My 4 year old is not acting like himself........?

Question

He is acting way rebelious. I have recently divorced I know that is part of it. He was fine for a while and now he's just not himself. I'm going to bring him to a counselor but do you have any suggestions also. I want to help him before, during and after the counseling.

Thank you all sooo much!!
I wish I could pick almost all of you.
Thanks again!!

Answer 1

I also have 4 year olds (a boy and a girl.) Kids are ultra sensitive at this stage and extremely intutitive. they are watching and absorbing everything you do. if your life is in turmoil, then so is theirs. divorce is tough, so be sure that you are taking the time to explain to your little guy what is going on and mostly that none of this is his fault and that he did not do anything wrong. (You really can't say it enough.)

Kids need to feel like they are understood -- if he's misbehaving and you start every conversation with a sentence that lets him know that you understand how he's feeling (mad, frustrated, sad, -- whatever the situation may be.) you will see a big improvement.... this advice comes from my dad who is a family counselor.

But this is not a license to misbehave and you should make sure you are clear about this. "I can see that you're really mad that you can't go outside to play right now. Sometimes things like that make me really mad too. But when your mad, you shouldn't kick and scream like that because it's scary to other people. instead you should spend time by yourself until you don't feel mad anymore and then we can talk about it."

I would let him know that it is ok to be mad about the situation -- if he's tantruming alot, you should get this under control now before it turns into a bad habit. i got my son a little punching bag. when he's mad about something i take him to the bag and tell him that i understand and if he feels like hitting it, he can. But he needs to separate himself from others when he is feeling that way so that he doesn't take his anger out on other people. When he feels better he comes back and we talk about what made him upset and we work out a solution to his problem together. Sometimes, he just is upset that he's not getting his way, and he's not going to get his way either. But I alwasy reiterate that just because he don't get his way, does not mean that he has been naughty or that I don't love him.

It works pretty well -- my son tends to have high anxiety and when we're rushing around and not taking the time to go through these discussions, I see a rapid decline in his behavior. but as soon as i get back on track and have these discussions with him -- his behavior changes a lot.

They really just need someone to understand how they feel.
Good luck!

Answer 2

well i was a real rebelious boy , and though i didnt know it then , it was because of my surroundings growing up. my parents should have divorced. they always yelled all day and night at each other. i am a very sensitive person. not the rebel i use t o be. but i was a rebel because i picked up on there negativeity there anger and sadness. he is probably like me. love him, be patient. talk to him . and no matter what, tell him you love him. i got worse as akid, cause while i was a brat, my mom use to yell at me and say things like "im not afraid of you" i would cry and wish for love. ok ive said alot LOL u understand. love. even if he yells and says he doesnt love u, as i did as a boy. he acts that way at you cause he s hoping that u will love him when others wont.

Answer 3

Is his dad involved in his life? Is it a good idea for him to be in his life?

If it's safe and the dad is willing, try to give your son time with his dad so he can see that his dad still loves him and will spend time with him. It might help him see that even though you're breaking up, he's still going to be loved by both parents. Might help.

In the meantime, you give him all the love you can, but don't let him get away with doing bad things out of guilt. The damage will be hard to fix if you get into that habit. Be firm, be loving, but stick to your guns about things that were always rules. And teach him how to talk out his feelings. I know he's four, but it's a good time to start. Just start small and be ready to tell him that this whole thing makes you sad too. Misery loves company and he might feel for you if he knows he's not alone in how he feels.

Good luck.

Answer 4

4 is a difficult age - period. In fact the Director at my daughters preschool calls 4 the two and two. Like having two 2 yr old kids. I'm sure any changes in the house would also affect his behavior but overall this is an age when kids start testing and are trying to figure out what your limits are.
My daughter just turned 5 and I can tell you age 4 was the most difficult year to date. However I just read a great book entitled: Raising Self-Reliant Children in a Self-Indulgent World. I highly recommend it. It gave me a better understanding of the challanges parents and children face in our modern world. Hang in there....it gets better!

Answer 5

He is reacting to a major and unwelcome change in his life. He needs stability, reassurance and consistent boundaries upon which you and your ex should agree. The worst mistake anyone could make is to over indulge a child who has experienced trauma. The counselor should give you guidance on how to deal with his behavior. You should also remember not to deride or abuse your ex in front of your son as this will any confuse him and cause further resentment. He will settle but it's hard work being a responsible lone parent.

Answer 6

Spend some off time with him and notice what's happening with him something has to set off him to act like this its no longer purely he's a angel in college then abode existence something else... He desires some interest and can you quite provide it to him with 2 different young little ones and one one the way the concentration will particularly be off of him then you definitely could spend greater time which comprise your son and not purely day out

Answer 7

I wouldn't bring in the big guns just yet! I remember my boy at 4 was really a challenge. He was great at 2, fine at 3, then all heck broke loose at 4! After several months of that, though, he finally started to come right. At 7 today, he's a lovely boy... most of the time! I think you're on to it, though, by realising the divorce will be affecting him. He won't understand what the heck has happened, or why - he will need lots of love, lots of boundaries, and lots of simple explanations (over and over again).

Answer 8

Talk to him, talk to his friends parents too and see if anything comes out. Be proactive, maybe the divorce and a friend left too and he feels alone. Try to make him feel that he is the most important thing in your life.

Answer 9

Counseling for him alone is good....the counselor may also recommend family counseling, if that is an option. You son is probably acting up because he thinks that you and his dad dont like each other and/or that he has done something to cause the reason why you arent together. If he sees that youguys do not hate each other and that its not his fault, then it will ease his pain while he adjusts to his new living situation.

Answer 10

He is acting just like he should be, he is gaining independence, growing away from you. He is no longer a toddler, he is a little boy and is going to continue to grow away from you.