There is not a day that goes by that my phone isn't ringing off the hook. She is always asking me to look things up on the internet and she is always gripping about something. Everything has to be drama. She loves to boss me around. I am 30 years old. I don't want to be rude to her. How can I nicely tell her to back off?
2007-12-15 12:41:12 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your mom is obviously lonely and in need of friends. Right now, you seem to be filling a void.
It will be hard to tell her to back off, but you can make some excuses when she asks you to do something like look things up on the Internet. Tell her you'll do it when you have time. She may get the message that you are in fact busy. Fingers crossed on that one.
If she telephones only to gripe or relate the current drama or give you orders of some sort, tell her you'll have to call her back. Then take your time doing so.
Some mothers are martyrs. Mine was. If you tell her nicely to back off, she might throw it back at you in an indignant way. Mine did. It's up to you how you word your complaint. Tricky stuff!
The best of luck. If you're a mom yourself, learn from all this. I did. ;-)
2007-12-15 13:13:30 · answer #1 · answered by Jami 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear you are not getting on so well. It is true that while there are things about her that annoy you, she is your mom. Do you have other brothers and sisters? Maybe you could get together and buy your mom a reasonable PC or laptop and get her set up with email and the Internet. That way she can look up some things herself and send you emails as well as call (and you could send her happy emails that show her you are thinking of her without it having to involve a conversation every time). It sounds to me like the looking things up could be a way to get your attention, maybe not, but just a thought. Do you make an effort to spend a bit of time with her regularly, doing something she would enjoy that would put her in a good mood? If not, it might make her less needy and also less complaining when you are talking. With regards to the bossing thing, I understand where you are coming from there. Maybe if you continue to be nice and polite, and when she is really bossy, explain you understand her advice and appreciate her concern and being there for you, but choose to do things your way (it is your choice as an adult, and your consequences). My mother eventually got do accept it, with only a few fights, and we are still great friends. Hope it works out for you.
2007-12-15 21:10:35 · answer #2 · answered by Max 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you'll have to be very firm with her and tell her that you don't mind doing stuff for her, but you feel like she expects it and she's not very polite about it and you feel at 30 years old, you've lived long enough to receive a little respect from her.
I'm 39 and my mom is 59 and she doesn't do that to me, but sometimes she does act over motherly. I'm a pretty assertive person though.
2007-12-15 20:47:26 · answer #3 · answered by A 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get an answering machine and let it take most of her calls and limit how much you actually talk to her. If she asks why just tell her why. If you cant stand up for yourself people will boss you around. They arent afraid of hurting your feelings so dont be afraid to be honest with her.
2007-12-15 21:02:31 · answer #4 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your 30 and can't tell your mum "Stop calling me witht his crap". I think she is just trying to be part of your life in anyway she can. You know parents after they raise the kids they have nothing much to do and this might be her way of just keeping herself busy. Tell her that you honestly don't have time for drama and that you have your own life to live.
2007-12-15 22:42:31 · answer #5 · answered by Johny 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Your mother is old enough to look things up for herself... so tell her that if she doesn't have the internet, she can use yourse or go to the library to do her own research.
Apparently you have no personal boundaries, so your mother takes advantage of you.
Adults need to do things FOR THEMSELVES, when they are capable... so if she's not disabled or retarded, expect her to take care of her own things...
I have found websites for you on setting personal boundaries, if you are interested.
2007-12-15 21:09:12 · answer #6 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
1) Move out.
2) Tell her nicely that your 30 and not 13.
3) Find her a hobby, a date or something that'll keep her pre-occupied.
2007-12-15 20:48:32 · answer #7 · answered by Equinox 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Aw don't you just love her. Even the stupid pathetic things that she does, you gotta love her.
2007-12-15 20:50:37 · answer #8 · answered by CynCity 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋