what age is a good age?

Question

to talk to your kids about sex? My 7 year old first grader came home today and asked his brother (9years old) if he was a virgin (although he pronounced it aversion)

I asked him where he heard that and what he meant...he said he didn't know what it means but some middle school kids were standing outside the fence the other day while his class was on recess and asked the kids on recess if they were virgins.

I think the school should pay better attention to who is standing there talking to the kids. Should I go talk to the school about this or should I just teach my 7 year old about sex? I feel like it's too young but I don't know maybe it's not.

I am not religious and quite honestly my children know nothing of the virgin mary nor who she is.

and my kids know about touching. I'm talking about when should you full out explain sex to them.

a lot of you keep saying to tell him sex is what married people do. I am a single mother who has never been married my children know I have never been married. I feel like this is being looked at in a moral way of what people feel right and wrong. that's not what I was asking.

Answer 1

i think when they ask, you tell. you can't keep your child in a bubble, and if they're hearing things at school or elsewhere, they'd better be hearing the correct version from you!

telling your child what a "virgin" is doesn't mean he's going to run off and start having sex, lol. see it as a great opportunity to tell him about the world, his body, and your values. it's way more awkward to start a sex conversation out of nowhere than to seize the opportunity when it presents itself.

not that i think a 7-year-old needs to get into great detail. but by 7 i think it's reasonable that kids know where babies come from, that when men and women grow up and love each other and want to have a baby they have sex, and that before you're ready to have sex, you're a "virgin". and by all means start talking to your 7-year-old about how long you think that should be.....

Answer 2

Before the middle schoolers start they're class, I would introduce the concept of sex to him before he gets the wrong idea. You do not have to go into detail now, as a matter of fact I would just define virgin, and then tell him sex isn't something you want him to get into until he is an adult. Then tell him if he hear more about it from others than you want him to tell you so you can explain it to him correctly or he can ask questions if he wants. (Keep the conversation open, so he won't feel as if he did something wrong, allowing him to be comfortable to talk to you later.) Don't put an "age" on the conversation because your kids can pick up information or misinformation at any age, just make the content of the topic age appropriate.

I would take that matter to the school because they should be concerned about the content of conversations students are having especially concerning sex. What if these students decide to solicit younger naive students participate in such actions.

Answer 3

I think if you talk to him a little about it now and continue to keep it an open subject, he will be much more informed than most of the teenagers are these days. Since he is still so young, you could tell him that "aversion" is something that married people do to have babies when they are in love. As he gets older, you can get more detailed.

Sounds like you are taking the right steps about this awkward discussion, but the more you bring it up, the less awkward it will be when your kids are teens and have real questions.

And I thought it was adorable that he pronounced it incorrect!

Answer 4

I'd let it go...for now.. unless your 7 year old presses the issue.

There are some great books written for kids about maturing, puberty and sex.... they are very helpful, written in a way kids can understand, and you might find them at the library... or Barnes & Noble, or other large bookstore... These books are truly great! Helped me!

Unfortunately, the school can't control what other kids say. However, you can let them know what is going on. Our kids are exposed to real life quite a lot while in school.... setting a good example at home can help counter act the bad behavior they might see when not at home with you.

take care.

Answer 5

I would talk as guestions come up. Also I agree that you should use the proper terms.
I really think that you need to talk to the school. What your child heard is tame compared to what they could hear, see, do, etc. Older kids to not need to be hanging around the elementary school. Where was the teacher when this was happening? I am a teacher and I would have been concerned with kids/adults standing at the fence.

Answer 6

If you have cable put on the TLC channel and watch A Baby Story. That can help bring up questions such as where babies come from and how did they get there. You need to be specific but you don't need to elaborate. A virgin is someone who hasn't had sex. Sex is what married adults do to make a baby. It's when a man puts his penis in her vagina. That is age appropriate for a 7 year old. As they get older the questions get harder and you do have to expand to cover things like unwed pregnancies, oral sex, and homosexual sex. All of those answers of course depend on your religion but should still be answered as honestly as possible so that they will always feel comfortable coming to you for guidance.

Answer 7

Sex is a subject that should be ongoing in the family. It should start at the very early ages teaching body parts (Not pee pee and "coolie" but PENIS and VAGINA) teaching the child about touch, who should and shouldn't (doctor sometimes needs to touch our private parts) By seven I think a child should know what a virgin is...especially if one disucsses the bible in the home. How can one disucss the virgin Mary if one does without the child knowing what a virgin birth is?

Answer 8

I think I'd just say--A virgin is someone who has never tried to make a baby. You have a long way to grow before you'll be ready to make a baby, so this doesn't matter for you.

Your 9 yo, though, may be ready for the talk if you haven't given it to him already. Just the facts, purely biological, and again, this will not apply to you for a long time yet.

TX Mom

Answer 9

Schools cannot possibly monitor every conversation at the school. he is just repeating what he has heard, but right now has no idea what he is even talking about. Buy books about sex education geared towards his age group and slowly start to educate him about it and answer any questions he has in a way he can understand it. Right now getting too detailed is pointless...he won't comprehend what you are saying.

Answer 10

Yes I would go ahead and tell him what it meant. Then if he had questions answer them. Better to hear from you then some kid in the school yard. I agree they should pay more attention to who is around the smaller children .