Is this sexual assault or not?

Question

So, guy I was afdating always wanted me to have oral sex with him. He'd push me down and I'd always push back up and say no. However, one Saturday, I did relent...not to completion, but just a minute or so before I stopped. That evening, while I was sleeping, he climbed ontop of me, inserted into my mouth, and I literally woke up with him finishing on me...though he "did his business" outside.
I didn't give him permission, and I felt slightly violated...but not to the point that I would call it rape, because I mean, we were dating each other. I put it in the back of my mind until now, as last night while we were in a group of friends he called me such a "prude" while we were dating...and I remembered the incident, and felt weird about it.
Anyhow...what does this count as?

Well, I did wake up after he had inserted...for how long I don't know. But at that point it was just a very dreamlike state ansd I couldnt really figure out what was going on...I only pieced together everything when I woke up the next morning and felt stuff.

Well, I did wake up after he had inserted...for how long I don't know. But at that point it was just a very dreamlike state ansd I couldnt really figure out what was going on...I only pieced together everything when I woke up the next morning and felt stuff.

Answer 1

If you even ask this question, leave him now!

Answer 2

Without a doubt this is RAPE, sexual assualt, call it want you want but he did this to you without consent, and knowing full well that even when you were awake you did not like to do this. It does not matter that you were dating at the time. There are 2 main elements of the charge of rape, first being that there was penetration (tick) and secondly that there was a lack of consent (tick). People who are asleep are deemed incapable of giving consent (strange thing that, hey).

To clarify too, I am a guy and I find this sort of behaviour absolutely appalling. I find it an indictment on my gender that some men seem to think that they can just take what they want regardless of their girlfriends/wive's feelings. And as for being a prude, tell him to get f*****. Call me a prude, but there are just some things I think you shouldn't put in your mouth, that being one of them.

Now that you've asked the question though, what is it you want to do about it? Do you still have any kind of relationship with this guy? Is he a violent type as well (sounds like he is to me)? Do you need to seek counselling or is it something you feel like you can deal with yourself? I could go on. But nevertheless you were raped and you need to decide how you want to proceed.

Answer 3

What difference does it make now? You felt what you felt.
It seems you aren't dating anymore and if you haven't thought about it until he mentioned you being a prude, that may be the real reason you are upset.....his insulting you in front of friends, rather than a private moment some time ago. Maybe you feel you should have stood up for yourself, next time do so.

Answer 4

If you were dating and he had reason to believe you would consent, it's not assault. You CAN assault someone who doesn't know about it (kissing someone while they are sleeping if you know that they would object is assault), but consent doesn't have to be verbalized. A person can give "consent" non-verbally if his actions would lead a person to reasonably believe they are consenting.

Because you consented that day, he may have assumed that it was ok.

But, just so you know, you can be raped by someone you're dating or even married to. Sounds like he was out of line, but this is judged on a subjective standard-- if HE believed you would consent if awake, it's not assault.

I think you should stay away from him.

Answer 5

On the whole, it is considered that rape encompasses both use of the sexual organs, penetration with an object and the lack of consent.
Whilst it has in the past been mainly women who have been the publicised victims of rape, in the modern courts it has accepted that rape could occur to any one of any gender.
As it so closely linked and almost synonymous with sexual assault it can be said to be one and the same thing.
Therefore, in the situation you described I would say that yes, you could easily say that it was sexual assault and in perhaps even claim that it was rape.
Be warned though, rape or sexual assault is hard to prove, and sadly it is usually the victim that ends up being on trial.
However I would suggest that you ought to speak to a counsellor about it, to discuss your feelings. You did nothing wrong and shouldn't be made to feel "weird" about it.

Answer 6

First of all this is considered rape. You did not concent to this. You know that you can married and still be raped by your singifcant other. If it still haunts you then you should really talk to someone you trust about this. It can really affect you in your future relationships. He was totally wrong in what he did and you have nothing to feel weird about, none of this was your fault. Remember you do not have to do anything you do not want to.

Answer 7

Yes that is absolutely sexual assault since you never consented to it. He should respect you 100% when you told him no. He has no right to do what he did. He should be ashamed of himself and should not be your boyfriend. What he did was disgusting, despicable and bunch of other things. Please break up with this guy immediately. He doesn't deserve you whatsoever. I'm so pissed off at this guy.

Answer 8

This is sexual assault. Absolutely, he crossed boundaries he shouldn't have crossed. The fact that you were dating is irrelevant. A husband can rape his wife. A parent can abuse a child.
The title or ownership that occurs from relationship status doesn't allow for abuse.

Answer 9

Yea, just break up, get a restraining order, and try not to get raped.

OR

Become less prude and just do stuff with him without resisting, then he wont rape you.

Answer 10

Any sexual advance or act that is committed without your permission is sexual assault. It doesn't matter if you have been "afdating" (whatever that means), it doesn't matter if you have had sex a thousand times with him.

It was rude, insensitive, immature, invasive, and abusive.
I would question whether you can trust him anymore.

Answer 11

u have been violated to the fullest if u don't want to sexual activities u shouldn't have 2 he possibly doesn't care much for u look into your relationship a little closer.