how to i get my parents to let go a little bit?

Question

i have had alot of problems with my parents in the past couple of years, i am 15, 16 in june.
i used to smoke and stopped about a month ago, this caused alot of problems between myself and my parents which i understand but i used to always be grounded + didn't have much of a relationship with them but since i have stopped smoking we have been ok...
they are quite strict with me, such as times i have to be in, i have to be in at 10 on a weekend half 10 if i'm lucky, i would love abit longer.
i know i'm their little girl (i have two much older brothers) but i just want them to let go a little bit, i am mature for my age and that isn't just a teenager trying to be big and thinking that i am, i actually am.
i do realise some people have much more strict parents.

a few tips would be appreciated. thanks x

Answer 1

Laura, you sound like a nice, responsible young lady and I understand where you're coming from. I'm a mom of a now 19 year old daughter so she and I've been all through this.
It's normal for parents to be protective, especially because we live in dangerous times. Young women, and even a bit older ones are being kidnapped, raped and murdered at an alarming rate. Just watch the news for a few weeks and you'll get a better understanding of how they feel. They just want to protect their priceless treasure, which is you, honey. However, because you are responsible and if you've shown that to them, some compromising would be appropriate. So, perhaps you could say to them, "I understand you want to keep me safe and I want to keep myself safe, too. What if I give you the phone number of where I'll be and you can call me anytime to check on me. Not only that, but I'll call you a half hour before my curfew to let you know I'm ok. If I do that, could you compromise a little and extend my curfew, to maybe 10:30 on a weekday and 11:30 on a weekend? I promise to call you every half hour to check in." If they are at all reasonable and they know you are at someone's home that is a good person with responible parents there, I don't see why they would say no. Just try it and see what happens. Good luck.

Answer 2

Watch out for the part where you think your more mature than everyone else. I thought the same way. You may be more mature than the guys but I started dating an older guy and I found out that I was not as mature as I thought I was.

As for the parents thing yes this does suck being the youngest. It is hardest on the oldest and youngest child. Especially if their a girl. I would reccomend showing your parents that you are more mature not just saying it. Maybe take your dad out to lunch on saturadays before you go out with your friends. I'm sure he will appreciate it. I do that with my dad now but Im 24 I never did that when I was your age. Wish I would of because it means a lot to him. Also go shopping with your mom or what ever she likes to do. By doing this stuff it allows your parents to spend more time with you and get to know you better. Then slowly work in there how you think you should be allowed to stay out till 11 or maybe even midnight once you turn 16. They should start to open up with you and let you stay out longer because they will trust you. Now take in mine that its not gonna work the first time you do it. Give it a couple weeks before you see any results.

Answer 3

By the sounds of it, you are mature because you can recognize there's problem with your relationship with em.
I have the same problem near enough, im 16 too (well 17 next fri :) and because i'm in the country I have to where to stay out late to.. I don't go out much at the weekend, but i make up for this at school, when i see my friends, and my man :) we don't get grounded here, but we don't go out to get grounded. So you're lucky you have a social life. :)
Why don't you bring your friends over to stay the weekend, then you can sit up to as late as possible.. or how about you call them or talk on msn. You're parents are doing this cause they love you..wouldn't you do this if you were a parent? I'm sure in a few years they'll develop more trust over time. You have to prove you can be trusted. Do good deeds around them.. maybe they haven't forgot the fact you went behind their back and lit up.. be nice, tell your mum everything, and your relationship will grow plus she'll give you some much-need advice (with experience to back it up) - best advice you can get. You're lucky you get a chance to get out of the house to clear your head.. I stick mine 24/7 so i more or less stay in my room while their givin orders.. lol but mine are a different story..
Well just be the best daughter you can be to them, and show them who you are: no lies involved and they'll love you even more and eventually they will propose you stay out later.. 'cause they'll feel you deserve it.
Good luck. x

Answer 4

You have just put your finger on the hardest part about being in a parent-child relationship: knowing when to relax the boundaries and by how much.
It takes both sides working on it. Your part is actively demonstrating you are being responsible for yourself and the results of your actions (all of them; there are no "accidents").
Their part is recognizing when it's time to let you practice new freedoms, and to let you fall down and hurt yourself.

Two suggestions:
1) Ask your parents what they expect of you in terms of responsible behavior. Paraphrase back to them "Okay, I think I understand you said..." and keep at it until it is crystal clear in your head. Write stuff down. Commit to it, right there in front of them. Then go off and do that stuff whether it makes sense to you or not. Check in regularly with your folks to see how you're doing.
2) Once you have a track record of doing what you said you'd do, ask them for some more slack. Start small; an hour later curfew on Saturday night. Double dates to the beach. Stuff like that. Demonstrate you're being thoughtful. Do what you can to encourage their confidence.

Remember - this is not a trade. They're your folks and can dictate how things will be. But you can ask. Keep at it, be reasonable.

Good Luck.

Answer 5

With my mom, (who is WAY strict) I have to earn her trust back. i did some things that I promise were way worse than smoking, and i am grounded until like feb. 2, that is the date Mom gave me, but she also said that that could change to a later date if she "deems necessary" I know that i deserved my mom doing that, but that doesnt change the fact that i want to be able to do my own thing. My mom and I have talked ALOT about everything, and that has helped ALOT. We are becoming closer, I think. She told me that if I could stop doing what i was doing and SHOW her that could follow her rules, that then she would let me have a bit more freedom. I hope that this helped you.

Answer 6

Because of your smoking, that has caused them to keep an even bigger eye on you. You brought that on yourself. If your mature for your age, then it's up to you to prove it to them.

If you have to be in by 10 then start going out earlier to make the time with your friends last longer.
Be happy you have parents who care!! Do you see alot of kids you know, who stay out all hours? well, it because they have parents who don't care!! Their wandering souls without their parents love and guidence.

Just 2 more years and then you can make your own rules. Hang in there it could be worse!

Answer 7

You have to understand that your parents have been brainwashed by society and have had many more years of eating poisonous foods that make them dumber. It's not their fault really, but they've lost a lot of their ability to think critically.They may "seem" normal compared to others because this is the norm now. It's normal to be a slow, well-fed follower and if they don't see to it that you become one as well, they truly believe they've failed as parents. You're parents love you and think they're doing what is best by creating as much security as possible. They've just forgotten that security is the opposite of freedom. Or illusion vs. reality.

Answer 8

they are just trying to protect you. They don't want you to go astray. They want you to be successful. why else would they be so strict?

From what I mean by going astray, I mean by hanging out with the wrong crowd. Doing drugs. Being Promiscuous with many men. Getting kicked out. Getting addicted. Getting pimped. And eventually getting killed. They don't want that to happen to you.

Sorry for what I said, but that's the truth. Just look at all of Robert Pickton's victims. How do you think they ended up the way they did?

Answer 9

You probably won't appreciate this, but your parents are trying hard to bring you up in a way that will make your future happy. They love you. Lot's of parents don't care about their kids and let them do whatever they want because its easier.

You have to earn their respect. If you cooperate with them they will trust you. They are telling you "no" to things, but eventually you will be the one telling yourself "no." That is called maturity and you will be there sooner than you think.

Answer 10

I suggest strongly that you listen to them. You aren't as mature for your age as you want to think and frankly, if you were my daughter, unless it was school related, you would be in bed at 10pm not running the streets.

If you don't agree with me, fine, however make sure you keep my answer. And when you have your own 15yr old daughter(not now, cause you aren't going to get it), you take this out and read it and see what you think of your parents then.