank and it was a concern of hers in the beginning. her dad is also out of the picture and always has been. i wish i could help. i got lucky.