Out of an abusive household: Now what?

Question

Okay. This is a long story.

I am gifted. I started college courses when I was 12, I am a junior in college at the age of 17, I am going to be a pathologist. I married a man who is similarly gifted, who is serving in Iraq. I am independent, I lived on my own two years before I married, because I had to leave home at 15.

My father was not in my life. My mother was abusive, but because I was gifted, no one saw it, I thought it was normal, and no one believed me when I started to talk. She would curse at me, yell at me, throw things at me, forced me to sleep with her naked (until I was 15, yes), and would scream at me for hours if I expressed an opinion that did not match hers.

Obviously, I got away. I got married, I have my college career, I'm coping. My grandparents, my husband, my former pastors and my close friends are the only people who believed and understood my abuse.

They kept telling me that I needed to protect my mom. I went to psychologists, friends of my grandparent's, and they asked me not to reveal anything, or risk having to call CPS. So I didn't say everything. I protected my mom. I didn't tell her employer (who has her working with kids), I didn't explain everything to her sisters (who think I'm lying anyway), and I didn't tell my dad, who might have pressed charges.

My problem is this. Her employer is an extraordinary woman, who cared for me before she took my mom's side and I was unable to tell her the truth. Her name is Valle. I like Valle, and I miss Valle. I haven't called my mom in over a year, but I want to be friends with Valle. How can I do that? SHOULD I do that?

Answer 1

You are a very smart girl for leaving when you did. Don't look back & forget about her. She is obviously crazy & they will all figure it out eventually. Talking to this Valle could hurt you further. If she is your moms ally, she could use anything you say to give your mom further ammunition to say bad things about you. Stay away from them all. It looks like you are making a nice life for yourself. You don't need them.

Answer 2

I oftentimes does not answer this yet from what I comprehend you're a psychology substantial and that i've got been there executed that and decide directly to help. sure I grew up in an abusive relatives, my Father abused the two my mom and us infants and at cases my mom abused us infants as a results of fact she became into at her snapping component. How did it impression me? I grew up very insecure feeling like i could in no way be enjoyed or needed, I in no way could have faith all of us and located myself being a loner. I additionally felt like no remember what I did it might in no way be good adequate. As an person I nevertheless have have faith and self-extremely worth subject concerns and conflict with destructive concept types and impulse subject concerns concerning the childrens abuse.

Answer 3

Nah stay away you going to be to close to comfort. What your mom did to you in unexceptable and good for you for getting out when you did. Move on and live your life to the full extent and give your kids what you didn't have growing up....your mom will have it handed down to her when the time is right until then just cut your ties. what goes around comes around.

Answer 4

Stay away from all your mother's contacts even if they were special to you. It would make the situation worse. Good for you for getting on with your life. If this still bothers you, consider seeing a therapist to explore this issue.