Should I stay with her even though she broke my heart?

Question

My girlfriend of 2 years and I broke up 3 months ago, mainly to get space, but knowing we would get back together. A week after this she wanted to get back, and i did too, but i said we should take some more time to fix what we needed to. she was upset and said she wanted me back. 2 days later she went to see her ex , and after this, she didn't want to get back, saying she needed to be single. over the course of the next month i begged for her back, sent her flowers, did everything i could. she was different, told me she didn't love me and to move on. we were at the same party one night, and i decided to try to move on, so i talked to other girls. one girl was on my arm flirting, and my ex flipped out, screaming at me and calling me an asshole. later she came to my apartment to see if i was sleeping with her (which i wasn't). after this she wanted to hang out again and so we did. the next 2 weeks went well until she told me she had slept with her ex 2 weeks before.

i was shocked and hurt. the whole time i had been begging for her and expressing my love to her she had been flirting and talking and sleeping with her ex. she had told me she needed to be alone and didn't want anyone. i was upset and told her i needed space, but she flipped out. she texted me saying she was going to kill herself that night because i didn't love her anymore. i didn't want her to die so i tried to forgive her. we hung out like before, but i felt different. i lost trust and faith in her. i gave in to her one night and we officially got back together. now she acts like nothing ever happened and everything is great. but now i feel like i'm not in love with her. she is planning our "2 1/2" year anniversary this thursday, but i feel like i am living a lie. after knowing what she did to be i feel like it will never be the same. should i end this or try to work through it? when and how is the best way to end it if i need to. i am afraid of hurting her.

Answer 1

Well the odds are against you if you can't let the past go. Once the trust is broken it is hard as hell to get it back. The reason she acted the way she did when she saw you with the other girl is jealousy. No doubt. You need to be upfront and honest with her, and if you can't let go...I mean it is easier to forgive than to forget, then you need to end it before it goes any further. Simply explain it the same way you did to us. Therapy is always an option. I mean technically you weren't together so she didn't really cheat on you. However, if it were me, I would have a very hard time putting the past to rest. Good luck with whatever decision you make!

Answer 2

Sounds like this person has serious emotional commitment issues. The typical "I want you when I can't have you, but if you're available, you're not exciting." She wants what she can't have and as long as she sees you with someone else, she's jealous. Don't waste your time. It's emotionally draining and I'm sure someone more stable is out there.

I've been there, done that, was strung along for several months, was engaged, then he broke it off, then he begged me back. Two months later he split, after telling me he had the best Christmas of his life because of me!??

I knew his best friend very well and later we dated and the former fiance' came after me again, I said "No, thanks." Then I moved on to another guy, became seriously involved and the former fiance' calls again and wants to meet. I agreed to see him at a bookstore, you know a public place. He starts trying to talk me into seeing him again. He was a very wealthy man, but honey, money is NOT everything!! I declined again.

I've been married now for six years and I still hear from him about every six months to a year. I'm so glad I didn't stay with him OR drop my current husband for him while we were dating!! He married nine days after I did, when I called out of courtesy to tell him I was getting married he said he was also. They've been divorced over two years now, so much for his commitment!

Answer 3

Wow. I'm really sorry about all that has happened. Truthfully, if she keeps runnin' off on you and playin games, i don't see how your relationship is going to work. ANd if she has done this much now, what says she won't do all this again? I really think that if you are truly unhappy in the relationship it's a warning to get out of it before you are really hurt. Tell her how you feel, tell her you care about her, but after what she had done, it's hard to have the same trust, love, and faith as you did in the past. Maybe even show her this question you typed on here? To show her that you did care, thay you wanted to fix it, but you don't want ot hurt her. I hope in some way this helps and that everything works out for you in the end. If you need any other help you can email me. Best of luck.

Answer 4

well if you dont love her then move on and you should not even care if she will be hurt or not... BUT you do care.. so means you still love her and just mad about the situation that she did slept with her ex....well.. first thing you do before you make a decision is.... try to find time ..to think and realized if you really still love her or not...because if you do love her still in a way.. then next step is try to find forgiveness in your heart, once you know how to forgive you'll be happy with her again..remember all of us women and men are bound to make mistakes and only forgiveness will make it better... just imagine if the situation is the other way around.. how would you feel... wont you ask for forgiveness too? cuz you made a wrong move and made mistakes... nobody is perfect and relationship is alwasy "live and learn" and you can only do this IF you both STILL LOVE each other..... but then.. if you can not find forgiveness in your heart then move on. already and tell her the truth about how you feel.. because eventually you will have anyways.....

but if you think you still love her.. work it out within yourself, find forgiveness and be happy with her again... if you cant.. just move on then and tell her the truth how you feel it hurts but whenever it is it will still hurt and wont make any difference between telling her as soon as posible or later on..

Answer 5

I think you should just let her know that you've lost the trust you had before because of the situation with her ex. The only reason she decided to get back with you is because she saw that someone else wanted you. Had she not seen that at the party she would still be "playing" hard to get. Another thing, don't ever let a girl now how bad you want to be with her, if you "play" hard, and act like you really don't care, you will get her back faster..

Answer 6

Sounds like the two of you have grown apart but it's still a fresh break and that is where the jealousy comes in. It's hard to see the other with a new interest. Those feelings will fade with time and it wont bother you. Maybe it's time to move on and have time for yourself for a while then you will know what you want out of life. If ur heart isn't in it 100% then it wont work.

Answer 7

I think you know what you should do...why be with somebody if you feel like you're lying to them. I was with a guy who cheated on me...we got back together because he said he would kill himself and I still cared enough about him so a year later we were still together and I just despised him. In the end I realized that I would never marry this guy, so being with him was just a waste of time. It also wasn't fair to stay with him when I was lying about my feelings. I think it's only hurting both of you if you stay in the relationship. I think you know this already. Good luck if you do decide to break up with her. Here's a fun fact too, 9 out of 10 people who say they will kill themselves will never even attempt to actually do it. I hope everything works out for you!

Answer 8

I think you already know the answer. It might not be the easy answer or the painless answer. When there are issues that break ones heart that will cause trust issues. And underlying resentment that will resurface in fights. I am not saying not to take her back that isnt my place. I would just really think long and hard about if she is the type of woman you could start a family with? I know that sounds fast but eventually wouldnt that be the goal?

Answer 9

Your answer is in the issue of living a lie and not being in love with her. Unfortunately she may not understand either, as she is not part of the equations or the resolution to live your life more honestly and ethically as you see fit. If you are not in love with her, she will chase you to the ends of the earth to find out who it is you are in love with even when there is no one at all. There is little you can do to make her understand, and there is no easy to end it without breaking her heart--you need to be strong in your convictions and make the break as
soon as you can. Don't do it at night and do it in person in the day time.

Answer 10

You can never tell what the future will bring, but my suggestion is that you stay apart for now. At this point there is too much hurt involved.

Think of it as building a house on a freshly covered land fill. The ground always requires time to stabalize and rid itself of toxins.