This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do . Visits 1-2 times a month. Limited phone calls, letters make me sad and cry. I miss him terribly. Everyone tells me I need to let him go. We've been together almost 1 1/2 yr. We still love each other but it's unfair to either to be together if we can't have a normal relationship. His charge was against someone in my family. I can't be loyal to both. Opinions, please.
2007-12-14 19:58:16 · 14 answers · asked by Jasmine 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
THANKS for your answers. It is HELL, believe me. I've thought about this situation for months. It only gets tougher. It helps to hear opinions of people we don't know.
2007-12-14 20:15:08 · update #1
don't ever be with someone who can hurt your family in any way. shows bad character. you deserve better. remember that. break it off for your sake.
"sometimes to spare your feelings means hurting someone else's."
i'll say a prayer for you tonight.
2007-12-14 20:13:26 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Since I don't know what he did I can't really give you that great of advice. If he lost his temper and did something horrible to your family member, then you definitely need to just leave. You should leave him if this sentence he got was because of somethign he truly should not have done. If it was something like self defense, or defending you, etc then it's no matter.
If you love him, if you care about him, if you want him...then wait until he gets out. No, you don't "need" to let him go, you don't "have" to let him go either. A year and a half is quite a bit of time to be together and it's quite a bit of time to just throw away. I know five years is also a long time. You need to ask yourself if you can see yourself having a future with this man...if you can see yourself getting married to him, having a family, etc. If you can..then perhaps you should forget what your family is saying and wait for him. If you can't see marriage and family with this man...then for your sake..AND his..it would probably be best to end it now otherwise the longer it goes on the more it will hurt the both of you. And if you do decide that you see a future with him, you need to find out if he wants the same things you want..ie marriage and all of that. If he doesn't...as I said..it would probably be best to end it now.
I spent a year away from my (now ex) boyfriend. He was deployed to Iraq. At first I didn't know what to do, I didn't think I could go on without him. Pretty much all I did was sleep and cry for the first couple months. Phone calls, letters, and emails, were very rare, but when I did get them, even though it hurt so much and made me miss him even more,.. it also gave me the strength to keep going on. Life went on, it had to...I learned to keep myself busy and soon enough he was home. I know a year is very different than five..but maybe my experience will help you.
"All things must pass." -- George Harrison
Eventually, five years will pass and he will be free again. All things do pass, but love is the thing that outlasts everything else.
2007-12-14 20:04:03 · answer #2 · answered by Lexi 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
hes a convicted felon. a convict. prison inmate. and by now his manhood has been tested which means hes one of three things 1) gang member 2) gang associate or 3) somebodys property (punk).
Being down for 5 yrs means he did some serious s**t to your family member and since u didnt say what he did it must be something your not proud of.
the 5 yrs he'll be gone is more than 3 times longer than the time u and him were together.
he will learn new skills while in the pen. so what kind of future are the two of you going to have???
sorry if this sounds harsh but i hope it helps you make the right decision . THINK HARD
2007-12-15 04:34:30 · answer #3 · answered by TongueTide 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should end this relationship really soon. He sounds like a loser and I'm sure you can do better than somebody who commits a crime against your family member. Besides, you can't be expected to sit around and wait for this guy for 5 years! That's crazy. There is no sense trying to stay in this kind of relationship unless you were married or had kids together.
2007-12-14 20:02:50 · answer #4 · answered by Ex-Blondie 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wow I can just imagine how hard this is for you. Well if i was in your situation, it really would depend what family member it was to. If i was someone really close to me, then I would choose my family. But if it wasn't a real close family member then Id choose him. However 5 yrs is a long time but it depends on how true your love for him is. If you think this is it then go for it and wait, but then again if he is in jail i would think twice about this guy because once he is out, is this the guy you realy want to start a family with? Good luck with your decision I know its tough.
2007-12-14 20:03:27 · answer #5 · answered by Midnight61 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
my fiance had to go to prison for two years the hardfest thing i ever had to do in my life,it was extremely hardf for him,and it ewas the visits that kept him going,one thing was for sure prison turned my man around for the good he came out such as better person, we have been together now for six years since he has come out it really gave me the time to apprecte him and fall in love all over again,i cried every night,every day,just missed him,christmas was the hardest but you get through it, im not sure exactl why he went but if it was against your family was this to protect you im not sure but if you love him and in love with him then you stand by him you must be completely selfish at this time and it will be hard but youll get through it
2007-12-14 20:18:36 · answer #6 · answered by treatau 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yesterday if not sooner, he gave up what he had willingly by doing what ever he did to go, he no longer has any rights of expectaion, move on or you shall regret it, he will be worse when he gets out, it's OVER. sorry thats just the way it is.
2007-12-15 01:00:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey just don't think "expected" to stay with him-
You need to do what's in your heart.
I don't know what happened between him and the part of your family, but PLEASE think this over and make the right decision.
Instead of asking what you're expected to do, or what WE think, you should be thinking things out on your own, a TON.
I'd leave him.
It's not worth it.
But ultimately, it's your decision.
2007-12-14 20:06:53 · answer #8 · answered by cecelia 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
realistically, you are being dragged through the mud and going through hell.
The only good idea would be to move on w/ your life.
What exactly did he do to your fam member? AND Why??
2007-12-14 20:05:01 · answer #9 · answered by what_a_saint 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It will take you six months to get over the relationship, let him go now, he didn't get five years for being a saint anyway.
2007-12-14 20:05:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I gotta say, you've got some decisions to make. Personally, since he had to go that far and get busted, unless he was doing it just for you I'd drop him.
You deserve better than a man who cannot control himself. I wouldn't keep any jailbird.
2007-12-14 20:07:32 · answer #11 · answered by Your Uncle Dodge! 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋