my step mother always used to make me feel like i was the least most important thing in my fathers life. why?

Question

my mother died of cancer when i was 7. my mam & dad separated when i was about 3. when my mam died my dad bought a new house with his new partner so i could live with them but she told me that the house was not mine and i was just living in it! she also told me that my dad had told her that if anything ever happed to her he would kill himself as he would have nothing else to live for as she was the most important thing in his life. To this day i have never confronted her about this but I so want to. i want to tell my dad what a witch he married but i dont want to hurt him as he had a heart attack a short while back. i don't think i can move on though, until i hear from him that she was full of ****! should i tell her how miserable she made me??? I have no "get up and go" now she sucked that out from me. please help.

Answer 1

I'm so sorry for what you have had to go through. You don't mention your age, but I hope you are out of the house and on your own now.

Forgiveness is something you do for you, not for her. In order for you to have peace in your life, you need to forgive her in your heart. That does not mean that you are saying what she did is okay, just that in order for you to move on, you are choosing to forgive.

If you forgive her, that will ease the burden you feel, and you can move on.

You know it was a load she was shoveling you. If your dad was made aware how can that help his situation now?

Move on and have a happy life, and find someone who will share it with you!

Answer 2

Maybe some of the answers are right about your stepmother doing this out of insecurity in herself rather than hating you and being plain nasty for the sake of it. Blood is thicker than water, not always, but a fair bit of the time. I am sorry you didn't have someone to talk to about it back then, that probably was important (not that you can change that of course). Can you find a way to stop letting her suck your energy anymore? Success will help you, be good for your dad, and might take some of her perceived power away. If you need to tell your dad, then tell him, because honesty is important. Maybe if he asked you, you could tell him, but otherwise talk to someone else about it if it is not really important for the closeness of your relationship to tell him. Sounds like it is though - maybe you could approach it more from the point of view of how it upset you, not about it being a complaint about her being evil. Another thing is, do you know of activities that you and your dad can do that would not involve your stepmother (without being nasty about it, such as she is busy then or at work, or would not be interested, or you only could afford two tickets to etc)? - not to get back at her, but so you can spend time with your dad. Maybe a therapist could help you work through your feelings and figure out what is going on and how you can move on and make the most of your life. Good luck with it.

Answer 3

Being a step mother is the hardest role a person can have in life. I know, because I am one to a 12-year old girl and a 16-year old boy. We've been together for seven years now.

In the beginning, it was difficult for all three of us. We were all insecure with our positions. None of us knew who was more important in my husband's and their dad's life. What we also didn't know at first was that we were all equally important. It took a little bit of time for us to figure this out...including my husband and their dad.

What your step mother has done makes me so very angry. It's step moms like her who give us other step moms a bad rep.

You must speak with you father and tell him what your step mother has said to you. I'll tell you right now that when you do, there's going to be a fight. Probably a big one. But, that's okay, because this stuff must be talked about. The only way your family is going to become healthy is through talking. And probably counselling.

Your step mother needs to understand that you are not a threat to her. She needs to be made to feel secure in her relationship with your dad. Once she does, she will not feel the need to be so evil to you. Your father can't be blamed if he doesn't know what's going on. He has to be given a chance to take some action. I'm absolutely positive that he would want to know how you're being treated. One, so he can ensure that you're happy in your own home and, two, so he can do something that relieves your step mom of the pain that she's obviously in.

I think what's best is for you three to speak with a counsellor so that you can all talk about your feelings in an environment that is controlled and safe.

My family is so very lucky. We have a wonderful life together and have great fun. We don't use the words "step mother," "step sister," "step son," or "step" anything in our family. We're just a regular family of two parents and four kids. It just so happens that two of the kids call me by my first name instead of calling me "Mom." That doesn't make them any less my kids. I love them every bit as much as I love the two kids I gave birth to. It just takes time and caring and maturity on my part as the adult in the relationship.

Please speak with your dad. If this situation isn't dealt with, it will only get worse. I'm sure that no one wants that to happen. And if it's dealt with properly, you'll come to have a happy family like mine. It's possible, I promise you.

Answer 4

Your letting her win by showing that she is making your miserable. Ofcourse she is going to hate you because your his daughter. She wants to be in control of the situation and she feels good making you feel bad. My advice is don't let her have the satisfaction. I'm sure that she puts you down on a regular basis but show that it doesn't effect you in anyway. Tell her things like "is that the best you got" or "wow you look really bad today". You know what I mean. Just don't be a defenseless animal that she can pick on all the time.

One thing that would piss her off so much would you spending heaps of time with your dad. One day its going to piss her off so much she will burst and your dad will see that side of her. Try to tape record a nasty conversation between the two of you and play it to him. Ask him what he thinks and don't be worried if he will have another heary attack. Because if you truly aren't happy then I'm sure your father wouldn't be for you either.

Answer 5

i'm not a mom needless to say, yet i'm a dad and my spouse, now an ex helped me strengthen my 2 little ones after my first spouse walked out on the two the babies and me. My little ones have been toddlers on the time and he or she had 2 daughters who have been 8 and 10 on the time. Her daughters did not like me as a results of fact of former boyfriends, and so forth that dealt with my spouse, ex now, and her daughters like dirt. They have been terrified of me and concept i could handle them the comparable. yet through the years they found out who i'm and alter into. They now tell me i substitute into continuously extra of a dad than their organic fathers ever have been. My little ones who're now 23 and 25 have not something by any potential to do with my first spouse, their organic mom and that they call my 2nd spouse mom and have for some years. even although we at the instant are separated and one thousand miles aside my very own daughter lives interior the comparable city and is there for her daily. My daughter additionally calls me fantastically much a week. the factor i'm making is that factor would be the only ingredient which will tell. once you are the female and mom which you assert those little ones will quickly comprehend it and that they are going to learn how to celebrate with you for who you're. you're able to in basic terms refuse to get into pissing contests with the ex. If she calls and needs to start up stink in basic terms cling up or tell her you refuse to have a conflict of wits with an unarmed opponent. Make it completely crystal sparkling on your boyfriend/husband that this won't stand. make a call now or you're out the door. you do not could take her crap and don't take it. yet do not assume a new child to comprehend the wear they convey about suitable away. undergo in techniques, your strikes will continuously communicate plenty louder than words and appreciate is an earned ingredient, not some thing you could call for, purchase or have exceeded to you through a third social gathering. basically you could earn it and in case you do the babies will supply it to you. I promise that plenty. confusing earned appreciate is between the main relaxing of all emotions i comprehend of. good luck.

Answer 6

Liley is more than likely correct in her answer of 'Jealousy,' as you and your father were of the same blood, she was just an add-on in his life.

I would suspect that you can 'move on in your life' without waiting to hear from her what you would like to hear. By waiting for this or anything in particular from her, you are (as it were) giving her a 'power' over you and your life.

This is an error on your part, you are playing her game to her rules and she holds all the cards ....other than that of your bond with your father.

By all means tell her 'how miserable' she 'had made you' ~ see, the 'Past tense' there, and let her see that you understand her ''Game'' (without saying ~ DO NOT say that word) and that you are no longer subject to it (by simply not joining her in it).

Your relationship, first and foremost, is with your Father, have as little to do with her as possible.

Good luck.
Sash.

Answer 7

I'm very sorry that you had to live with such a cruel and uncaring step mother. What she did to you was emotionally abusive, and horrifying. She's sick... very sick.

I'm sure you have lost some measure of respect for your father because he married her, but we have to remember that our parents' choices aren't always our favorite... we have to live and let live.

I would suggest seeing a therapist for YOU... Talk to them about the events of your life with this step monster, and how you feel today. A therapist will help you decide what you need to do in order to grow and move forward... They will also help you to come to some realizations about your step monster, and others in your life... including yourself.

Hon, you deserve good help. Horrible people can bring us down if we LET THEM!! Please don't let her do it... find some help now.

You didn't mention your age, so if you are still in school, talk with your counselor. Your counselor can give you direction and help and advice.

It would be wonderful if you had someone to talk with. I hope you will make the effort to get the good help you so very much deserve.
hugs

Answer 8

I think that you probably know in your heart that your dad loves you and that she was not speaking for him. There are some very insecure people around who believe that if someone else is getting love that there is less love for them, especially if they can't compete with that person. She is an immature, insecure cow. You have lost a lot in your life and I feel sad for you. I think that you are quite within your rights to tell her how you feel, but don't expect a good response from her.

Answer 9

What your stepmother did was hurtful and cruel

She had no right to say anything to you

What you need to know, is that your father DEFINITELY wouldn't have said those things. You are his child. He loves you with all his heart.

You need to tell him what she did to you, otherwise he will go on living a life with a fake, lying evil...person...

If you tell him now then he can start to get over it and you too can bond over it, bringing you closer together.

If you don't tell him, subconsciously...you will think of it constantly and then will resent your father and this will cause you too drift apart and will put a wedge between you..

Just tell the truth and everything will work out fine babe

Good Luck

Hope I Helped :)
JustJosh
xoxoxo

Answer 10

step mothers can be evil. i think it's a jealousy issue because your dad loved somebody enough to marry before her and you are what came out of it. so you are constantly reminding her of that fact.....not your fault of course! But still. Sucks. But i think you need to find some way to let it go. Telling her isn't going to help anything.