New step son, never had a father figure before in his life until now. Trying to teach him manors as well as doing what he is told. He is becoming very rude and back talking when he doesn't like what we tell him, or he doesn't get his way.
2007-12-15 03:55:23 · 16 answers · asked by Conga Mac 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
He needs discipline, plain and simple. Depending on what type of issues he's gone through, he might feel like has to defend his territory or whatever. This kid needs to be aware that you are an authority figure and he has to respect you. You should create a system, stating that these are the rules and if you don't abide by them you will be punished.
Here's what I do
1. Words (Tell the child this is unacceptable behavior and it won't be tolerated)
2. Solitary (A timeout in a separate room w/ no play items available and no tv)
3. Action (Child gets a spanking)
I don't know if you're for or against spanking but that'll get him in line if nothing else works.
2007-12-15 03:57:29 · answer #1 · answered by caramelflava313 2 · 1⤊ 4⤋
This is why they call them the terrible twos. It's normal. You may have to work on the sleep thing a bit. I would definitely start getting him to bed earlier though - try moving bedtime earlier by 15 minutes a day until he's in bed by 9pm (that's a good time). If you have a problem getting him into bed earlier, then start a new routine geared toward getting ready for bed. i.e. dinner, playtime, bath time, story time, snack and then bed. For the crying tantrums, you could try explaining what you are going to be doing before you do it. i.e. before getting to the park, then explain how you guys are going to take turns at the swings and have fun playing with others in the sandbox. Sometimes I found that if I spent a couple minutes in the car before going somewhere to remind him of what kind of behaviour I was looking for it would really help. Keep in mind that kids this age get tired (especially if they miss naps) and that their stomachs are smaller than ours and so they need more snacks than us. So, yes, I think your boy is normal. Don't forget that for the next year or so he will think that the world revolves around him.
2016-05-24 01:58:53 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just know for one thing, it will take T-I-M-E and possibly lots of it. If you can all go to counseling together that would be a good start. If you think you can't afford it, call around for referrals and you'll probably find low-cost counseling or free classes.
Look at it as starting from scratch. If he is an adolescent it may be better that the mother do all the disciplining at this point. But remember, setting a good example and letting him know in a calm and caring voice together with his mother at a family meeting what is acceptable and what is not and the reasonable consequences could be a good start. Also, be sure to let the child know they can come to either of you with problems and be calm and caring when responding to them--never judgmental or discouraging.
The child definitely needs to feel a sense of stability because whether you realize it or not, feeling instability is common for this child especially at this point in his life and naturally causes behavior that you would view as unacceptable which could be feeling necessary to him emotionally.
2007-12-15 04:06:39 · answer #3 · answered by Marie Q 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perfectly normal. He is resisting because he is use to being able to behave in a certain manner. He reasons- 'it was acceptable before, why isn't it acceptable now?'. Seems like he is experiencing a lot of changes in his life. Most children resist change because it is new, different, and for some of them, it scares them. Also, they feel like they have lost a bit of control over their life. So they will be more sensitive and throw tantrums easily when not allowed to have their way. Just be persistent, and try to provide as much stability in his daily routine as possible. Build a positive relationship with him by rewarding good behavior as much as possible. When he throws a tantrum, most of the time, the best thing to do is to tell him what you expect from him, that he may go to the couch, a chair, or his bedroom until he calms down. You need to make sure he builds on his sense of Autonomy, which is his self-perception... he needs to know that it is okay to make his own decisions. Say you told him to eat his dinner, and he resists... Let him know the reward for a "Good Choice", and what will happen if he makes a "Bad Choice". If he decides to eat his dinner, which is the "Good Choice", let him know you will allow him to choose a book to read at bedtime... or anything else you can think of that he might enjoy that evening. If he decides on the "Bad Choice", let him know what you were planning on doing with him later that evening and that if he makes that choice, that he will not be allowed to do it. In this way, he is allowed to take control of the Choice he makes. But, if he makes what you decide to be the "Wrong Choice", be FIRM on the decision you made about what the wrong choice means for him. If he makes the "Good Choice" and eats his dinner, you need to FOLLOW THROUGH! If you don't, this will discourage, confuse, and frustrate him. Most children his age will cry about it because they were hoping to make you happy and have a reward for their good choice. Good Luck!
I hope I'm making sense to you?
2007-12-15 04:33:30 · answer #4 · answered by Jess 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before you can establish boundaries with your step-son, you have to talk to your wife and have her make it very clear just how much of an authority she wants you to be in her child's life. Even though you are now her son's father-figure, he is still her son, and a woman can turn into a momma bear in a split second if she feels someone is stepping onto her turf as "mom".
As for the child, he is probably uncomfortable with having you in his life, even if he likes you. As a person who has had to deal with "steps", I know how much as a child I resented anyone my mom was with who wasn't my dad - even if they were perfectly nice, wonderful men, they were still lower than dirt to me just due to the fact that they were "taking his place". That is, of course, not an excuse to let the behavior slide and be "buddy buddy" with the kid, that doesn't do him any good or make peace in the house.
Once you have the okay from mom to be the disciplinarian, just treat him as you would any other five-year-old who is cutting up - send him to time-out and let him cry it out there. If you are consistent, firm, and respectful to the child, he will learn pretty soon that you are here to stay, and he has to respect you like he does (I assume) his mother. Good luck!
2007-12-15 04:01:27 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have these problems with my own son who is five he was mishevious befor egtting into things now he has grown out of most of that and the mouthiness is the problem I just keep telling him he needs to stop being so mean or privilages won't come his way. He has started Kindergarden this year and seems to come home with every other childs attitudes and then he askes for a play date and I tell him when I cana trust him to speak respectfully he can go. My son unfortunately still hasn't been able to do so because he is still mouthy and disrepectful of myself and others. My hopes is if I stick with it and correct him when he says something rude eventually it wil sink in.
Good luck and parenting of any kind is hard whether its parenting your own kids or step parenting.
2007-12-15 04:07:41 · answer #6 · answered by Crystal B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time for the laying on of hands. You have an excellent chance to raise a fine son. With things the way they are now, do you really want to miss the opportunity to keep him out of trouble later ? I went into a 3rd marriage with teens for steps. While it was too late for direct action, I came to realize that I was the opposite of their Bio Dad and we could come to terms. Now all 3 are in college getting degrees in Business Management, Early Childhood Development and Para legal. They are mine, because I cared to show them I cared.
2007-12-15 04:05:03 · answer #7 · answered by Steven D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't just barge into a child's life (which is how he sees it, I'm sure) and try to change things before you've developed a relationship and earned his respect. Major change is difficult for children at that age. Go slowly, and don't make your entire relationship about you being "in charge" and telling him what to do. Once he cares for you and respects you, you'll find it much easier to teach him the things that you feel are important.
2007-12-15 04:00:51 · answer #8 · answered by Jenn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may not help to try and make him listen or understand when he is in this mind set so give him a mental break. Then after a cool down period either you or your wife, not both, sit down and open a conversation about something neutral. This breaks down both sides aggressions and once talking you can reaffirm what you wish for him to learn. Be firm in your teaching but flexible and gentle on the approach.
2007-12-15 04:32:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
try the naughty chair
get an old chair and make him sit there
or try taking things away from him until he learns to respect you.
there are many ways of dealing with children.
my stepdaughter is 9..and stepson is 6
ive had full custody for 5 yrs
i still get the mouth and disrespect, but i stay persistant
thats the keyword
if he gets up out of the chair...keep putting him back in it
stick with your word, it will take some time.
but everything will come into place
goodluck
2007-12-15 03:59:43 · answer #10 · answered by Susan C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋