How do you deal with a drunk father who won't let go of his past?

Question

I am a 13 year old female who is experiencing problems with an alcoholic father. Ever since my mother left he has been relying on drinks to make him happy.

Everyday when I come home from school my father is heavily drunk. He immediately yells at me for the most unimportant reasons, i.e.; (I am 1 or 2 minutes late because of the school bus) He will nag on for sometimes a whole hour, repeating himself over and over again, and strike me with his belt or shove me into a wall. He sprained our dog’s ankle last week when he was upset and pushed him down a flight of stairs.

It is obviously my parent’s house, not mine. I have no authority over my father's actions, or his decisions to drink alcohol. I was just wondering if there is an appropriate way to confront my father about the issue, without abusing my privileges and overstepping my boundaries as a teenager.

I have no relatives to contact, as my father has isolated himself from the outside world, all of them have grown distant or given up completely

Answer 1

First off, I just want to tell you how mature you sound for a 13 year old girl. You don't say how long your Mom has been gone so I don't know how long you and your dad have had for a "healing" time. If it has been recent since she left, just give him a little time to adjust. It sounds like you are taking it better than he is...for now anyway. If it continues for past 6 months, or it gets too bad for you at home at ANY time, please talk to a teacher or someone you can trust. I'm sorry your having to go through this.

Answer 2

Try Alateen for support. But since your father has hit you with his belt and shoved you into the wall (which clearly child abuse & endangerment) injured the family dog while drunk, you're not safe at home either and for that reason I think you should talk with a school counselor and get help for yourself. You deserve to be protected from that kind of thing. You're not safe when he's drinking. So I agree with the advise that says to try to find your relatives and get in touch with them. They may be worried about you too... and not know where you're at because of his isolating behaviour.

Confronting a drunk doesn't work. I know this from my own mom back when she was an active alcoholic and before she got sober. My younger sister did it all the time. It never worked. Being the oldest, my job was to sooth things and clear up the mess.

Answer 3

Alcohol is a depressant, and in your father's case, it won't even allow him to look up from the gutter. The situation will not mend itself without assistance.

Keep trying to contact your other relatives... there has got to be an address book around there somewhere. Theymay have given up on you dad, but they need to come to your aid.

Yes, I agree, you should talk to the counselors at your school... they know how to access the system on your behalf.

You need a safe house to come home to, and you shouldn't have to hide or duck or endure physical or verbal abuse. If that means that you may have to go live with relatives or a foster home, then so be it. Perhaps the shock of you being gone will give your dad pause enough to pull himself up.

Answer 4

You poor thing ! I know you dont want ppity but I too grew up with an alcolic dad who beat my mother then my sister then My mother left with us , it was five year divorce of staying in dfferent ppl houses..

I can warn you not to argue with a drunk

Try and find your mom, she probaly is out there looking for a way to support herself first,... Your in a pickle honey

try getting a part time job so u dont have to come home right away.

See if you can spend some nites at a friends

When You get home clean as much as you can

Do your homework before u get home in a library or someplace peaceful

File a police report if things get really bad

Answer 5

Sweetie, I'd tell you to talk to your school counselor for help. You need it and you need it fast. Bless you for being such a wonderful child to your dad but he needs help and he needs to see a psychologist. The more he drinks, the more violent he'll become and you're going to be the one to suffer most of that. God bless and you take care.

Answer 6

I would first like to say i'm so sorry.! you don't deserve to go through this. first, if your dad hurts you in any way, you should deffinetely talk to a counselor or someone at school that you trust (an adult). or one of your teachers. they can help you out of the situation. its probably not the best idea to confront your dad, seeing that he seems semi hostile. can you contact your mom??? email me if you need any help! i'll be willing. to help.
do you go to church? do any of your friends? if so, have them tell someone at church.

Answer 7

im no expert but i''ll give a shot. if you can atall, try to catch him at a time when hes sober, or at least not completely wasted and tell him that things went bad in the past but he still has you and you need him. you need him to take care of you and to love you.that your mo may be gone but theres still people here who love you

hope it helped, and im sorry for what your going through.

Answer 8

Just hang in there and eventually things will get better and anyways when you turn 18 you can leave and you never have to talk to him again.

Answer 9

No-Way