What should I do? Spoiled 5 yr old step-son is driving me nuts?

Question

I lost my temper today and slapped him. He cries non-stop over everything that doesnt go his way, we were baking cookies together last night and I told him to go wash his hands before we start, but he couldnt get his sleeves rolled up, so he proceeds to throw a huge tantrum, today I took him and my son to a playground, and another kid got a ball he wanted to play with (not his ball) and he started screaming and crying, throwing stuff, yelling, etc. I dont know what to do, I hate that kid, he truly believes the world revolved around him and him only. I make a rule, he goes behind my back to get his dad to break it, w/out saying he already spoke to me about it. Every mealtime, every outing turns into a nightmare because he throws a fit. This is going to break up our marriage. Dad takes his side and defends him, all I want is peace and for that kid to stop being a baby. He is in trouble at school all the time.

Answer 1

Your stepson is not going to break up your marriage. You & his dad are, by not respecting each other as parents & working together as partners to raise your children & become a cohesive family.

Apparently your 5-yo stepson still has some things to learn about life. He's not going to learn them through your hate & disgust. He'll learn them as every child does, in their own time & in their own way, taught by concerned responsible adults who respect & love them & want them to learn what they need to know to make the most of their lives.

It sounds like he hasn't yet learned how to deal with simple frustrations in his life or how to have empathy for others. A great way to teach him these things is through role modelling - not only with him, but by letting him see you work through these things yourself when dealing with others.

The first thing that you & dad have to do, though, is to really get together as a team to parent all of the children in your lives. You need to share the same goals for the children and understand & respect each other's approach to parenting your children through their lives. You need to see your stepson through your husband's eyes, then taking that love that he has and the love that you have for your husband, approach your stepson as he is & start to teach him what's important to you.

Answer 2

Well it doesn't take a genuis to see that he is compensating. When something very important to you is taken away at such an early age, (mom and sisters) you may tend to overcompensate by not letting go of anything. My sister had this problem with her stepson, he came here from Italy, where he had virtually nothing and left everything behind to coming to American and getting whatever he wants. She would go into is draws and closet and she would find papers, reciepts, and wrappers, just about everything and everything. Unfortunately your stepson's family is overcompensating as well by treating him like a king instead of really dealing with his loss. His behavior is only going to escalate unless some gets him some help. Most schools also have programs, that maybe helpful. You are definatley in a tough situation b/c you want to help him but are not his true parent. You need to talk with your husband about what role you really play in his son's life and what are the boundries. Good Luck.

Answer 3

I am sorry to tell you that your step-sons' behavior is pretty normal for a five year old, but your behavior as a parent is out of line. You have no right to slap a child and you need to get better control of yourself. First of all, as the step-parent, it is not your job to be the disciplinarian (indeed you can't do it effectively unless you have been in his life since he was 3 years old-- after that age he cannot truly consider you as his parent authority figure unless you have a very good relationship, which you clearly don't). If Daddy isn't doing it, then you need to speak to HIM about being a stronger parents, and not expect a 5 year old to act like an adult.

At age 5 all children are clingy, needy, whiney and self-centered. As a parents (or step parent) it is our job to teach them the right way to behave. The best way to teach is through EXAMPLE. If he sees you lose your temper frequently, why would he not lose his when someone tells him no? You need to MODEL the correct way to behave and so does his Dad. That means keeping your cool and sharing yourself.

It is especially normal for a child to misbehave when they are getting used to a step-mommy. You need to respond calmly and consistently, and HIS DAD needs to be the one making the rules.

You say: " I hate that kid, he truly believes the world revolved around him and him only" and this worries me greatly. He is a child who is self-centered by nature. He needs your love and patience. Kids at his age will need help doing things like rolling up their sleeves and if you yell at him to hurry, it is all but inevitable that he will cry and have a fit. It is your job to be the patient one, not his. You need to learn to love him and not resent him. Remember, you joined his family. He and his Dad are a package.

Children in blended families are often more "greedy" than most about objects because they have experience loss and instability and are afraid if they don't fight (or whine) for what they want they will never get it. (like the ball in the park.) If you and his Dad make him feel safer and more secure then he will become better at sharing.

I am sure you will be angry with my answer, but I think you should strongly consider taking some parenting classes and peraps even some marriage counselling.

Don't expect him to stop being a baby. He IS barely just out of toddlerhood and he has gone through a lot of crap. And apparently you are not making it any easier.

Good luck. I sincerely hope that this situation works out, for his sake and yours.

Answer 4

"Dad takes his side and defends him," This is where your problem STARTS. Quit blaming the child for something the father is doing. Dad isn't helping to discipline the child, this isn't the child's fault. Also, hitting the child isn't going to change the attitude of the father.

Answer 5

im 13 n that would drive me nuts to. If i were u i would punish him n take everything away 4 lik a week jus to show him what will happen if he keeps asting up.

Answer 6

talk to your husband. tell him whats going on. its completely normal for him to take his side, its his kid for heavens sake. i learned this trick from that show supernanny and its seeming to work. set up a naughty chair, mat, stool, whatever you want. then each time he acts up, tell him if it happens again, your going to sit him in the naughty chair or whatever. if it happens again, firmly take him by the hand to "naughty chair". sit him down, tell him why he is there, and make him sit there for 5minutes, because he's 5. (6years=6min. etc.) as soon as times up, go to the chair, sit beside him, and tell hi to apologize for whatever. if he doesn't, then make him sit there, a little longer. sit him there for as long as it takes before he apologizes. tell him you love him, but it upsets you when he acts that way. if all else fails, spank his butt.

Answer 7

you cruel cow where is this poor childs mom,you are treading on dangerous ground here,at 5years old the world does revolve round him,he has had a lot of upheavels in his short life,and i suggest you either get help or get out of his life fast

Answer 8

Wow! Did you forget you are dealing with a child?! You have some serious issues you need help with. If your marriage gets "broke up" it has nothing to do with the kid and everything to do with your lack of parenting skills. Get some counseling and stay away from that boy before you hurt him.

Answer 9

Tell the father that he needs to discipline his son and that if he won't, you will. He doesn't get to treat you this way.