mark has a 7 yr old son that he has joint custody who he is totally detacated to. He gets such joy from being with his son its all he can talk about. We are to be married next mon. and looking at houses to buy and I happened to just say something about a nursery and he just ignored me. Later he said to me he hoped I would not try and push him into having a child and if I wanted one it would be a deal breaker. I was in shock as he loves his son so much and wants to be with him 100% I guess i just thought he would what one with me too. When i asked why all he gave me was excuses nothing that made any sence. Now his child was planned not an accedent and was the only reason that keep his marrige going as long as it did. 1st marrige. So can anyone tell me why he would be so against having a child with me when he loves his 1st child so much?
2007-12-15 09:17:29 · 12 answers · asked by Gfhf F 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
Wow, If children are what you want, You really need to rethink hun. I can't and nobody can really say why he doesn't want more children, He is the only one to really answer. If it's bothering you, You need to sit him down and say we really need to talk this through.
Best of luck to you and Merry Christmas
2007-12-15 09:27:12 · answer #1 · answered by red 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
This is such a hard situation.
I am not sure what his reasons are, but I assume that he is worried about his first child feeling like he is starting a new family with out him, or that he feels another child would be too much of a strain on your relationship, or perhaps even that he just isn't ready to be a father of many. I am sure he has his reasons though.
If he said that having children would be a deal breaker, then you seriously have to consider whether or not you want to have children.
If you want to be a mother to your own children, then you will have to talk to him about this urgently.
For me, not having children would have been a deal breaker. I could not have married my husband if I knew he never wanted kids. That being said, my husband was not ready for kids right away, and we didn't rush into parenthood... that's a different story.
If he never changes his mind, are you willing to give up on Motherhood?
You need to talk about that, and if he seriously doesn't want children ever, you may need to find someone you're more compatible with, or accept that his 7 year old is the closest you'll ever come to being a parent.
2007-12-15 10:27:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Having one child is enough for many people. It may have nothing to do with you and your relationship with him and have everything to do with personal preference. Or, if his son was the reason he stayed in a loveless marriage for as long as he did, he might not like the idea of having another child should the marriage not work out. I know that sounds horrible since you're getting married, but it's certainly something to consider. I would imagine having seen the effects of divorce on his son would also make him NOT want to put another child through the same thing. He may not be anticipating divorce with you, but since it's happened once, he's probably not blind to the fact that it could happen again.
If having a child is something you feel strongly about, I recommend postponing the wedding. Even if it's something you're not sure about, you should postpone the wedding until you've sorted out your own feelings about it.
2007-12-15 14:47:14 · answer #3 · answered by elizabeth_ashley44 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some people only want one child. I have a friend who has one little girl and absolutely no desire for another child. I am completely satisfied with my two and would be in crisis if I got pregnant again.
So, I think it's time you told him that evidently, this isn't going to work out. Cancel the wedding and send back the presents. He really should have talked to you about this when you were first talking about getting married. It was completely unfair of him to let things get this far and then tell you children were out of the picture. Good luck, sweetie.
2007-12-15 13:09:20 · answer #4 · answered by Sharon M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would one just assume that because you have one child, you'd want more? Mark is totally within his rights to NOT want to have another child and the list of reasons could be a mile long. This is something you should've had a talk about LONG ago.
Maybe he'll change his mind, but probably not (and you definitely should never marry someone thinking you can change that person). You either have to accept that he doesn't want more kids, or move on!
2007-12-15 11:58:25 · answer #5 · answered by Dory 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Like far too many people, you have had your head interior the clouds and your eye on the prize (abode, ring). it incredibly is why there are maximum of divorces, stupid woman! you have spent time making plans your wedding ceremony yet not a minute talking on the subject of the marriage. He gave you motives for not desiring yet another toddler and you have selfishly chosen to overlook approximately them. You "in simple terms concept" that he would decide directly to have a toddler with you??? Do you men spend all some time in mattress and not a 2nd in communique?! And there became into very needless to say no pre-marital counselling!!! if so, you will have generic waaaay early on that there became right into a substantial subject. A "deal breaker" ? extra like a "divorce-maker". Sorry to assert this yet you are the guy interior the incorrect right here. the guy isn't egocentric in any respect. he's without doubt one in all the best men who helps, sees and adores his son from his first marriage. And he's uncomplicated. a sprint previous due, in line with threat, yet i'm having a huge gamble that he informed you precise from the get-circulate that he did not decide on extra infants and you, all starry-eyed, chosen to overlook approximately him. in case you do get married, and you come back to a decision to get pregnant besides, be arranged to work out a criminal expert and be a single discern. it extremely is going to be the toddler who will go through the main so in line with threat you're able to end and think of.
2016-10-11 08:53:37 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He probably just doesn't want to bring anymore confusion into his child's life. If you want children this is not the man to marry. He is right in not wanting anymore children. When a parent remarries when a child is young and has new children it is very hard on the other child. I would not get married if I were him until his first child is grown.
2007-12-17 08:00:13 · answer #7 · answered by sgirl714 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is possible that since his first marriage was so bad, and that having a child was the only thing that tied him to it, he doesn't want to have that "baggage" again, in case he needs an escape. It sounds like he has a lot of hard feelings about his first marriage breaking up and is afraid to completely open himself up again.
I sure hope you haven't married him yet. If he doesn't want to have any more kids, and you want children, you are going to grow to resent him because he refuses, or you are going to give up on the things you want to keep him, and resent yourself. Find someone who wants the same things you want.
2007-12-15 16:58:46 · answer #8 · answered by missbeans 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He might be worried that his first child might feel bad. It sounds like hei only sees his child very now and then because of the joint custady. If he has a child with you, he will see that child everyday, but will only see his first child a few times a week which might weaken his relationship with his first child.
2007-12-15 10:34:20 · answer #9 · answered by Lisa J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be that he feels his 1st child may feel your trying to replace him. There could be many reasons that he hasn't mentione dto you. You should really consider if you want to marry someone that doesn't want children in this marriage. Especially when you have expressed your interest and he flattened it down with a bull dozer.
2007-12-15 09:26:35 · answer #10 · answered by chicata25 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋