My family has recently gotten back in touch with my uncle and his cruel wife. I am happy for my family bc I know these past few years have been difficult wo my uncle being there. But personally I'd rather have nothing to do with either one of them. They were very abusive towards me as a child (they were my primary gurdains for a few years as a child) Therefore, I'd like to avoid them as much as possible. They have invited me to a dinner party they are throwing next week and despite the fact that I gave them my word that I'd be there no matter what, I don't. Am I wrong for not going? Also, my mother keeps stating that they're the only family I have and I should try my best to forget the past. Is she right or am I justified with not wanting them in my life? My uncle isn't so bad. It's just that he does whatever my aunt tells him to do so I'm not sure if I should forgive him or not.
2007-12-14 16:08:56 · 9 answers · asked by ♪♪♪ 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I don't believe that you are wrong for not wanting to go to this dinner party. It's normal to want to avoid seeing people that you have had conflict with in the past. No one should force you to feel differently.
If everyone asks you why you don't want to go, make it clear to them why. There's no reason to hide your feelings. Be strong and don't go to them until YOU are ready (if you ever will be)
2007-12-14 16:14:52 · answer #1 · answered by Talkstress 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Forgiveness is not for your uncle, it's for you. If you hold on to the past you will not allow yourself to grow. You may find that the aunt has mellowed a bit over the past few years. If not, you may be able to find a way to get through to her if you let down your guard and try to see what's going on under the surface.
Time has gone by. If you're able to talk to your uncle you can start with him and tell him what you're feeling about the time you spent with them as a child. You may be able to work through some of the pain that has left a scar. They may be feeling guilty about their actions or you may be able to get them to see things differently. But unless you stop avoiding, there is little chance for healing.
2007-12-15 00:17:42 · answer #2 · answered by innerradiancecoaching 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Forgiving takes a lot courage, and I agree that you should try to forgive them because keeping that resentment in you heart is not good, it eats you, but if you don't want to visit them, no one can force you. Maybe you can go to the dinner party this time, if you consider that definitely you don't feel OK, then don't do it again. Explain your mom that you understand her point, but you are not ready to make them part of your life yet.
2007-12-15 00:26:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Call them the day before the event and tell them you have strep throat... they won't want you there... that way you aren't flaking on them.
For a lot of us, family is our first set of obstacles to overcome. If there is no real reason for you to be there, then don't go. Be involved somewhere else... some extracurricular activity or something like that.
2007-12-15 01:27:24 · answer #4 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i wouldn't forgive either one of them just yet, but i don't think it would hurt to go to the dinner party, after all if they are acting like jerks or a##holes you can always get up and leave [take your own transportation just in case] and that is what i would do if they even sneezed wrong, and who knows maybe they have changed and you will have more family to love, like i said keep all your options open and be ready to leave if necessary
2007-12-15 00:19:58 · answer #5 · answered by Dale T 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No one has the right to touch you ever! You have no reason to forgive someone that hurt you like that. Personally, if I were one of your parents , i would have killed them when i found out they hurt you. It's your life and if it makes you uncomfortable to be around them, don't go.
2007-12-15 00:14:38 · answer #6 · answered by oohmuhgah 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just tell your parents you do not feel right reconnecting with your abusers...if they have any sense they would leave it at that...if they keep insisting you go they are condoning the behavior and maybe emotionally abusing you.
2007-12-15 00:20:05 · answer #7 · answered by wrathofkahn03 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If being around them is going to haunt you or make you uncomfortable then stay away from them.
2007-12-15 00:13:14 · answer #8 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't go if you don't want to. It's your feelings that were hurt, not your mothers.
2007-12-15 00:14:22 · answer #9 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋