I have a dilemma (grown men and women answer ONLY)!?

Question

Okay. So. I've been chatting it up with a guy that I knew in college. We never really talked before or even showed any interest in one another.

The situation basically consisted of him requesting me on myspace. After I added him, he didn't really initiate anything, so I finally did. Well, time passes and we message each other back and forth...blah blah...He gives me his number first. I return the favor, but he calls me first. To make a long story short, we've only talked maybe twice. The first time was maybe 5 min., he wanted to confirm plans for dinner. I said cool. But, we didn't go out b/c it rained. I don't think we rescheduled, but then we have this amazing convo on the phone that lasted for like 2-3hrs and that was the last of the phone talk. Communication betwn us is usually text, which is cool, but at my age it's annoying and redundant.

The dilemma:

One night we were texing each other, at least one or two words back and forth. I texted him first, b/c I will admit, I'm not the most persitent person when it comes to relationships. I was thinking along the lines of SHOW THIS GUY YOU'RE INTERESTED. B/c I know me and I can send off some bad vibes without trying! but the thing that pissed me off was when he and I were texting each other back and forth, I felt as if he didn't really feel like being bothered. I felt that energy ...and then to top it off, he left a text convo WIDE OPEN, so I felt as if he brushed me off! I know some people have a hard time saying goodbye or ending a convo, BUT please say somethin! I mean, I felt really dumb and he didn't bother to text me back until the Dec 6th. The last text was on the 30th of Nov!

This is what WIDE OPEN looks like:

the guy: you should get out
me: no, i shouldn't

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Now, there was previous texting before these last two, but this right here was like...OKAY?!?

So, I'm pretty sure you can guess what I've been doing. Yes, I've been punishing him. The poor guy has texted me, called me and I have not responded and I don't know why. He's cool and I doubt if he's doing this diliberately. He doesn't really know me like that, excpet for what little he has to go by on the phone. I just don't know how to redeem the situation without coming off as bitter or mean. I wanna know. Who's right. Who's wrong. And how do I redeem myself?????? Its been two weeks. I feel so ashamed bc regardless, that's not what type of person I am. I hate playing games. I guess I'm just protecting my feelings.

miaduran...thanks, hun! i have that book and i read it a billion times, i've highlighted some things as well. i also have the ther book 'you're just not that into him either, which is the other side of the game for women!

i'm not mad at him for telling the truth, i actually like to hear it. i just thought it was inconsiderate to leave a text open like that and not bother to respond, ESPECIALLY this early on in the beginning stages of "getting to know someone"
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cherrycoke...thanks, hun! i agree with everything you say, i have also been irresponsible with text messaging and whatnot, BUT, i find it kinda off to wait an ENTIRE week to respond. you know what tho, when he did respond on the 6th of Dec (with a text) he asked about my finals. so, i kind of took it as he didn't want to bother me b/c of that. however, it still bothered the **** out of me and i feel so bad after reading you guys answers!!!!

Erin B...you hit a nail on the head. i guess i shold have mentioned that i JUST recently got out of an verbally abusive realtionship, which was the beginning of Aug. so, the poor guy is in the mist of it all, i'm trying to move forward while carrying him along for the ride. i'm a strong girl. i'll work thigns out. but, as you can see, i have issues with guys who don't follow through and when this one started showing those signs of what i'm trying to get away from, it scared me a bit!

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU!

Answer 1

Haha he's right. You really need to get out more. You are analyzing this poor guy to death. Just return his texts and phone calls already. Stop panicking and acting so desperate. If he's interested in you he'll show it. Give him a chance to make some of the moves.

Remember honni, a watched pot never boils. Get out, live your life, be his friend and let him take the lead. If he wants more he'll let you know. Otherwise you could end up chasing him away and ruining things before they even have a chance to begin. Let him come to you. It'll feel better knowing he did so on his own anyway.

And don't be ticked at him for telling you the truth. He obviously hit a nerve. That's why you've been ignoring him. Just tell him you've been busy and act like nothing happened.

Oh and invest in the book "He's Just Not That Into You" by Greg Behrendt. It was a godsend for me. I use to act just like you.

Answer 2

Forgive and forget. Texting always has potential to be awkward, especially for the less tech-savvy "older generation." (I put that in quotes because I'm only 24, but I came of age in text-message-free world!) Anyway, some people arebad at texting. I have no doubt that I come across as kinda distant or disinterested during text "conversations" because I just find it difficult to communicate that way.

In fact, I was texting back and forth with one of my old college friends earlier this evening, and I did the same thing to him. The conversation was slowing down a bit, and I set my phone down for a minute, and well, I got distracted and ultimately went and got some takeout for dinner before I even thought to look at my phone. After a certain amount of time has passed, you can't really respond to that last text without feeling like an idiot.

So give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he put the phone down briefly to see what was in the fridge, and decided he needed Chinese food. Attention spans are short these days. Sad, but true. Don't throw away a guy over something so small. Wait until he really screws up to punish him.

Just call or text him and tell him you've been really busy with work/school/family crisis/church christmas pageant, whatever. Don't even give an excuse. Just be like, "I'm so sorry I haven't gotten back to you, I've been really busy and stressed out lately... blah blah blah, we should get together for coffee/dinner/caramels!" It'll be halfway true at least, because you HAVE been stressing about him, right? LOL, you just don't have to mention that he was the one causing you stress. ;)

Answer 3

Texting is really really tough b/c you can't hear someone's tone or see their facial expression or body language when they say something. So I'd say you're pretty much where you started with this guy because you haven't seen each other. If you want to talk to him..just message him and say you want to talk - better yet - call him and say you wanna talk! Do you want to spend time with him? If you do, then say so..I think he's given enough signal that he's interested to some degree. But this does sound like it's spun you around quite a bit, so I'd say make sure it's really worth it before you invest anymore energy.

Answer 4

long story......just tell him u have been busy. dont mention that u didnt pick up bc u were tryin to punish him. just call him and try to hang out. lets not text so much u are both adults u might want to try calling. texting is something u do when u cant talk bc u are busy. the more u talk the better the relationships will be

Answer 5

If you like him and don't want to ruin what you have, you need to contact him!! It doesn't matter who was right or who was wrong! He's a guy and I find that they don't do this stuff on purpose, it's just because words don't mean as much to them as us. Call him or text him back if you want him! Good luck, girl!!

Answer 6

At this point, why don't you just be honest?
"I'm sorry; I've been mean to you lately. Please forgive me. Why don't we have dinner together?"

(Your example texts didn't mean much to me out of context, by the way. One problem with text messaging is that the person's emotion doesn't come across easily. He might not have realized how you felt as you sent the messages. And who knows? Maybe his phone ran out of battery or something.)

Answer 7

your acting like a child and asking us adults for advice. the only way to stop the problem is to act like a grown up . but in order to do that you have to grow up. stop playing anger games "you did this so im doing that" god forbid if you have kids.

Answer 8

You pronounced take part in, do you mean take part in on themselves??? If now no longer, i mean would desire to you mean a surgical operation they are waiting to acquire, it would desire to be VAsectomy for the male, and a tubiligation for the female...

Answer 9

What I would do is ask him where he wants this to go. I mean, it's not like you have much to lose right?

Answer 10

Well, I would give you advice (that has worked for others in the past). But you asked for only adults to answer.