how can i get my wife to seek help for depression?

Question

I have sugested that she go to a doctor for this and she is against it,my children and myself are suffering through this with her.

Answer 1

My wife went through serious depression for many years, and it basically came down to her sitting and crying all day long and banging her head against the wall enough to give herself huge bruises.
We had a great life, a great marriage, a nice home and great kids! Nothing at all to be depressed about but she always had some excuse or something to blame it on so she didn't have to face up to her problem.
She finally did, thank God, and Paxil and Zoloft have helped her immensely. It's like I have my old best friend back and my kids have their sweet mother back too. She still goes through phases when she's down some, but never like before (unless she stops her meds for some reason, which she did from time to time unfortunatey and it was very hard to get her back on time again.)
Good luck and God bless.
(PS: Tom Cruise can kiss my backside - no, he'd probably like that).

Answer 2

Does your wife accept that something is wrong, which is having an impact on you and the children? If not, there's not a lot you can do until she sees this for herself. But if she DOES recognise that things aren't right, maybe you could talk to her about what sort of help she would like. If it were me, I think talk of a doctor might make me run a mile. It could be that medication would be a good idea, but unless it's coupled with psychotherapy, it's not going to be a long-term solution. So - if she was willing to talk to someone, just not a doctor, you could suggest she sees a psychotherapist. If she wants to follow this up herself, please let her do so, but if she asks for help, you need to find someone who is properly qualified and registered with a professional body. In the UK, you could search for someone at http://www.psychotherapy.org.uk It could be that if she does see a therapist, she will feel better quite quickly (not cured, this isn't the end of the treatment, she would need to carry on for a long time) OR she might feel too bad to really engage and her therapist might suggest she sees a doctor for medication (and she'd be more likely to agree to that when she's developed some trust with a professional).

If she won't do anything, the best I can suggest is that you continue to support her as best you can and try to talk to her friends and/or family and see if anyone else could help her feel better about getting the help she, and all of you, need.

Answer 3

Is she against potentially seeing a therapist? Some health plans have "Live Nurses" where she doesn't have to go anywhere and can just start off with a TALK with someone who can assess her situation. There is a chance the Live Nurse will not be able to convince her to come in, but at least it will get a conversation going.

Sometimes it's difficult for people who are depressed to get themselves to do something – waking up, getting out of bed, doing normal daily activities – and having a family to care for may also weigh on her mind. (I am not calling you or your children "burdens" and she certainly does not truly see you in that way!) So making a phone call or taking time out of what may already seem like a depressive routine is- admitting defeat, almost.

Someone suggested family counseling. If you are able to get her to go with YOU to see a therapist, try that. Or perhaps just get her to go with you to the therapist's office. Assure her that she can speak with the therapist alone, you can speak with the therapist alone (while she waits for you) or you can go in together.

Unfortunately there is no way to force her in to see someone... But tell her how much it would mean to you. Don't guilt trip her (she probably has manifested guilt of her own) and don't pity her. Tell her how valuable an experience it would be for YOU.

Answer 4

its hard thing to admit i suffer from depression and would not admit it i finally talked to a doctor after years of people talking to me about it stay on her and keep telling her of how shes changing she will start to notice things it took me a long time but im much better today after talking to a doctor

Answer 5

she may feel shame, depression still carries a stigma. reinforce the fact that it is a health problem, like any other. chemical problem in the brain, as opposed to another organ. team up with her mom or dad if possible, and keep working on it

Answer 6

You need to let her know how all of you are being affected by this. If she won't do this, go as a family. If she won't go, then you and the kids go and find out how you can force the issue.

Answer 7

Maybe suggest family counseling, so she will have you all there for support.