My parents got in a HUGE fight last night. My mom has always vented to me. Since I was little. I fel right smack in the middle of things, I don't want to be involved anymore but I can't seem to not be tramatize by the fights and the abuse my father puts on my mom. He doesn't hit, but does MEAN things. He has her trapped in this relationship and I can't help but hate my dad for what hes done to my mom. I know that isnt fair but he is in the wrong, and i love my mother so much. How can I be ok in this screwed up situation? If you need more info please feel free to ask.
2007-12-15 09:55:36 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My mom is embaressed that she is married to my dad still...so she doesn't talk to othersfor fear of judgement. I am all she has, i eel so guilty if i turn my back on her my dad was wrong why should be alone?
She has been in and out of counceling as I have, but councelors just say "leave" and "have faith" but no one is willing to help her and she can not do it alone. She is no longer young (thinking about being 60) so she also doesnt see the point anymore of trying to leave as he has already ruined her life. I love her so much and want to support her, but its soo hard to not have her problems become my own.
2007-12-15 10:12:14 · update #1
Your mother has to check out a battered woman's shelter. You can go with her. The problem is that your mother has to take a stand and move on it. Let her know you support her decision to leave. If your mom won't leave your dad, tell her she is making it too hard on you by venting about her problems. She needs to find another adult.
2007-12-23 04:49:24 · answer #1 · answered by Simmi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you have to do Julie is tell your Mom that you can't listen any more. It is unfair of her to throw you in the middle. It's ashame she has done this since you were little because it may have changed your thoughts about men in general. Let me tell you 99% of men are not like your Dad. I guess the big question is why she stays in this abusive relationship? I think it is because she is weak and won't make a decision to leave. Tell her you won't listen any more. If she begins, just change the subject or leave the room or say you have to go and hang up the phone. She will eventually understand. Good luck and don't let them drag you down in life. You have your own life to live. I hope you can be happy.
2007-12-15 10:06:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Julie. I figure you to be a sweet & caring person. However, your mom is making a huge mistake by venting to you about her problems with your dad.
There should be a clear boundary on issues between adults, & their children, & your mom's decision to vent to you about it is probably the primary reason why you are choosing to concern yourself over things for which you have absolutely no control. You are not the cause of your fathers bad treatment of your mother ( or even of you).
I know your mom needs SOMEONE to share her trouble with, but to burden anyone who has no life experience like this from which to draw on, is TOTALLY inappropriate.
So therefore you are quite right about the fact that you can't help. Plus it's NOT YOUR JOB TO HELP. You are the child, NOT A MARRIAGE, or couples COUNCELLOR! So don't expect to be able to take on that role.
You are absolutley right that this situation is screwed up, & the responsibility for making sure that you are free of it lies strictly with BOTH your parents. If your dad is messing with your mom, & it's affecting you then it's HIS job to do EVERYTHING necessary to protect his daughter from the trauma. If your mom is making the mistake of exposing you to these adult issues then she has to do EVERYTHING necessary to prevent her daughter from such a burden that she has absolutely no control over.
I suggest that you allow your mom, AND your dad see your question, along with the answers that are offered here on Yahoo Q&A.
I hope that both your parents will understand that the best gift that they can give to their child(ren) will be a safe, stable, and nurturing environment, and the best way that can be accomplished is to STOP blaming everyone else, and look to themselves to make the necessary changes from within.
Meanwhile, I hope that you understand that your parents problems are not your fault, aren't your responsibility to correct, and therefore are not for you to get yourself into a state of worry over.
Take care, and be well!
2007-12-15 10:43:17 · answer #3 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
Firstly, I am terribly sorry that you're going through this.
Most men aren't like this; have you tried to talk to him about how you feel and what he's doing?
I think that you and your mum should talk and come to a decision of what you both want to do; as an unhappy relationship is a relationship not worth having.
I know many people who have been through this, and with a little help are now leading a happy, and successful life. On top of that; no one deserves to be treated like this.
I think, as hard as it might be, you and your mum should consider councelling or talk to someone who is professionally qualified with dealing with parental problems.
Also, if you would like to, I can try offer some support if you wish to talk to me privately you can add me on here and I can give you my e-mail.
Hope this all works out soon, and haver a great christmas!
Dan
2007-12-15 10:16:48 · answer #4 · answered by Dan2j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been there myself and no you will not be OK until this situation is resolved. Support your mom and get her to go see a therapist or a domestic abuse counselor to help her figure out her options. Beyond that you can't do much except focus on your education and getting a career that will provide you with a solid foundation to help take care of your mom. Its going to be hard but hang in there. Most importantly don't forget about yourself. These types of situations make it difficult to focus on your own life and issues. Good luck and remember you can only do so much.
2007-12-15 10:03:17 · answer #5 · answered by Michael K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one is trapped in a relationship. there are always ways out, it just takes a backbone and this is what your mother is lacking. All you can do is try and tell her her weakness is causeing you alot of pain and hatered and it's time she get rid of him and that you will back her 100% hey, I did it with 4 kids so anyone can do it!
2007-12-15 10:11:04 · answer #6 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you and mom... should make plans to exit this relationship. i do not believe mom should use you as sounding board.. but apparantly u are all she has right now. maybe dad does not realize the pain he is causing you. have u shared this or are you afraid to bring it up?. maybe you and mom could go to counseling together. maybe a third party can help your mom become untrapped.. another opinion is always a plus. so sorry u are going through this.
2007-12-15 10:03:00 · answer #7 · answered by foosieboy1953 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this shud be ur drive to succeed in life. i'm inthe same situation so my goal is 2 make a great living and have a successful career so that i can get my mom out of this relationship and give her everything she deserves. use this experience as fuel.
2007-12-15 10:12:14 · answer #8 · answered by pisceanola 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋