My fiance and I are getting married next Aug. I'm 23 and he's 29. He already has a 10yr old son who will be 11 in 2 weeks. He has joint custody of his son and is battling for full custody. We currently live together and I wanted to have a baby last year but he convinced me to wait until we are married. I know that we can afford to have a child but since he proposed this year, I agree that we should wait. The problem is that lately he's been bugging me to have a baby. This coincides with the fact that his dad died not even 2 weeks ago. It was really unexpected--he was only 61. Last year my grandfather died of cancer close to the same time. I remember feeling empty and sad and I said I wanted a baby too. I know that my fiance has expressed his preference to have more kids before he turns 30 in the past, but I can't help but think he's just trying to replace his dad. I still really want to have a baby but it is more practical to wait. My fiance is normally the level-headed one. Help!
2007-12-14 16:06:19 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your fiance is reacting to his Dad's death. He's normally the more practical one and it would be more practical for you to wait. His sudden interest in having a baby coincides with the death of his Dad. Try to help him see that he's having an emotional reaction and tell him it would be best for both of you to wait until you can both make a level headed decision and do what's right for all of you.
2007-12-14 16:11:17 · answer #1 · answered by innerradiancecoaching 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are either the most wonderful man on the planet or a fool and this relationship has many obsticals to over come before there is any talk of being step-dad to her baby. Finding out she was pregnant after a one night stand must have been a huge shock to her and also along the way she met you.Who has offered her devoted love, responsibility and committment she must be so confused especially since she has just given birth. She really needs her space at the moment as she is trying to get used to her new role as a mom and trust me that is a full time occupation.Her hormones will be all over the place and having someone who is so devoted is obviously to much for her to handle. This may be for many reasons, she feels guilty, she is worn out and has not got time for you at present,perhaps "dad" is on the scene or there may be pressure from family the list is endless. You will loose her if you keep on and on to her so my advise is to give her some space, maybe write her a letter about how you feel so at least you know in your mind you have let her know how you feel and that your intentions are for the best. At the end of the day you have to give her what she is asking and give her the space she will respect you more for it. If you do not hear off her you will know she is not intrested and it may be for the best. There are many women who would give their right arm to have someone like you in their lives and you remember that if things do not work out with her.
2016-05-24 00:55:19 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may have come to the realization that tomorrow is not always promised to us. He may just want to have a child with the woman that he loves. Yes I am sure that loosing his father has taken a toll on him, but you all are getting married you expressed wanting a child in the past and now he wants a child. Just go with it. He will love the child regardless. From what you are saying he is a good father to his other child. Whats the problem.
2007-12-14 16:11:04 · answer #3 · answered by tikababy 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
His father's early departure has convinced your fiancee of the fact that human life is really, very short in the whole scheme of things. He knows that now, more than ever, that there is no guarantee that he will live to see another day. I can almost assure you that he is not trying to replace his father. He see's the immediacy of having children now so he can be there for them at least until they are grown and on there own.
2007-12-14 16:16:41 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
He wants a distraction, not necessarily a baby specifically. I personally believe you should wait til you are married to have a baby. Things go more smoothly that way.
2007-12-14 16:09:50 · answer #5 · answered by Smiles 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think you should give him a little time to get over his dad's death before agreeing to have children. If you take him for his word now, he might have a change of heart and you'll already be pregnant.
2007-12-14 16:19:30 · answer #6 · answered by Talkstress 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why don't you get married in an informal civil ceremony earlier than you planned (you can always get married now and save the ceremony for August) and then contemplate having a child together.
2007-12-14 16:13:21 · answer #7 · answered by Stephen L 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I think you should give him a baby. Besides it being a great way for him to cope with the lost of his father, this baby will be somewhat more special since he will probably fill the emptiness he has inside.
2007-12-14 16:10:43 · answer #8 · answered by littlebotas17 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I would wait until both of you feel ready and he is feeling better about the passing of his family member.
2007-12-14 16:09:23 · answer #9 · answered by Bluemomma 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Too much of an age diffrence.
He's a pedophile.
Dump him.
2007-12-14 16:27:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋