I am a 32 year old single mom of a great three year old. I am finishing my education so I can get us the *** out of dodge and away from my mother (my need not his). I have really been thinking alot lately that I would really like to start dating again and hopefully find that spark I had three years ago before my son came into my life. I love my kid, but I feel like I disappeared and now only exist for him and his needs. I feel very guilty and selfish when I think about hopefully getting married someday or just finding someone to spend time with. I have not been out of the house except for work and school without him. Am I being selfish or should I spend the next 2 years I have left in school to get back into shape (in more ways than one) and start my life again?
2007-12-15 07:19:24 · 22 answers · asked by operaphantom2003 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
finish school then get back into shape
2007-12-15 07:22:40 · answer #1 · answered by Huy 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well,of course you should try to get your life back.Don't forget about your son tho.I have the same problem but everything is great.See I made a sceduel of the time I spend With my daughter like Saturdays,Wednsdays,and Thursdays.I go dating or just out having fun with my freinds on the other days.Still,I don't forget about my work.Also to make your life easier,get a job that you love,that has a nice boss or something,and kool workers that you can enjoy working with, ok ! To get in shape go to the gym every morning when you can and eat healthy and all that stuff.To help you get out of the house.Go to a salon and get a makeover refreshment ok.It really works.To keep the peace in your brain spend at least 30 minutes to an hour alone with yourself and nothing else living.You should get a siamese cat as well.
Heres some more, don't feel guilty or selfish to get ,married.If you marry it will be the greater good for everyone,you will have someone to hold you up in the emotional needs,you will have much more time to spend with yourself,your son and your friends!You might even be able to stop working!Besides your son will also have a male role model to take off of.
Oh and you aren't being selfish but i really do think you should spend two more years in school to get into shape.The more brains the better!!
I really hope I helped!
2007-12-15 15:38:21 · answer #2 · answered by Nina W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It isn't selfish to want to be a WOMAN as well as a mother. You are an individual, and you need many facets in your life to feel fullfilled, happy, and well adjusted. Having other interests and time away from your child may actually help you to be a BETTER mother, because you are a happier person.
Just make sure with dating that you don't bring a guy around your son until you are ready to be serious with him (say date for at least 6 months). Otherwise, your son will get a really weird idea about what relationships should be about. Also, sometimes it can be hard especially when you want a relationship badly, to not think things are better than they are. Since you have a child to think of, you can't make the mistake of getting in deep with someone that isn't right for you. Plan logically for a partner...what sort of things do you want to see in someone you would spend your life with, and what sort of things could you not tolerate? Make sure boyfriends meet these standards.
2007-12-16 02:06:27 · answer #3 · answered by missbeans 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We have a lot in common!
You need to get out of your house, without your son, or you're going to lose your mind -- if you haven't already. :)
You don't have to date, but you do need some me-time. And, for goodness' sake, don't feel guilty about it! You can't be the great mom I'm sure you are if you're crazy.
Get yourself a good babysitter (college students make excellent babysitters -- ask your younger friends from your classes if they'd like to make an extra couple bucks now and then), and take yourself out. Go to the gym (because, yeah, you should stay in shape; it's good for you, and you'll feel more attractive, and your son will get to have you around longer). Go eat a nice dinner, alone or with a friend of either sex. Take yourself to the movies. Just treat yourself a little.
And when you're grounded again and feel like you might have something to talk about other than the little guy, start dating a little if you want to. Just be careful about who you're dating, and don't be bringing a string of men into your child's life. My rule is that the kids don't meet my male friends until either a) it's serious or b) the guy falls firmly in the "friend zone" and will likely be around as a family friend for a while.
2007-12-15 20:17:22 · answer #4 · answered by some chick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same situation. I am 30, with three kids (ages 10, 9, 7) and I recently started going back to school.
My daughter asked me recently why I don't have a boyfriend like her dad has a girlfriend. I explained to her that I was trying to look for someone special and not settle on someone. We sat down as a family (the four of us) and came up with a list of things that I want in a boyfriend.
I agree with what some others posted about not bringing the guy to meet your son until you are serious, I have some male FRIENDS that my kids have latched on to so much that it made them feel uncomfortable and now they don't want to hang out anymore.
There is a song I really like by a group called Superchick. The song is called princes and frogs. At one point it says "And maybe frogs seem like that's all there is" (meaning there are no princes in the world)
Read the song. Find some friends. Go hang out once or twice a month. It is necessary for your sanity!!!!
2007-12-16 13:10:28 · answer #5 · answered by monsterbabys3mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good for you to finish your schooling.... below are the four things my mom began hammering into my head when I was about 13. You screwed up the first part, but happily you are back on track.... congrats, sweetie.
1. The most important decision you will ever make is who you marry. Choose with your head as well as your heart.
2. Have no children until your bond is strong, and have no more than you yourself can support. You may just have to
3. At any and all costs finish your education to qualify for those high paying jobs. It is likely that you will work sometime during your marriage, probably for decades…. Get paid for it. And remember, your kids and your education are forever…. Husbands, lovers and promises are not!!
4. Have a stash of cash no one knows about even if you are sure you will never need it. You absolutely will, and the more the better.
Thank you mom.... you showed me the traps before I ever even got close... I will always love you for that.
Do two things at once..... finish that education, and get back in shape at the same time. You can do it!!!! Trust me.
2007-12-15 15:31:08 · answer #6 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is not selfish to want an adult relationship at all. Right now though you don't really have the time to devote to it...you should focus on finishing school so you can achieve your goal of getting away from your mom. If you start dating someone they will have to be very understanding when you don't have the time to see them because you are either studying or taking care of your child. Right now maybe you just need to go out once in a while to a movie or dinner with friends so you at least get out and enjoy yourself.
2007-12-15 16:25:29 · answer #7 · answered by Bears Mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep your focus on work and school but definately add into the mix getting out of the house for yourself. You can't lose you as you are sooo important to your son that you need a balanced existance to be the best mom you can be. So with that said you should see that it is not as selfish as you worry it is. It is also in your son's best interest for you to pursue dating again as it will benefit him as well. You have already started your life again with the steps you are focusing on now...you are just ready to add in emotional involment on a romantic level and that is wonderful. Embrace it in such a way that makes you feel comfortable, on your level and look to include your son in spending time once you find that important someone else. Everybody wins!
2007-12-15 15:33:25 · answer #8 · answered by Miffy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would like to say FINISH SCHOOL . . . (that would be the BEST thing you could do FINANCIALLY for your and your sons interest) BUT you really NEED TO DO WHAT EVER IT IS THAT WILL MAKE YOU FEEL "HAPPY". The reason is simple - IF YOU are HAPPY, then your son will be HAPPY, and then your "potential" love interest will be HAPPY -- and your friends and family will be HAPPY -- all because YOU ARE HAPPY! You MUST do what will make YOU HAPPY - otherwise you will always look back and say. . . "I should have . . ." Your son needs YOU at this age, do NOT EVER feel GUILTY for whatever it is you choose, because ultimately, your choice NOW is WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR SON IN THE LONG RUN! Also, as far as "finding someone" -- you CANNOT "force" love -- WHEN it happens, it will just happen naturally - and I'd like to say you cant "find" love (because, I suppose you can) however, if you are out looking and devote yourself to THAT - well, it just doesnt work that way - like I said, do what is BEST for YOU and your son and you will be surprised . . . love will happen - (probably just happen, without any notice or warning, when you least expect it) - I might add that from what I have seen . . . guys love an independent, confident woman (which you will be IF YOU ARE HAPPY) (happy with YOURSELF), and not a "needy" one. Dont get me wrong, guys love to be "needed" - but there is a difference between being "needy" and "needing" your guy.GUYS???
I think if you research some info on what guys want, what turns them on, you will find some answers there (sounds weird), and you'll see WHAT it IS that YOU NEED to do to "find" LOVE! This MAY just help you in making your decision in WHAT you should do with your life RIGHT NOW. (Yahoo has some dating articles, I think and you could start your search there and then from there, look for LINKS to find the answers you are looking for. I HATE to say to go to YAHOO for these answers as to what you should do, but you want some guidance, right?
As I mentioned, dont EVER feel "guilty" or "selfish", as ultimately, you DO WANT what is BEST for you AND your son. Your son is only 3 now (and he DOES need you, but that doesnt mean you have to devote your life to him 24/7 - go to school, have what social life you can afford to in order to make you happy and you can STILL take care of your son as needed. Remember, HE wont be HAPPY, if you are not HAPPY) Your son WILL someday (when he is older) want you to get married and want you to be happy. (My husband died when he was only 41 and our children were 3 and 7, my daughter, who was 7, went through a period, years later where she DID NOT want me to date anyone! She is NOW 18 and WANTS ME TO "HAVE A LIFE", she WANTS me to date) You will see - do what MAKES YOU HAPPY - even though you may have some "rough" times . . . (everyone does) - DO IT, and dont look back. GOOD LUCK
2007-12-15 15:51:52 · answer #9 · answered by Terri S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Concentrate on getting your self into shape, I was in the exact same boat at your age, my daughter was a Lil bit older though. You need to concentrate on school, yourself, your future, your mind, your welfare for your child's welfare. You will not be able to give the things needed in a good relationship while being the super single mom you are if you have not taken good care of yourself and dealt with your baggage{everyone has it}. If you should get the opportunity to date, go for it, but put you and your beautiful child first for now. Good luck and much love. Don't feel guilty for wanting a permanent relationship someday, if you find the right guy for you and yours.
Thank you for not using "single mom" status as an excuse, that is so refreshing. I detest women who use it as an excuse for all of life's ills and why they "cant" do something with themselves, it made me that much more determined and strong and capable.
2007-12-15 15:37:54 · answer #10 · answered by inkgddss 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're a parent now, but you're not dead. everyone needs normal human contact with adults. its a juggling act, but it can be done without jeopardizing your relationship with your son. find a sitter once or twice a month so you can have a night out to relax and unwind from the stresses of everyday life. you shouldn't feel selfish or guilty for doing it either. if you don't, chances are that you'll end up resenting your son for you giving up your life for him, which really is unfair as he had no choice in the matter.
don't worry, the right someone will come along one day and you'll find that you're not the only one better off for it....your son will be too.
good luck....
2007-12-15 15:26:04 · answer #11 · answered by 4Xthe fun 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋