My in-laws and I use to be really close?

Question

Then we got pregnant and they were so excited until they found out I was going to see a family member that they felt we'd all get a germ from.They refused contact with us and their first Grandchild, unless we didn't see this relative.The baby was born and I was inviting them to visit sending pics and everything trying to make peace but we never heard back.The baby turned two and I ran into them and so they said they wanted to see us.My hubby wants nothing to do with them (which I feel is his choice) I just don't want my child to grow up without her grandparents.My child and I have visited numerous times but I feel things will always be so different.They don't say they love me anymore, they just treat me indifferent,like I'm still to blame for it all?!I just need to know a third party feeling on how to handle it all .They haven't seen our daughter in almost 2 months and it's like they don't even care!Thanks for any advice:)

Sue F.To answer your question my family member was into drugs and coming home from out of state to get clean and sober.She has since moved away(only stayed home for that month that I was 8 months pregnant when this all happend.Thanks for your kind words:)

Btw, my husband does know the whole thing.Also,it doesn't bother me that he doesn't see them-It's his decision-sorry I forgot to mention that.
Merry Christmas and Thank you all for your help with this matter:)

Answer 1

They sound very very weird and I wouldnt even want my child around someone who is so germophobic that they let it affect something this important.

Answer 2

Wow, this is a difficult situation. Congratulations on your baby, now toddler. There has to be a lot more going on behind the scenes that you do not know about, a simple concern about germs is not really what is going on.

Kudos to your husband for standing up for you and your child by refusing to have anything to do with whatever this whole mess with his parents is. I take it that he does not know the reasons or real reasons behind all of this animosity between his parents and this other supposed "germ laden" family member.

It is sad if your child has to grow up without her grandparents, but they have insulted you and your husband by behaving like this without a valid explanation. It is their choice, and I would just leave them alone for awhile and see what happens.

Has this other family member done something that is so horrible no one will talk about it, like abuse of some sort and they are too embarrassed to tell you or anyone this???? That would be the only reason I could think of for such less than sane actions on their part.

I don't know but there is nothing in this world that would keep my husband and I from visiting our children and their families, I don't care what is going on with anyone else in any branch of our families.

I think that I would continue to wait this out for awhile, even through the holidays, as long as it is okay with both you and your husband. Your in laws have no reason to be treating you any differently, as if you were to blame for anything. You have no idea what is going on, they should be reflecting the blame back on themselves for this mess.

My family and I wish you and your husband and your darling toddler the best and hope that your in-laws will tell you all what is actually going on and realize that they need to own up for this mess.

Merry Christmas.

Answer 3

You said you are "still to blame for it all". You did nothing wrong... and it was your choice to visit whomever the person with the "germ" was... Your in-laws must have some sort of obsessive compulsive disorder.... and they seem very judgmental.

You can't change their attitude, so don't even try... if you feel your child has to have people like this as grandparents, then go visit... if it were me, i wouldn't bother.

Your husband has made his own choice, so accept it...

Your child depends solely on YOU and your husband for role models, love, care and support. If the grandparents are aloof, it's not going to have that much of an impact on the child (and probably none). Especially since they act like they don't care.

Take care of YOU and your child and husband... im' sure there are others in your lives who love you too.

Answer 4

First of all why do you have to worry if your in-laws see your daughter or not? it is their lose they are the ones who started this problem let them handle their own, selfishness which ever way they want to. If you are Happy with your Husband and daughter, and the relationship between you two, is good, than you do not have to worry about them anymore. Concentrate in having a Loving and happy Marriage, and give all the Love you have to your Baby, and let the rest of the World live their Lives as they see fit, this is including your in-laws, one of this days they are going to regret what they did to you and your Family, but I think it is better this way, because if they got upset because you and your Husband did not abide to their decision then it is their Lose in Capital letters. As it is it's better for them to keep to themselves and not to bother you and your Husband anymore. Good luck to you and your family. and give a big hug to your darling Daughter.

Answer 5

This is their problem, don't make it yours. They the losers. As for your daughter, when she is old enough, she can make her own decisions as to weather to persue them or not. But it's their call right now. I would try to be congenial to them or kind what ever you want to call it. But when adults act like that especially when a child is involved.........something missing in their life. Just hang in there, it'll be ok. And your daughter will be fine.

Answer 6

Maybe you should want your child to grow w/o these so-called relatives. They're not exactly a good example of much...