I'm atheist, my mom wants to take my 2 year old to Catholic mass once in awhile...should I let her?

Question

I recently came out of the closet to my parents about my lack of theistic beliefs. They weren't happy about it, but they've been respectful (except for the birthday gift of a dozen religious books, but I digress..). My mom's in town helping out with our new baby, and she wants to take my 2 year old to church. She's done it before, but that was prior to my coming out as an atheist. At my toddler's age, I think it's probably harmless. Once he gets older, maybe around 5, I'll probably ask refuse to let him go anymore. I suspect I'll get the predictable "Let him go and figure things out for himself"...5 year olds don't "figure it out"...they emulate and internalize what their parents believe, so spare me that angle. Question is, should I just tell her, today will be the last time I allow this

Answer 1

Rather than tell you what I think is best for your child, I'm going to give you a few things to think about that may help you come to a decision you and your mother can live with.

This is the woman who raised you..did she raise you in the same way? You "figured it out" on your own.
On the other hand, leaving religious training to whoever wants to indoctrinate isn't looking out for the welfare of your child who simply cannot be expected to decide what is best at 2 or 5.

Were you disturbed by what experiences you had with the religious teaching you received as a child? Is this something you want your child to experience or is it something you feel is harmful to your child?

What does your spouse have to say about this? You are not the only parent. Whatever religious upbrining or no religious instruction...is this only one parent's decision in your home?

My opinion is that it is better for the child to have a united front in what their parents decide to rear their child. A strong sense of identity helps a child to form their own opinions later in life better and they're less likely an easy mark for a cult..that appeals to those seeking a strong sense of identity and beloning.


You and your mother need to come to an agreement on what limits there are to her teaching religion if that is what you feel strongly about. If you don't communicate your wishes and assert your role as parent, you cannot fault your mother for wanting to do what she perhaps believes as a lack or failure on your part..to impart belief.

It appears here that the roles are blurred so before you talk the nuts and bolts of what beliefs you want taught, you need to address those boundaries.

good luck
Shalom

Answer 2

How bizarre- a grandparent wanting to go out of the way to take a 2-year old baby to mass? It would be interesting to hear your mother's reasoning behind this desire. Ultimately, it's up to you, but be prepared to put your foot down in a few years.

Most importantly, keep your son AWAY from the Catholic church between the ages of 5 and 15! You know why.

Answer 3

Yes, you should tell her that if you aren't going to be a practicing Catholic your son isn't either. It will only confuse him. He will emulate/internalize what he learns from you. He won't "figure things out" for himself for many years to come. Besides, I can't imagine mass being very exciting for a 2 yr old. Do they have Sunday School for the little ones? Just curious.

Answer 4

I think you are confused. . .

<>

Has a life of Faith turned your mom into an irrational Jesus-freak? I don't think so, given that you still seem to get along in spite of your different belief systems. She still sounds like a nice lady. Therefore, with that in mind, I don't see any harm allowing your mom to take your child to Church once in a while.


<>

Just out of curiousity, I would like to know which dozen religious books your parents gave you for your birthday. Again, just out of curiosity.


<>

Attending Church is harmless, no matter what one's age.


<>

No, I will not spare you. You claim five year olds can't figure things out for themselves. If you really believed that, then you have no problem allowing your kid to go with your mother to Church even up to the age of five.

However, it is precisely because one may very well be capable of believing in God by the age of five that you've selected that point in time where you will no longer allow your son to go with his grandmother to Church.

If you really don't think a five year old can figure things out, there's no reason for you not to allow your mom to take your son to Church with her.

Your son is your mother's grandson. They each have an inalienable right to spend time with each other.

Besides, the irony of this little setup has not escaped me. Think about it. Your religious parents have, evidently raised an atheist. Okay, so be it. They allowed you to make up your own mind. And you said yourself that they have behaved respectfully despite their disappointment.

Now, what do you want to do? You want to force your atheistic beliefs on your own son by forcefully separating the grand children from the grand parents. In the interest of giving your children the same opportunity to make up their minds, as your parents gave you, allow them to visit their grand parents and attend Church services with them.

To not allow this is to be grossly unfair. Not to mention the fact that if your actions will be perceived by others as indicative of atheists. That's a good thing for the Faithful.

Answer 5

I think a child should be allowed to choose their own religion or lack of religion. So long as you explain to your little guy that what he's seeing at the church may not be real, and you talk freely with him about religion and atheism, I don't see a major problem - so long as you can be sure that your mom doesn't try to directly influence his decision.

Answer 6

protect your child.... teach him what you know... he will have time when he's old enough to make those decisions.. The catholic religion is developed to brain wash the young... they are set up to create maximum confusion in children... I'd tell her no way.. I don't share your religion, or your beleifs and the child is mine to raise ... and not let her take the children.. because they do get sneaky to promote their religions.. for the religious even if relatives have no respect for other people's opinions

Answer 7

Five is already far too old to put your kids in the hands of a cult. You should let her buy a dog and take it to church with her if she wants company.

Answer 8

I see so many atheists on here telling believers that they should allow their kids to study any kind pf religion or no religion at all. And they're always telling believers not to push their beliefs down their childrens' throats.

Why is the shoe on the other foot for you? Don't you want your child to be able to make up his own mind? Or would you prefer to make him believe what you believe because you're the mom and you said so?

Answer 9

It is completely up to you. It is your life and your child.

but your question brings something to my mind.

Lets reverse your scenario. What if your parents wanted to take your kids to disneyland on sunday and you didnt believe in breaking the sabbath and wanted them to go to church that day. How many atheists on here would be claiming that you are forcing your religious beliefs down a childs throat and brainwashing them by making them go to church?
Why is it ok for an atheist to instill their personal values and nonbeliefs of God on children, but when a religious person does it so many atheists call it brainwashing?

Answer 10

Well the obvious answer would be "Hell No", but at the same time you want to allow your child to choose for itself. No true atheist would force a religion or lack thereof on their own child. I'd allow it to happen, but I'd make sure to discuss my opinions on the bs he just learned.